


Unexpected Wishes

by midnightruse



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abuse, Blood, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Multi, Pining, Psychological Torture, Self-Hatred, Serious Injuries, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags Are Hard, Torture, Trigger Warnings, adding tags because chapter 10 is going places, i keep adding tags because it keeps getting worse, klance, my dudes it will get better soon i promise, probably, you've just got to work for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2018-11-04 05:52:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightruse/pseuds/midnightruse
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to end like this.He wasn’t supposed to grow attached.There was so much blood.He felt nothing.That was the scary part.When did being alone become so terrifying?Keith didn't think much of leaving Earth for space with the other Paladins; what was yet another new place where he didn't know anyone and nobody knew him? Except this time, things were different. This time, he opened up. He made friends that became the closest thing to family he'd ever really known. But just like every time before, he knew it was too good to be true. He didn't deserve people this good, and they would end up getting hurt because of him. Everyone left him in the end. It was all his fault.





	1. Beginnings

_Good things never last._

_He always manages to mess things up._

_He should have never let them in._

_Everyone was better off without him._

 

* * *

 

 

“Keith. Lance. Knock it off! We can’t fight these guys if you two are fighting each other. Figure it out.” Shiro yelled over the comms, finally fed up with the steady stream of snide comments between the blue and red paladins.

Keith groaned and bit his bottom lip in frustration as Lance opened his big mouth, yet again, with another jab at Keith. _Defender of the universe, my ass_. Keith just wanted to get this mission over with. The day had been a wreck from the start when he woke up with the headache from hell, Lance was laying down the annoyance extra thick today, and he was pretty sure his wrist was sprained from fighting in the training room this morning. He knew that he could get in one of the pods and have it healed in a manner of minutes, but that would involve explaining to Shiro or Allura what had happened—that he had skipped warming up and the first few levels and jumped right into a heavy training session in an attempt to forget the sharp throbbing in his skull. There was no way he was going to sit through another lecture about how he had to be careful and needed to think of the consequences of his actions and how his decisions affected the whole team.

An explosion of light jarred Keith from his thoughts and he barely managed to pull Red out of the way as a blast from one of the Galra ships was fired his way.

“Keith, what are you doing? Pay attention!”

“Sorry, Shiro.” Keith shook his head and tried to focus. _Pull it together Kogane. Fight now, think later_. “Hunk, cover me, I’m going to take out their weapons.”

 

* * *

 

Keith just sat in his pilot’s chair for a minute after he brought Red back into her bay. They had managed to take out the Galra fleet without any real damage to any of the lions, which was more than he could say for some of their other missions as of late, but he still felt irritated and antsy. Not to mention everyone was getting on his nerves. They didn’t deserve it, and Keith knew that, but he couldn’t stop the harsh comments he shouted during the mission from coming out of his mouth. It wasn’t their fault that his head felt like it was splitting open and that his wrist was _definitely_ sprained and had a nasty bruise developing already beneath his gloves.

He let out a deep breath and dropped his head onto the control panel, letting his arms fall to his sides. Keith felt Red nudge his mind with concern. “I’m fine girl, it’s nothing.” Keith could tell she wasn’t convinced, but he pushed that aside. “Guess I’d better get back to the control room before they send someone in here to get me.” Red sent Keith a mental robotic lion version of a hug, which prompted a small smile from Keith.

As he walked down the halls leading to the control room, Keith heard the loud voices of his team. He heard everyone burst into laughter and wondered what it was all about. When he reached the room and the door slid open, everyone stopped laughing and turned to him. It was finally Pidge who broke the silence that was beginning to get awkward. “About time you decided to join us.”

“Awe, come on Pidge, cut him some slack. Keith probably had to brood over his emo feelings and fix his mullet, not that you can really fix something that bad.” Lance smirked at Keith, and though it was mostly a joke, something about it ticked Keith off even more than usual. He opened his mouth to respond, but a sharp look from Shiro shut him down quickly. The last thing he needed was for Shiro to be more disappointed in him today. With his anger fuming in his gut he crossed his arms to hide his already clenched fists.

With everyone finally there and quiet, Shiro began debriefing everyone on their performance. This was usually the part that Keith paid extra attention to since he was always looking for a way to get stronger and eliminate his weak spots, but he found himself spacing out, unable to focus. His head started to pound even more and the room was uncomfortably warm, something he usually found comforting, but right now it was smothering him.

Keith blinked and tried to focus on Shiro’s words, knowing he was going to get reprimanded or made fun of if he didn’t pay attention, but he couldn’t seem to make sense of what Shiro was saying over the ringing in his ears. Keith was faintly aware of his sprained wrist throbbing with his heartbeat. He uncrossed his arms so he could try to rub out some of the tension and tightness in his wrist, but stopped short when the room started to spin. He felt himself losing his balance even though he was standing on solid ground and heard Hunk say his name, his voice full of concern. Keith knew he was going to fall over if he didn’t try to brace himself on something, but his thoughts were slow and his body wasn’t responding anyway. He could see the blurry figures of everyone turn to look at him, but they quickly were replaced by black dots that filled his vision. He felt his knees buckle and knew he needed to catch himself or else he was going to hit his head on the floor, and _hard_ , but his body didn’t seem to care. As he fell and his vision disappeared he couldn’t help but laugh to himself. _This can’t be good_.

 

* * *

 

The sound of Lance’s voice broke through Keith’s unconscious state. It took a moment before he could force his eyes to open and the rest of his body to wake up, but he clearly could hear the words of everyone around him.

“If he passed out, which he obviously just did, then clearly something is wrong, Shiro! People don’t just go around falling over unconscious if they are totally fine!”

“Lance is right, this isn’t normal,” Pidge said as Hunk spoke at the same time.

“Look, maybe we should put him in a healing pod, there could be something really wrong.”

“Guys, everyone needs to calm down, okay? Allura and Coran are right here if we need to do something like that, but just wait a minute and see if he wakes up.” Shiro’s barely hidden concern was enough to make Keith finally open his eyes with a groan.

“Keith! Oh, wow, I thought you were going to die for a minute, and while that’s actually kind of ridiculous to be freaking out about seeing as we face possible death, like, every day, it’s really good to see you’re alive and not, well, dead, and—”

“Hunk, buddy, give him some space. The guy was just unconscious, let him breathe.” Pidge put their hand on Hunk’s shoulder, which seemed to stop his panicked ramblings.

Keith blinked and took a deep breath, trying to figure out why he was lying on the ground with everyone freaking out around him. _Shiro was talking about the mission and then…_ He quickly sat up as he suddenly remembered the feeling of his body not responding to him, but this brought on a new intense wave of dizziness that he couldn’t cover up with everyone so close. The spots danced in his eyes again and he closed his eyes tight, waiting for it to pass. Keith felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked up to see it was Shiro, his eyes full of questions and worry. “Keith, what happened? Are you okay?”

The patient and caring tone in Shiro’s voice was enough to make Keith’s voice catch in his throat, but it was quickly replaced by the embarrassment of having everyone paying attention to him like this. “I’m fine, just tired, that’s all.” Keith could tell Shiro didn’t buy his story the moment his words left his mouth. Apparently, the rest of the team didn’t either and Allura stepped forward to meet Keith’s gaze.

“No, you’re not fine. You were just unconscious, Keith. You passed out with no warning and were out for several minutes, not to mention you hit your head pretty hard when you fell. What is going on?” At the mention of falling, Keith’s headache returned with full force, now combined with the dull throb in the back of his head where he assumed he must have hit it. He winced but quickly hid his pain, tucking it behind the mental wall where he forced just about everything else that he didn't want to deal with.

“I’m fine, guys, really. I just haven’t gotten much sleep and got tossed around a little during the fight.”

“Keith, we can’t help you if you don’t tell us what is going on,” Shiro started, but Keith’s anger flared up.

“I said I’m fine, okay?” Keith yelled and stood up quickly with the intent of going to his room, but he lost his balance again as the room spun. He would have dropped back down to the floor had it not been for the strong hand that grabbed his arm to steady him.

“Woah, easy there, Mullet.” The nickname was usually used to rile up Keith, but this time Lance’s voice was soft and serious. Keith looked at the hand on his arm before he met Lance’s gaze. Where he expected to find Lance’s face filled with amusement and a witty remark rolling off his tongue, Keith found two blue eyes looking at him with genuine concern and a little bit of fear. It threw him off and he couldn’t figure out what to say, but Lance somehow picked up on Keith’s mental stumble and took the lead, his usual collected and playful demeanor back on full force as he turned to the rest of the team.

“I’ll take sleeping beauty here back to his room and make sure he gets to bed. We can talk to him later, right now he looks like he might bite our heads off if we ask any more questions.” Shiro nodded, though it was clear that he wanted to question Keith further. Lance steered Keith toward the door slowly, making sure he wasn’t going to stumble again. They made it into the hall and walked to Keith’s room in silence. Keith had regained his balance and didn’t feel like he was going to fall again, but Lance’s hand stayed on his arm the whole time. Usually, he hated when other people touched him, but for some reason, he felt…safe with Lance holding onto him.

When they finally made it to Keith’s room, Lance dropped his hand from Keith’s arm and gave him a small smile before walking back in the direction they had come from. Keith watched Lance as he left and could still feel the warmth on his skin where Lance’s hand had been. Keith finally let his door close and made his way to his bed. He kicked off his boots before crawling onto his bed, and though he was completely exhausted, he found himself staring at the ceiling for a long while before sleep claimed him. Part of him knew his head was still scrambled and that he wasn’t thinking straight at all, but the other part of him wished that Lance had stayed. 

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, here it is. This is my first attempt at a fanfic so hopefully this doesn't end in blood and smoke, though I'm sure there will be many tears on my end for many different reasons. I love me some Klance, so you can bet your butt that there will be LOTS, but our favorite boys don't make anything easy, so be patient. It will come. Eventually. 
> 
>    
> Let me know what you think! I know this chapter is pretty short, but I want to get everything out as quickly as possible so the length of future chapters may vary. 


	2. Realizations

_He was a bother to everyone._

_There were more important things to be focusing on._

_Why did they care? Nobody was supposed to care._

_His walls were cracking._

 

* * *

 

 

Keith woke up the next day feeling disoriented and confused. Then the events of the day before came back to him and he threw an arm over his eyes with a groan. _Nobody is going to let me live that down. Maybe I’ll just lie here until they forget about it…or until I die._  Remembering the fact that he couldn't even walk back to his room by himself was mortifying. _Dying sounds good right about now._  He would have continued lying in bed had it not been for the quiet movement across his room.

Keith grabbed the knife from under his pillow and bolted out of his bed, ready to attack whoever was there. He stopped short and almost dropped the knife as two bright blue eyes gaped at him with shock and terror.

“Holy shit, Keith! Stop, it’s me!” Lance had thrown his hands up in the air in surrender as his voice continued to rise in pitch and volume. Keith lowered his knife, a scowl on his face. “Seriously, man, you can’t just go flinging that thing around at anyone who scares you! What would you have done if you had accidentally stabbed me, huh? You would have had a tough time explaining _that one_ to Hunk and Pidge, don't even get me started on what Coran would do to you. Not to mention you would be devastated without the ever-present company of yours truly.” Lance shrugged his shoulders, all evidence of his surprise moments before gone.

Keith took a careful breath to steady himself before responding. “What the hell are you doing in my room, Lance?”

Lance’s jaw dropped in a look of mock horror. “Are you kidding me? Come on, Mr. ‘I Cradled You In My Arms.’ We _totally_ had a bonding moment last night, don’t tell me you don’t remember. We were talking after the mission, you passed the quiznak out for no apparent reason, everyone was freaking out, I saved you from FALLING YET AGAIN, and then I practically carried you to your room.” Lance looked at Keith expectantly, but Keith’s frown only deepened.

“Sure, whatever.” Keith rolled his eyes and started lacing up his boots after looking at his slept-in clothes with a shrug. No point in changing them now. Lance gawked at Keith and crossed his arms angrily.

“What are you doing?”

Keith didn’t even look at Lance as he ran his fingers through his messy hair before grabbing his bayard and clipping it to his belt. “Leaving.”

“Okay, Keith, even I can see that.”  
  
“Great, so you can see me walking away. End of conversation.” Keith walked out the door and hurriedly headed down the hall in the direction of the training room. Lance realized where he was going and ran out the door behind him, sprinting to catch up. 

“What the hell, Keith? Are you seriously going to train? Now? You were literally unconscious like, 8 hours ago.”

“Well, I’m conscious now.” Keith kept his eyes down as he walked, not wanting to make eye contact with Lance. He didn’t want to think about what had happened, never mind _talk_ about it. And with Lance, of all people? No way in hell.

Keith reached the training room with Lance on his heels. The doors slid opened and he unclipped his bayard, finding comfort in the way his leather gloves molded to the handle. Without missing a beat, he spoke the command for the training sequence to begin. Lance squealed and jumped back as a training bot attacked with no warning, but Keith was expecting it. He threw up his hand with his bayard to meet the attack, his weapon transforming into his sword with the movement. Keith’s timing was perfect, and his sword met steel with a loud clang.

It was all too easy for Keith to fall into the rhythm of the fight, taking down one bot after another. When he activated his shield against an attack he was painfully reminded of his tender wrist, but he welcomed the pain. All his life he had faced irregularities; he never stayed in one place for too long, never got to know the people around him, always was the kid all by himself—pain, on the other hand, was the one friend that never left him. It was always the same, no matter what caused it or where he was. Sure, some things hurt more than others, but he’d learned early on in his life that there were worse things than broken bones.

 

* * *

 

Shiro watched Keith for several minutes in silence, watching the younger paladin work through his fights. He was worried about Keith, but he didn’t know how to go about it. He’d known Keith much longer than anyone else on the ship, but at times like these Shiro felt like he didn’t know Keith at all. He was used to Keith’s mood swings, his preference for action over diplomacy, his tendencies of pushing himself way too far, but never had anything like the day before happen to his friend. It was unlike Keith to be as distant with him as he had been during their last mission, but that was nothing compared to him passing out in the control room with no warning.

After Lance had returned from taking Keith to his room, Shiro had sat down with everyone and tried to answer their questions and dismantle their fears. It was hard to tell them that everything was going to be okay, though, when he had no idea what was going on in Keith’s head or why he had dropped to the ground unconscious like he did. It made Shiro nauseous just remembering Keith’s unfocused gaze and his body crumbling to the floor, his head hitting the floor with a sickening crack, thinking that his friend was maybe never going to wake up— Shiro bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood, the sharp pain breaking off his train of thought before it could go any further. Thinking like that wasn’t going to help Keith or anyone else for that matter.

Shiro let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and watched Keith for another minute in silence. Keith hacked mercilessly at the training bots, putting his sword through anything that came near him, his body moving easily through the complicated attacks. After another glance at Keith, Shiro walked back out of the training room and down the hallway with a sad smile. He couldn’t quite tell what Keith was really fighting, but it sure as hell wasn’t anything in the training room.

 

* * *

 

 _Okay, maybe I overexerted myself, just a little bit_. Keith laid on the floor of the training room breathing heavily as sweat rolled off his face. He felt light-headed and drained. Holding a hand in front his face, he laughed humorlessly at his shaking fingers before dropping them back down to the ground.

After several minutes, his heart rate slowed down enough that he finally felt comfortable getting up and heading to the showers. The scalding hot water was enough to lighten his mood, and after a quick stop in the kitchen for a handful of some weird space fruit they had found on a nearby planet, he felt much more like himself. When he ran into Pidge and Hunk talking over some tech thing with Coran, the three didn’t mention anything about the previous day, which was a relief to Keith. He hated not being in control and feeling like more of a burden than normal, and everything about him passing out was a giant red flag in his head. If anyone actually talked about it…Keith didn’t even want to think about how much that would seriously suck.

He managed to get through the rest of the day without too much trouble. Lance was mysteriously quieter than usual, which Keith found odd but relaxing, and everyone else seemed to be dancing carefully around all of their words, but Keith didn’t expect much different from his team. He knew he had a short temper, and he was sure that nobody wanted to piss him off after last night, but Keith didn’t really understand why they were all so worried. It made him more and more uneasy every time he caught Shiro sneaking a concerned glance at Keith to make sure he was still upright during their group training that evening. After one too many not-so-concealed looks, Keith finally snapped.

“Jesus, Shiro, I’m not going to just keel over and die, you know. But I swear, if you look at me one more time, you’ll be the one knocked out on the ground.” Shiro straightened and tried to conceal his guilt and embarrassment, but Keith saw through it all. Somehow that seemed to remove the awkward tension between everyone, and the rest of the team broke out in laughter.

After they were done training, Lance would not stop showing everyone his impersonation of Shiro’s face when Keith told him off. After denying it four different times, Shiro gave up on it all and chuckled to himself. The team needed to relax and bond like this. They had been holding in way too much stress and uneasiness the last few days, and they needed this, badly. Much more so than he had realized until now. Shiro noticed that even Keith looked better. He saw the younger boy cover up a smile or two throughout the evening, which made his own humiliation well worth it. At least until Lance took his mockery too far and Shiro had to step in to prevent a verbal war between Lance and Pidge, a fight he knew would end with Pidge slaughtering Lance.

He wasn’t able to stop her from firing a flaming insult at Lance. Across the room, Keith burst into laughter, his first genuine laugh in days. Rather than rising to the challenge like he normally would, Lance just looked at Keith, stunned as a realization hit him like a freight train.

* * *

 

Lance would never tell anyone, but Keith had scared him shitless that night he passed out. Sure, everyone had been worried about Keith—they would have been worried about anyone suddenly losing consciousness. But when Lance saw Keith, he felt like he was falling himself. He saw the brief moment of terror in Keith’s eyes when he had realized that his body had stopped responding to him, and he watched the moment Keith lost himself. Lance had never been so scared in his life.

The moment after Keith had hit the ground, Lance dropped to his knees, not even daring to breathe. His hands were surprisingly steady as he grabbed Keith’s face and searched for his pulse to make sure he was still breathing. He felt Keith’s erratic heartbeat under his skin and let out a shaky breath. He heard the panicked voices of everyone else around him, but he couldn’t make sense of any of their words. All he could seem to focus on was the unmoving face of the boy he held in his arms, even though he didn’t remember pulling him into his lap. He reached one hand out and gently brushed the hair out of Keith’s face, his fingertips trailing down Keith’s face and along his jaw. How had he never noticed before that Keith could look so… vulnerable?

Lance couldn’t figure out what possessed him to take Keith back to his room that night, but he couldn’t bring himself to let Keith out of his sight, at least not yet. When Keith had almost fallen over, it was instinct that brought up Lance’s hands to steady him, but Lance had not expected to feel Keith trembling beneath his hold. Keith had turned to him to spout some ridiculous nonsense about how he was perfectly fine to walk himself back, but his bravado hit a wall the moment he had met Lance’s gaze. Sure, the guy was bad at expressing himself, but he hadn't ever looked that lost and confused—at least not around Lance. It had been a long time since anyone had rattled Lance like that, and he felt Keith’s pain in his gut and it _hurt._

He told himself it was his brotherly instinct, that he was already up so it made sense that he walked Keith back. That it was just worry that made him reluctant to leave Keith alone at his doorway. That it was his own paranoia that made him want to turn back around as he walked down the hall away from Keith. That it was their friendship that made his stomach churn at the memory of Keith pale and unmoving on the ground. That is was their connection as paladins that made him run to the bathroom to throw up before making his way back to the control room because he couldn’t stop the one thought that was screaming on repeat inside his head: _W_ _hat if Keith had died?_  

* * *

 

Lance told himself a lot of things that night, but the minute Keith was laughing that next day, Lance realized they were all lies.

He had fallen for Keith.

He had fallen hard and he knew he didn’t have a chance.

_Fuck me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in 24 hours?! (Wow, Sky, you should probably get some sleep so you aren't dozing off at work during the day.) Let's just say that I'm obsessed with this fic already and just really want to get further in. I have a lot of plans in store for the future. I'm not going to spoil anything, but there is a LOT coming, so get ready. I'm not sure when I'll have the next chapter up since I've got to finish sewing my cosplay for a convention this weekend (and then go to said convention), but hopefully it won't be too long. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading the first two chapters! If you have any questions or suggestions, let me know ^_^


	3. Mistakes

_Dying was supposed to be easy._

_He wouldn't be bringing them down anymore._

_Who cared about a dropout, anyway?_

_Except... now **he** is here._

 

* * *

 

 

Keith pressed his hands into his eyes to try to get rid of the pounding in his skull. His headaches had become more and more frequent, and he couldn’t remember the last full day that he hadn’t had his head throbbing at some point or another. So maybe he needed to get more sleep. And eat regularly. And maybe actually relax for once. _This sucks._  

“Uh…Keith, buddy, you good?” Keith jumped at the sound of Lance’s voice, his hands immediately dropping into his lap below the table. Keith had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he had forgotten that the whole team was eating dinner together and that he was very much not alone right now. He dropped his gaze to his clenched hands to avoid the questioning looks coming at him now from every side of the table. 

“I’m fine. It’s just a headache, that’s all.” Keith could feel the concern of everyone in the room immediately rise. The last time they knew his head hurt he had passed out, so it only made sense, but it agitated him more to see them worrying again. _If only they knew how often I felt like this. They’d never let me out of the infirmary._

Shiro’s gaze was the sternest of all, and Keith knew it without even looking up. “Keith, you know that if you aren’t feeling well you have to tell us. We don’t want you collapsing like last time and we can’t help you if you don’t talk to us.”

“Who said I needed your help?” The words spewed out of Keith’s mouth with more venom than he had intended, but it was too late to take them back. He looked up and saw the hurt plain on Shiro’s face. “Wait, Shiro, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean—”

“No, it’s fine. You meant what you said. I’ll see you all tomorrow. I’ll be in Black’s hangar if anyone needs me.” Shiro turned and left the room, taking the team’s energy with him. Keith could feel the stares and glares from everyone. _Now you’ve done it. Great freaking job, ace._

“I’m going to go check on Shiro.” Allura stood up and left without another word, Coran trailing not far behind her. Hunk began to pick up the half-eaten plates since it was obvious that nobody was going to be finishing their dinner. Pidge glared at Keith and mumbled something about needing to go work on coding, and then it was just Keith and Lance. The silence was awkward and Keith didn’t know what to do about it. He was pretty sure Lance was pissed at him too, but he would almost prefer a snide comment at his expense to the silence that was stretching between them. He knew he had messed up, but what was new? He was always saying the wrong thing, managing to let everyone down and bringing everyone down with him. Why did Shiro even care? He shouldn’t care that much, none of them should. They had bigger things to be worrying about, like the Galra and finding Pidge’s family and saving the entire freaking universe, so they didn’t have time to be stressing about him.

A loud thud startled the both of them, and it wasn’t until Keith looked down that he realized he had punched the table. Keith watched as blood began to well up and drip down his hand from his split knuckles. He didn’t move, letting himself focus on the pain in his hand instead of the ramblings in his head. He didn’t understand people. People were messy and complicated and so easy to break and ruin. He did understand pain, though, and it was a lot more simple than anything else that was going on.

The blood continued to steadily drip from his hand and onto the floor. _I must have hit it a lot harder than I thought for it to bleed this much…_ Another drop hit the floor, and that seemed to snap Lance out of his frozen stupor. He grabbed a towel that had been on the table and grabbed Keith’s arm. Keith watched in silence as Lance wrapped the towel around his hand tightly, not even wincing as the rough fabric pressed into his knuckles. Keith tensed when Lance grabbed his other hand, but the other boy put it on top of his wrapped hand. “Shit, Keith. Here, put pressure on it. I’ll be right back, I’m grabbing a med kit.”

After a minute, Lance returned with one of the many med kits that they had stored around the castle. The team was fairly accident-prone, plus with as many attacks as they had faced in the past, it was a lot easier to just patch each other up for minor injuries and save the cryopods for the more serious ones.

Keith hadn’t moved from where Lance had left him. He watched as Lance sat down next to him and began pulling out the Altean equivalent of some gauze and medical tape that he set on the table beside them. Lance shook his head with a small smile, pulling Keith’s good hand off and resting it back on the boy’s leg before unwrapping his bleeding hand. Seeing that the bleeding had slowed down to a more manageable rate, Lance carefully cleaned off the rest of Keith’s hand. Once the hand was cleaned off, save for the still bleeding knuckles, Lance rested Keith’s hand on his own knee so that he could wrap it easier.

“You don’t have to do this, you know.” Keith’s voice was quiet as he met Lance’s gaze.

“I know that. But I want to.” Lance was surprisingly serious, which only confused Keith more. Lance realized that he had stopped wrapping Keith’s hand and was staring at him intensely. _Too_ intensely with _Keith’s hand in his hands_. He hastily started wrapping it as he slid back behind his confident demeanor, hoping that Keith hadn’t noticed the change. “Besides, if I don’t clean it up you definitely won’t, and then you’ll have to answer a lot more questions when everyone notices your busted hand in the morning.” Lance finished securing the tape and to his surprise, Keith let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that." 

“Hold the phone, Mullet. Did you just say that I was right? Holy quiznak.” 

“It’s not a mullet, and no, I take it all back.” Keith clenched and relaxed his hand, testing Lance’s handiwork. _He did a good job._

“Oh, no, not so fast there, Alien Boy. You can’t just take back a compliment like that.” Lance flashed a wicked smile at Keith before letting out a dramatic groan. “Nobody is going to believe me! Come on, you can’t deny it because nobody is going to believe me over you, but the world’s gotta know that _you_ said that _I_ was right.”

Keith fought the urge to let his mouth curl into a smile. “Are you just going to keep calling me bad nicknames?”

“Abso-freaking-lutely Space Cowboy. It’s cringe-worthy pseudonyms or a confession—you choose.”

“Yippee ki yay.” Keith deadpanned, which only drew another laugh from Lance. Keith glared at Lance until he was done laughing. He turned to leave the room but stopped at the doorway, not daring to turn back around to face Lance or look up from the ground. “Thanks. For the hand. You really didn’t have to, so…. Yeah. Thanks, I guess.” The second he was done talking, Keith stepped into the hall and quickly made his way back to his room. _Holy shit I just thanked Lance. Twice. What is wrong with me?_

Had Keith turned around, he would have seen the moment of shock on the Cuban boy’s face that turned into a huge smile.

 

* * *

 

Keith had finally managed to get to sleep when the alarm system on the ship woke him up. He jumped out of bed and quickly slid on his red and white paladin armour. With his helmet tucked under his arm and his bayard in his free hand, Keith sprinted down the halls to the control room where he found Coran, Allura, and Shiro already waiting. Moments later Lance, Pidge, and Hunk stumbled in, all three looking slightly less-than-awake than their teammates.

“Paladins,” Allura began. “We have a problem.”

Several minutes later, the five paladins were in their lions and shooting away from the Castle of Lions. Allura had been alerted that a nearby planet in this solar system was under attack by Galra ships, and a lot of them. As they flew, Shiro spoke over the comms to make sure that everyone understood the plan. Though there were more enemy ships than they had been fighting lately, it was the same drill as usual—get there, form Voltron, take down the ships until they were all defeated or had retreated into the depths of the solar system, and then break off and help the natives of the planet however they needed it.

It wasn’t long before they reached the planet. It wasn’t hard to figure out where on the planet the fighting was taking place—thanks to the Galra’s destructive and careless methods, dust and debris quickly clouded the atmosphere, making it easy to spot from space.

“Not to ruin the good vibes here, but for that much atmospheric disturbance that has to be like, a _lot_ of ships.” Hunk sounded slightly nauseous.

“We’ve fought bigger fleets before and won, and that was ages ago. This should be a piece of cake.” Pidge said.

“Pidge is right. We shouldn’t get overconfident, but we can do this. We just have to focus and work as a team, okay?” As Shiro spoke, the five lions began their descent through the planet’s atmosphere, bringing them into view of the battlefield below. A simultaneous gasp rang out between the paladins as they took in their surroundings.

The locals had obviously tried their best and hadn’t given up, but whatever they had used to initially defend themselves had been obliterated. Where there weren’t craterous holes in the ground there were flames and smoke. The planet was outnumbered 10 to 1, maybe more, and the Galra weren’t letting up on their relentless slaughter. They weren’t taking prisoners today, they were taking out an entire race and their planet along with it.

“Those bastards are going to pay.” Keith growled in anger. He could feel Red rumble, mirroring his own emotions. _I know, girl. Let’s take them down._ Keith opened his mouth to yell that he was abandoning the group to go help but was cut off by Lance.

“Shiro, Voltron isn’t going to fix this. They are too spread out and there are too many of them. We need to split up and take them out in groups.” 

“Lance is right,” Pidge said. “We should break up and try to draw the heavier fire away from the natives and onto us.”

Shiro hesitated for a second before answering. “Agreed. But we can’t split up altogether. I don’t want anyone getting backed into a corner alone. Pidge and Hunk, you two can split off to the left and then I—”

“Lance and I will take the right. You go with them Shiro, we’ve got this.” Keith said, surprising everyone, especially Lance. Keith usually picked Lance last to work with.

“Keith, I don’t know about that,” Shiro started.

“Mullet and I can handle it, Shiro. Besides, there are more baddies over there than where we are going. Pidge and Hunk, no offense, will need you over there.”

“Lance, let’s go.” Keith pulled off to the right and Lance followed suit, neither waiting for a confirmation from Shiro. After a few seconds of silence, Hunk and Pidge took off with Shiro to the left. It didn’t take long for the Galra ships to notice the two groups, and immediately they were under heavy fire.

“Well, Pidge, looks like your plan is working. Though it’s going a little _too_ well for my liking,” said Lance.

“Sometimes being a genius is a burden.” 

“Pidge! On your six, incoming!” Hunk yelled out, snapping everyone back into focus.

Keith and Lance, even with their constant bickering and alleged rivalry, were a good team. Keith was quicker and more agile, enabling him to weave in and out of shots while Lance took the ships out while they were focused on the red lion.

“So, Resident Galra, are you still not going to admit that you said I was right last night? Because that was kind of a big deal and everyone needs to know it happened.”

“Lance, this really isn’t the time for that, plus that name is the worst yet,” Keith snapped back as he dodged a blast and returned fire, blowing up the attacking ship. Then he added “but I don’t even know what you are talking about.”

“What? Oh, come on, Keith! You can’t just leave me hanging here, you totally know what you said. The least you could do after I so kindly bandaged your bleeding hand is back me up.”

“No way.”

“And you even said thank you. I mean, come on, that’s _never_ happened!”

“Shut up, Lance.” Keith rolled his eyes and realized he was smiling. What was wrong with him?

Suddenly, a ship appeared in front of him and began firing. Keith swore and tried to maneuver away from his attacker, but nearly flew into another ship that had tagged up with the one already firing at him. Keith desperately fired at the two Galra ships while trying to create some distance between him and their guns. He thought that he had finally managed to lose them, but flipped Red around to find himself nearly surrounded by enemy ships. Keith continued to move Red in and out of blasts, but soon there were too many ships and their hits started landing. Keith felt Red crying out in his mind as she was hit several times. _Shit shit shit._

“I need help, Lance!” Keith heard the panicked responses from Shiro and the others, but he tuned them out to focus on the one voice that could help him.

“Hold on, Keith, I’m coming!”

“I’m surrounded and Red’s been hit a lot. She’s losing power and I—” Keith was cut off as a strong blast hit hard, tossing him out of the ring of Galra ships surrounding him. His hands were ripped off the controls as he was thrown back against his seat. Red was unresponsive as she flipped through the air several times before finally Keith could finally get his hands back on the controls. He blinked and shook his head, trying to clear the ringing in his ears. He could feel blood trickling down the side of his face where his forehead had crashed into his helmet. Finally the noise in his ears turned into words that turned into Lance yelling at Keith over the comms.

“—almost over there, Keith. Hey, answer me! Are you okay? Keith?”

Keith coughed and straightened Red, feeling her slowly coming back online. “I’m okay, I’m booting Red back up but it’s going to be a few ticks. That blast must have shorted something.” Keith looked around as he waited for his lion to be ready, but was met with empty space. _Where did they all go?_

He found his answer as he heard Lance screaming his name in his helmet. Keith watched as what he assumed to be the captain’s ship squared off with Red, who was still not responding to Keith. He saw the huge canon gathering power for a huge blast, a blast that Keith quickly realized was going to hit him straight on. He let out a shaky breath as he gripped the controls, but he knew there was no way he was going to be able to get out of this, not with his lion non-operational. “Hey, Lance?”

Lance’s voice came through strained and panicked. “Keith, what are you doing? Get out of there!”

“Red isn’t responding. She’s—we can’t move, she took too much damage from that last hit, so, yeah.” Keith could hear Shiro yelling something. They must have realized what was going on. It was too late though for anyone to do anything.

“Wait, Keith, I’m almost over there, there are just so many of them and they won’t—they won’t let me clear a path to you. Shit, hold on, Keith, I’ve got this, I can help you!” Lance sounded determined, but Keith knew it was hopeless.

He could feel Red in his mind. He could feel her helplessness and her struggle to power back on. Most of all, he could feel her fear, not for herself but for Keith, her paladin. Keith laid his hand flat on the control panel and leaned back in his seat. “It’s okay, Red. It’ll all be okay.” He watched as the ship continued to gather energy. _That’s going to be a huge blast. That’s going to hurt._  

Keith took a deep breath and hoped that his voice wouldn’t betray his fear. He hadn’t ever feared dying before, but being face-to-face with the thing that was going to kill you and being unable to stop it was less than an ideal way to go out. “Hey guys, I don’t think I’m getting out of this one.” Keith let out a nervous laugh and heard shouting from everyone. They were afraid, for him. When did they grow so attached to him? Didn’t they know they’d be better off with a better paladin? He was just a dropout, he was hotheaded, he made mistakes that got his friends hurt. There were a million pilots that were better fit for the job than he was. This was for the best…right?

“Anyway, I’m sorry for everything. It’s been amazing fighting with you.” Keith switched his communication line so that he could only hear Lance. He wasn’t sure why, but he wanted, no, he _needed_ it to be Lance at the end. He could hear Lance talking to his lion and muttering angry Spanish under his breath as he fought the onslaught of Galra ships centered on attacking him.

“Hey, Lance, you there?”

“Keith? Yeah, I’m here, buddy. I’m… I’m trying. I’m trying really freaking hard. I’m going to get there, I can save you.”

“Lance, it’s okay. It’s better this way. Don’t blame yourself, we all know I got myself into this one. Anyway, thanks for everything. I… I don’t hate you, or anything. I mean here I am and I cut off communication with everyone, even Shiro who is practically my brother, and it’s just you now and… I don’t know where I’m going with this. But thanks. I wish I could redo the last few months. I think… I think we could have been really good friends. Lance… keep fighting. The team needs you.” Keith’s breath caught in his throat as he saw the ship in front of him stop gathering power. The blast was coming. “Goodbye, Lance.” Keith turned off all communications.

As the blast started to fire off, Keith kept his hands on Red, her presence in his mind a comfort greater than he had ever known before.

He braced for the impact.

Movement coming at him from the side caught his eye.

The streak of blue was coming right for him.

It hit him as the blast fired off, knocking him away from the direct path of the energy.

Blue?

Blue! 

Blue wasn’t supposed to be there.

Blue meant Lance.

But Lance wasn’t supposed to be here.

He felt the second impact, signaling the shot had hit him.

He felt like he was being torn apart.

Lance was being torn apart.

He felt himself losing consciousness.

Lance had pushed him out of the way.

He was falling.

Lance took the direct hit.

Lance was going to die.

It was all his fault.

 

* * *

 

 

Dammit, Keith, not like this. You don’t get to choose when you die. Not here, not now. I’m coming, hold on. No, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this Keith please not now you can’t die on me. Hold on just a minute longer, I can get you out of there I can save you. I’m coming. It’s about to fire I’m almost there I can see you I’m coming hold on I’m going to push you out of the way it’ll be fine we can get out before it hits us ouch okay hitting you hurt more than I thought but you’re going to be okay now okay promise me Keith you’re going to be okay oh wow this thing is hitting me now I’m never going to go home and see my family or tell anyone goodbye but if it’s for you Keith it’s okay maybe now you’ll get the chance to live the life you’ve never known how to live you can do it you’re allowed to be happy I promise it’s all okay now I saved you I made it in time I oh no oh god it hurts it hurts it hurts why does it hurt so much Keith why does it hurt Keith Keith Keith are you okay it hurts it hurts it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. It's after midnight, I'm crying, I have work in seven hours, everything is fine. Sorry for the cliffhanger, hopefully, I can get chapter 4 out asap. Also, if there are any blaring grammatical/spelling errors please let me know, I barely read through this after writing it bc I was so excited to get it out to you guys. <3 Sky


	4. Pain

_Why did everything hurt?_

_He'd never messed up this badly._

_This was all his fault._

_Where was Lance?_

 

* * *

  

 _Pain_.

 

Keith was back in the desert at his shack. Everything was just as he had left it, except this time he wasn’t there alone. All of his friends were there. His _family_ was there. Shiro and Allura were off talking to each other, Pidge and Hunk were building a makeshift radio out of the scrap metal they found lying around, and Coran was engrossed in studying every “Earth item” that he could find. As for Lance—Lance was in the kitchen with Keith. They were working together to make dinner for everyone, and it felt right. There was none of their usual hostility, just the occasional banter, and, strangely enough, Keith _liked_ Lance being right there with him.

“So, you just going to stand there all day admiring the view, or are you going to help me?” Lance smiled and Keith felt his face heat up. He really liked when Lance smiled at him like that. It made him feel special, like he wasn’t just a stupid dropout with some serious anger issues. It made him feel like he had a purpose again.

After Keith playfully shoved Lance out of the way to reach into a cabinet, he felt Lance rest a hand on his back. Keith froze, unsure how to react to the sudden physical contact. The hand slid down Keith’s spine, eliciting an almost inaudible gasp from him. Once the hand reached his waist, Keith felt Lance close what little distance remained between them. The taller boy wrapped his arms around Keith’s waist and slowly rested his chin on Keith’s shoulder. Keith could feel Lance’s breaths on his ear and it sent a shiver through his whole body. Keith took a deep, steadying breath in an effort to understand what was happening. His rational side was screaming that something was wrong, but there was another part of him that wanted to melt into the embrace.

After several drawn-out seconds, the latter side won. Keith relaxed into the arms that held him as he tilted his head to rest on Lance’s. He realized that he was smiling, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t mask it. _It’s so…warm._ Lance picked his head up when he felt the small frame of the boy he held shaking. “Keith, what’s wrong?”

Keith felt Lance’s concerned eyes on him, and that was enough to let him release the laugh that he was poorly keeping contained. His own purple eyes met the deepest blue he had ever seen. Keith laughed again, a slight blush creeping across his cheeks. He flashed a bursting smile at Lance with tears in his eyes. “I-I think I’m happy.”

Lance’s mouth was open in shock as he watched a single tear make its way down Keith’s cheek. Without breaking eye contact, he let go of Keith and turned him so one hand was on Keith’s shoulder. The other hand gently brushed the tear away and found its home caressing Keith’s cheek. Keith found himself leaning into the touch with closed eyes, a smile still dancing on his lips.

His eyes fluttered open when he felt Lance’s other hand running through his hair. Keith realized just how close the two were standing, but he made no move to step back and shatter whatever was being created here. His blush deepened and he found himself unable to look Lance in the eye, so he settled on looking at his lips. _Bad idea, very bad idea._ How had he never noticed how perfect Lance’s lips were? Thin but unblemished, just like the rest of his face.

Keith heard Lance’s sharp intake of breath, and his eyes instantly made their way back to the blues staring right at him. He watched as Lance nervously licked his lips. And then he was leaning in. Their lips met, tentatively at first, but then Keith’s hands were in Lance’s hair and the two were gasping for breath between kisses. Keith felt a strange buzzing in the back of his head, but it was pushed out of his mind as the feeling of _Lance_ consumed his entire being. Lance’s hands in his hair and bunching up his shirt, the shivers following fingers dragging across bare skin, the taste of Lance’s lips on his, their bodies somehow fitting together perfectly.

 

_Pain_

Keith broke off the kiss with a hiss, his eyes closed as he felt a wave of pure agony wash over his body.

“Keith, what’s wrong?” Lance was panicking at the sudden change in Keith, his hands grasping at Keith’s shirt as the boy staggered. Keith was the paladin who hid his pain, no matter how bad it got. Keith was the first to fight, an “ask questions later” kind of guy.

 

_It hurt_

 

“I-It’s fine, Lance. I’m fine—” Keith broke off with a barely contained scream, dropping to his knees. His head felt like it was being split in half. Keith brought his hands to his head, hands clenched in his hair as if that would somehow rip the pain out. Keith was faintly aware of Lance falling to his knees in front of Keith, his hands holding onto him as if he were the only thing keeping Keith from falling apart entirely.

Keith could see Lance yelling, but he couldn’t make out the words. All he could focus on was not screaming. He’d never felt this kind of pain before. It was everywhere and it was consuming him. Keith faintly recognized the blurry faces of this team behind Lance, but the only thing that was in focus were Lance’s eyes. Eyes that were usually so full of happiness and confidence. Eyes that were full of fear and helplessness and tears. God, Keith hated to see Lance hurting like this. He wanted to make it better, to make Lance stop crying because seeing him breaking down was almost more painful than the fire that was ravaging his body. _Almost_.

Keith opened his mouth to console Lance, to tell everyone to stop worrying, that he was fine, but the second he did he felt an even greater pain in his side than before. He tried to bite back the scream, but the more he tried to hold it in the more pressure was put on his body. He tried to take in a deep breath but found himself choking for air, his lungs not cooperating. His breaths were coming in short and sharp. They weren’t enough, he needed more air. Keith brought a hand to his throat and another ripped at his shirt. Lance’s hands were on him, trying to understand and help, but Keith couldn’t do anything but try to breathe.

 

_It hurts so much_

 

His eyes found Lance’s, and seeing the raw fear there tipped Keith over the edge. He felt his cheeks become wet with his own tears as he gasped for breath.

 

_Make it stop_

 

A new wave of pain had Keith’s head swimming. He was dizzy. He didn’t have enough air to scream. Lance was screaming his name. Everyone was screaming his name. _I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry._

 

_Please_

 

Keith tried to draw in a small breath, but his lungs refused. His vision was fading and all he could see now was the blue in front of him. Those heartbroken, terrified blue eyes. His wasn’t sure what was worse, the feeling of suffocating or the pain of everything else. No, the look in Lance’s eyes was definitely the worst part. He felt hands on his cheeks. _Lance’s hands._ Keith smiled faintly through it all, if only to reassure Lance. Then he was falling and everything stopped.

 

* * *

 

Keith’s eyes shot open as he gasped for breath. Everything hurt. So much. It hurt to breathe. Keith blinked back the tears forming in his eyes and tried to think past the fog in his mind. _Why does everything hurt? And why is it so loud?_

_The Galra ship. The canon firing at him. Blue. Blue? LANCE._

“LANCE!” Keith screamed and instantly regretted it as he felt his body shifting back toward unconsciousness with the sudden movement. Keith gritted his teeth and fought it, bringing himself back with several deep, painful breaths. _Okay, you are no good to him if you pass out again. Take it slower._

Keith blinked slowly and tried to get his vision to focus long enough for him to figure out what was going on. The inside of Red was _destroyed._ It looked like someone had taken a blaster to every inch of the equipment, and there were scorch marks everywhere. Keith realized he had been knocked out of his chair and thrown across the room. Looking down at himself he groaned. A few ribs were definitely broken—he could feel it with every stabbing breath that he took—probably from being thrown around. His helmet was cracked, and when he reached up to pull it off he felt the sickening, warm feeling that only signaled bad news. He brought his fingers back down and cringed at the blood that covered them. _Okay, the helmet is staying on._ Keith mentally hit himself, wishing he hadn’t turned off his comms before he… before Lance… Lance. He needed to find Lance.

His arms were sore, but seemed to be functioning better than the rest of his body. Keith looked down at his legs and stifled a small scream when he tried to shift his weight. His left ankle was throbbing, probably sprained, but that wasn’t what had him concerned. Sticking out of his right thigh was a huge piece of metal that presumably had come from somewhere inside his broken lion. “Shit.” There was a sizeable amount of blood surrounding the wound and leaking out of it, but Keith knew that the metal was keeping him from bleeding out. _Looks like you’re staying there too._

Keith tried to stand, but the moment he tried to shift enough weight onto his leg to get up he cried out in pain. He saw a lip in the wall behind him that was low enough that he could reach from the floor, if he could get there. Biting his bottom lip to keep from screaming obscenities the entire way, Keith dragged himself across his lion to the side. He took a deep breath and _pulled_ himself up until he was leaning against the wall. The room spun and a wave of nausea was steadily creeping up, but Keith couldn’t wait for it to pass. He had to find Lance. Gritting his teeth, Keith leaned off the wall, trying to put as much weight onto his sprained ankle as possible in an effort to keep his right leg from bleeding anymore, but the pain had him panting as tears streaked down his face, mixing with the blood already falling down his face.

Keith put one foot in front of the other, not even caring that he was borderline sobbing with every step. It didn’t matter though because he had to get to Lance. If he was hurt this bad…Lance…Lance had taken the full hit…Lance could be… Keith bit his lip till he tasted blood, the sensation ending his current train of thought. _Don’t think about it. Just keep walking. Find Lance. You have to find Lance._

It took three times as long as he thought it would to get out of Red, partially due to the broken beams, wires, and _pieces_ that were obstructing the entire walkway. The other reason was that he had to stop every few feet to stop from passing out. Keith finally made it out of Red’s barely open mouth and was thankful that she had somehow managed to leave a way out even though she had taken so much damage.

Once his feet hit the ground outside, he immediately began scouting his surroundings. They had crashed onto the planet that they had been fighting on, that much was apparent, but Keith couldn’t really see much with all the dust that clouded the air. Since his helmet was cracked, Keith was a little relieved to discover that the air was dense, but breathable. He looked around for any sign of the blue lion, desperately searching for any sign that Lance was alive—that he hadn’t been completely obliterated. Keith slowly limped around his crashed lion, looking in every direction. It sounded like the fighting had calmed down up above him, but he could still hear the occasional blast or explosion of something blowing up. Hopefully, everyone else was okay.

Keith was shaking with effort and frustration after walking for a few minutes with no sign of Blue. He had never felt this helpless before. Even when Shiro had been presumed dead on Kerberos, Keith hadn’t felt like _this._ He had known Shiro had to be alive out there; he just had to find him. His breath hitched as he realized the critical difference here. _It was his fault. Lance getting hit was because of him_.

Keith’s legs almost gave out as the weight of what had happened crashed into him all at once.

It was all his fault. Lance could be dead, because of him. Because he had to get cornered and Lance had to save him. _Why would he save him?_ Lance could be dead. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. No. Lance couldn’t be dead. He couldn’t be. There was no way. It was his fault. He shouldn’t have let Lance push him out of the way. He should have fought harder. He should have just taken the hit without saying goodbye, that way Lance would have never known how close he was. Lance had to be alive. He had to be. He…he couldn’t live if Lance was dead because of him. What would he do if Lance was dead?

Keith was about to give into the emotions and exhaustion that were threatening to consume him when he saw a glint of light reflecting off something metal not too far off. He took a few shuffled steps in its direction, trying to gauge what it was. Could it…?

Though it was charred and cracked, Keith would recognize that blue anywhere. The blue so close to the blue he had gazed into when he was unconscious and dreaming of the desert. It was Blue.

Keith broke out into a run, pushing himself to move as fast as his screaming limbs would allow him. He was struggling for breath and fighting for his vision to refocus when he finally reached it. He didn’t hesitate before climbing up into Blue’s mouth. Keith shut off his mind, refusing to think about anything except for getting to Lance.

He made his way through the rubble, pushing aside his growing fear as he took in the extent of Blue’s damage. Bracing himself on anything he could and ignoring the blood that was now steadily pouring out around the metal in his leg, leaving a trail everywhere Keith stepped, he made his way to the cockpit as quickly as he could. He struggled to push through a giant piece of something, of Blue, that was blocking Keith from reaching the area. He nearly fell into the room as the metal suddenly gave way, but he quickly caught himself. His eyes desperately fell to where the control panel was supposed to be, where Lance was supposed to be, but found it unrecognizable. The chair was empty. 

Keith stumbled over to it, looking for any sign of Lance. His eyes fell to a large pile of debris off to the left and his breath caught in his throat. A small speck of blue stood out against the rubble, and then Keith was there ripping things away, off of the blue paladin, _his paladin_. When there was enough room for him to reach, Keith managed to pull Lance out of the wreckage. His leg decided to stop working then, and he fell painfully onto his knees, jarring every wound on his body, but he didn’t care. All he could focus on was the blurring blue in front of him.

Lance was still wearing his helmet, which appeared to be the only piece of his armor that hadn’t been all but destroyed in the blast. Keith pulled Lance’s head onto his lap, avoiding the metal in his leg as best as he could. He carefully pulled the helmet off Lance’s head and pressed his fingers to the other boy’s throat, desperately feeling for a pulse. Lance was so cold and so still. His face was too pale under the blood and grime, and Keith could tell without really looking that his body was wrecked.

Finally, Keith’s fingers felt the smallest flutter under Lance’s skin and he released the breath he’d been holding since he had pulled Lance out. He hardly felt the tears flowing steadily down his face in relief. With one hand cradling Lance’s head, Keith grabbed the blue and white helmet with the other. He could see the slow blinking of light inside signifying that somehow Lance’s communication line had managed to survive the blast. Keith painfully pulled off his helmet, wincing as he felt whatever damage done to his head hit the cold air, and slipped on Lance’s helmet. He unmuted the line, only to be instantly slammed with loud voices from his team.

“—eith and Lance have to be somewhere on the planet, we just have to keep looking.” Shiro’s voice only betrayed a little quiver of the emotions he was really feeling.

“Guys, I’m getting a faint signal from the blue lion,” Pidge said. Keith could hear them typing furiously into their controls, trying to pinpoint the signal.

“Hey, guys,” Keith croaked out, his voice barely coming out as a rasp. It was enough though, and he was instantly bombarded with questions and shouting, so much shouting. It was getting harder to focus on words though, so Keith ignored what they were saying. “I’m in Blue. I found Lance, he’s…he needs help quick.” Keith’s voice broke on the last words, and a few tears dropped from his chin onto Lance’s unmoving face.

Shiro’s calm voice broke the silence. “We’re coming, Keith. Hold on.” Keith could hear him shouting orders to everyone else and something about getting Allura and the castle, but he found himself babbling to nobody while he ran his trembling fingers down Lance’s face and through his hair.

“It’s all my fault, you know? He’d be fine if it wasn’t for me. He’s so quiet. I used to think I would love for him to just shut-up, you know? But-but this is awful. This isn’t what I wanted.” A quiet sob escaped Keith’s lips as more tears spilled from his eyes. “I just want him to say something. I don’t care what it is, just _something._ Come on, Lance, please? Please wake up. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. This is all my fault and you shouldn’t be here, you were supposed to be safe and now you’re hurt because of me. No, you’re dying because of me. God, Lance just say something! I’ll do anything!” Keith was yelling now, not caring as sobs wracked his body, sending fresh waves of pain with every movement. “Please, Lance. It should be me. It was supposed to be me, not you! I was supposed to die, but you had to fucking care about me. Why? Why do you have to fucking care so much, Lance? God dammit answer me! Say something, Lance.”

* * *

“LANCE!”

Hunk barreled into the room and rushed to Lance’s side, quickly followed by Shiro and Pidge. Keith looked up at them and shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, tears still streaming down his face. “It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

Shiro knelt down and gently grabbed Keith’s chin, forcing the red paladin to look him in the eye. Shiro’s eyes were kind, but Keith could see the fear trying to push past the surface. It looked like Shiro was about to say something, but he stopped as he noticed the blood on Keith’s face. “Keith, are you hurt?” Keith looked at him in confusion and then let out a strangled sound that sounded like a laugh drowning in a sob.

“Don’t worry about me, Lance needs help.” Keith tried to shift Lance off his legs so that the others could help get him out of there, but the movement sent him almost falling over as the room spun dangerously. _Oops, I guess I must have lost more blood._ Shiro’s strong arms stabilized Keith, but with Lance shifted, Keith’s impaled leg was out in the open. Pidge let out a small “ _shit_ ” and Keith looked down at his leg. _Okay, make that lost a lot of blood._

“I’m fine, Shiro. Focus on Lance. My leg doesn’t even hurt anymore—” Keith stopped short as he realized what he’d said. His leg didn’t hurt anymore, which was not a good sign. “Oh, shit.”

“Allura and Coran are here,” Hunk said, after hearing the faint landing of the castle outside the blue lion, but nobody moved to get up. “We need to get Lance into a pod, like right now, but without knowing what’s wrong we can’t just pick him up or else we might—”

“We have to help him now!” Keith’s anger found its way to the cluster of fuzzy emotions floating around in his head. When nobody responded he only got more agitated. “Why aren't you doing anything? We have to save Lance!” How Keith stood up was beyond what anyone could explain, but the minute he took a step, his world went dark and his mind went blank save for one thought: _It’s all my fault._

Shiro barely managed to catch him before he hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first things first I am so sorry for the cliffhangers (okay, maybe not that sorry because they are so fun to write). Second, this fic is officially over 10K words?! How??? This is officially the longest thing I've ever written, so that's exciting! I also (definitely) did not edit this chapter before posting it so... here's to hoping my sleep-deprived brain and fingers did a decent job.
> 
> In other news, let me know what y'all think of the new chapter! 
> 
> If any of you wanna talk, you can find me on tumblr at midnightruse.tumblr.com <3 
> 
> -Sky


	5. Life and Death

 

_This is why nobody can get close._

_Everyone leaves or gets hurt._

_What else can you expect from a monster?_

_But…what if… things could change..._

 

* * *

 

 

Cold air flooded Keith’s lungs as the glass of the cryopod slid back. He gasped for breath, but each inhale seemed to bring less and less oxygen to his body. _I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe?_ His brain seemed to be struggling to catch up with his body, but his body seemed to be in full-blown panic mode. He knew something had happened—but what? He stumbled forward, not remembering that the pods were elevated. When his foot descended into the open air, his eyes shot open in a panicked frenzy. 

Before he could fall, strong arms grabbed hold of his shoulders and kept him upright. Keith looked up to find Shiro looking at him with a mix of relief and concern. “Keith, how are you feeling?”

Keith tried to take a deep breath to steady his breathing, but his heart was racing and his thoughts were a jumbled mess. Shiro’s grip on Keith tightened when the boy didn’t answer, but all he received was Keith furiously shaking his head as he drew in short, tight breaths.

“Shiro—I—I can’t—I can’t breathe—what’s going on—where am—where’s—OH GOD—WHERE’S LANCE!” His panic only rose as images flooded his mind. Keith closed his eyes and bit down on his lip to drive them away, but he couldn’t stop seeing Lance lying there, covered in blood, not moving, not talking. He felt a wave of nausea hit him, and he felt his legs giving out. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. Everything was Lance and the guilt and the fear.

“KEITH! Keith, you’re okay, hey listen to me. Keith!” Shiro could tell Keith was struggling to stand so he carefully pulled Keith to the ground so that they were both on their knees. Keith still had his eyes closed but when he felt Shiro’s hands on his face, he opened them in an attempt to drive out the nightmare raging on in his head. “Keith, just focus on me, okay? Focus on my voice and my breathing. Can you do that?” 

“Shiro…” Keith’s voice came out broken and quiet. “I can’t do it. I can’t.”

“You can, Keith, I promise.” Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith and pulled him to his chest tightly. “Can you hear my heartbeat?” Keith was shaking, and his breaths were still coming out way too sharply, but he managed a weak nod. “Good, now just listen to that, okay? You are safe now, Keith. I’ve got you.”

Keith tuned out the feelings and memories that were trying to choke him. The steady rhythm of Shiro’s heartbeat was easy to focus on once he blocked everything else out. It took a few minutes, but soon he was able to match his breathing. He was still trembling when he finally spoke again, mumbling into Shiro’s shirt. “Is he okay?”

Shiro kept one arm steady around Keith and brought his other hand up to stroke Keith’s hair. It was a little-known fact since Keith had a strict no-touch policy with most everybody, but Shiro had learned through the years that the younger boy calmed down easier when his hair was gently played with. “He’s still in a pod, but he’s alive.” Keith stiffened at Shiro’s words, but he kept his breathing steady so he didn’t spiral into another panic attack.

“Is he okay though?” Keith said, voice choked with repressed emotions.

“He was pretty bad when we got to you guys, but we were lucky that Allura and Coran were able to land right outside the blue lion.” Shiro hesitated before continuing. “Lance… he had a few broken ribs and was bleeding internally. Judging from the destruction in his lion, his paladin armor protected him from a lot, and it could have been way worse, but even so, he had multiple serious open wounds and several broken bones throughout his body.” With every word, Keith shook more, but Shiro knew it was better for this all to come from him. Keith would figure out one way or another, even if they tried to hide the full extent of Lance's injuries.

“After the initial scan, we found that he had also hit his head at some point. So, he had a pretty bad concussion. And… Keith, there’s no pretty way to put this. For a few seconds when we were carrying him out of his lion, his heart stopped.” Keith’s sharp intake of breath was expected, but Shiro wished more than anything that he could protect Keith from the anguish he knew was exploding inside the boy. “Keith, he’s going to be okay. We got his heart going again right away; his body had just gone into shock. We put him into a pod as quick as we could. It’ll just take a little longer for him to finish healing with that many different injuries, but he will be back to normal before you know it.” Keith was quiet for several moments, but when he finally spoke his broken voice made Shiro’s heart sink.

“It should have been me.” 

“Keith—”

“Stop, Shiro, you know it’s true. I was the one who was supposed to take that hit, not him! If I hadn’t told him, if I hadn’t made such a big deal about thinking I was going to freaking die, Lance would be okay.” Keith clenched the fabric of Shiro’s shirt tightly in his fists.

“It’s not—” Keith cut Shiro off again, pushing himself away from his mentor and snapping his eyes up to meet Shiro’s. 

“What? It’s not my fault? You seriously can’t believe that. Lance only got hurt because of me. I was the one who was supposed to take the hit—I messed up and I should have had to live with the consequences...or died with them.” Keith’s volume continued to rise as he stood up, pulling at his hair in anger. “Shit, Shiro, he died. LANCE FUCKING DIED and it’s all my fault. I should be the one who is still in a pod. Hell, I should probably be dead on some deserted planet, because that’s what I deserve. I was selfish and didn’t want to die alone and scared, and because of that Lance got hurt. Because of me, he almost didn’t make it back.” Shiro quietly stood, wanting to intervene, but Keith’s piercing glare was enough of a hint to not step in yet. 

“God, you know, I’ve been through so much shit in my life, and never once have I been so damned scared of dying. Give me all the abusive homes and bullies at school and the Garrison and the desert and even you disappearing—sure, back then I didn’t _want_ to die and somehow I didn’t, but never did I feel as weak as I did when I was alone in space, surrounded by Galra ships, knowing that the blast coming my way was going to signal the end. That because I messed up, you guys were going to be down a pilot and have to fix Red and find a new paladin and for what? For my sorry ass? Please.

“But... Lance? Lance is good. He has a family back home. Lance is kind and funny and charming and infuriating but so damn _good_. Shit, he is everything that I could never be and he's always putting others first. He is the one thing that has kept this ship together and _he_ is the one who had to suffer. He is the one who had to die. Because of me.”

“Keith, he’s not dead!”

“But he was! And he would still be if you guys hadn’t shown up to save him when you did. I couldn’t even help him! All I could do was sit there and wallow in my own self-misery while he bled out on the god damned floor.” Keith practically growled. Shiro didn’t fail to notice the unshed tears gathering in Keith’s eyes.

“Listen to me, Keith. It’s not all your fault. And you did what you could to help him. You pulled him out from where he was being crushed, didn’t you? And you let us know where you guys were. If you hadn’t flipped your signal back on, who knows what would have happened to Lance, or to you!”

Keith let out a laugh, but there was no humor in his voice. “I would have been fine.”

Shiro stared at Keith, stunned that Keith honestly believed that. “Keith, you were in the pod for five days!” Shiro yelled, his calm and collected demeanor finally shattered. “You think you would have been fine? Do you even want to know the shape you were in when we got you in a pod?” 

Keith stopped pacing and dropped his eyes to the floor guiltily. He hadn’t been on the receiving end of Shiro’s anger more than a handful of times, and it was not somewhere he liked to be. “Not really…”

“Too bad, because I’m telling you anyway. Lance might have taken the direct hit from that beam, but your lion caught the residual energy. You crashed onto the planet only a few seconds after Lance did. You shattered your ankle between the crash and walking on it afterward, your ribs were bruised badly enough that your lungs were being constricted, and you had a skull fracture that would have been lethal if the blood loss from your leg didn’t kill you first. The shrapnel stuck in your leg tore through just about everything, but it was the only thing keeping you from bleeding out within minutes since it was still stuck in there.

“Then you were unconscious for what, ten, fifteen minutes? You got up, dragged yourself to Lance’s lion, tore through the wreckage, pulled Lance from a pile of beams and panels, and then managed to radio us. When we got there, you were half-delirious and bleeding everywhere, but you were insistent that we treat Lance first. You probably would have tried to take him to the castle yourself if you hadn’t collapsed. So, no, you would not have been fine, Keith.” Shiro stopped, breathless from yelling. He felt a flash of guilt when he saw the look on Keith’s face, but it all needed to be said.

Keith took a shaky breath, unsure what to say next. It was still his fault, no matter how Shiro put it. Sure he had been in a pod for five days… but Lance had actually died, and if the team hadn’t gotten to him when they did, Keith would have been helpless to bring Lance back. He could take as many hits and crash into as many planets as the universe wanted him to, but Lance? He didn’t deserve it, especially to save Keith, of all people.

Keith was saved from responding by the all-too-familiar _hiss_ of a cryopod opening across the room. Somehow, in his panic-turned-anger, Keith hadn’t put together the fact that he was still in the med bay, meaning that Lance was also there, still in his pod. While his brain played catch-up with reality, Keith found himself sprinting over to catch the Cuban boy before he fell out of the pod.

His shaking hands gripped cold shoulders while his desperate eyes searched the still face in front of him. Keith didn’t dare to breathe.

Finally, the blue eyes that Keith feared he would never see again cracked open. Lance let out a quiet, breathless laugh. “Looks like we are having another bonding moment.”

“Lance… you’re alive…” The fear, tension, and everything else he’d been trying to keep inside broke as Keith pulled Lance close, as if the blue paladin would disappear any second. He didn’t feel the tears on his cheeks that matched the ones falling slowly from the other boy’s eyes. All he could feel was Lance’s heart beating loudly in his chest, Lance’s breath in his hair, Lance’s hands clenching Keith just as tightly as Keith was holding him, Lance being alive in his arms, Lance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, chapter five!! And less of a cliffhanger than like... every chapter before this? 
> 
> I had at least seven different ideas for this chapter, and then this just happened and I rolled with it and it seems to have worked way better than I thought it would (at least I think so?). 
> 
> Please forgive any major flaws due to the caffeine-induced writing frenzy that seems to precede every chapter of this fic. I'm hoping to get chapter six up in the next few days... but we will see what actually happens since Life keeps happening. 
> 
> I hope you liked the new chapter <3 And to everyone who has commented/given kudos, just like, thank you so much? you are amazing? and like, wow? people are reading this? what?
> 
> Anywangle, Skylar out! Until next time, space nerds.


	6. Confessions

_This can't be real._

_There's no way that this can happen._

_I don't deserve happiness._

_Is it wrong to be selfish this time?_

 

* * *

 

 

“Hurry up, they’re both awake!” Pidge’s voice could be heard before the doors even opened. Keith and Lance looked at each other, realizing that they were very, very close, and quickly separated before the rest of the gang filed into the med bay.

Hunk immediately started crying when he saw Lance, and the hug he gave almost knocked Lance over. Keith watched the scene play out, unable to stop thinking about _Lance_ , but was jolted back to the present when a small, green blurb latched their self to Keith with an angry yell.

“Don’t you _dare_ almost die ever again, or I’ll kill you.”

Keith couldn’t stop the small smile from reaching his mouth as he hugged Pidge back. “You do realize that would be a little counterproductive, right?”

“Shut up and let me enjoy this moment.”

  

The next few minutes were filled with hugs and more than a few teary smiles. Once everyone had finished their reunion, Allura addressed everyone as they stood around Lance and Keith.

“Lance and Keith, I’m so glad to see you have both finally recovered. It’s been a long few days, to say the least.” Hunk and Pidge both tried to hide their guilty blushes as Allura pointedly looked at them. “I’m sure you are both in need of some serious rest. Being in the cryopods for five days may sound rejuvenating, but it takes a great toll on the human body to repair that much…um…damage. Both of you should eat and then go straight to bed. Once you’ve slept, Coran would like to run some medical scans just to ensure everything healed correctly. We need you both back and ready to go as soon as you are able.” Allura smiled at the boys before adding, “it’s good to have you back, you had us all worried.”

“Awe, Allura, I never knew you cared about me so much!” Lance winked at Allura, which earned him a well-deserved eye roll and groan from everyone in the room. Hunk threw an arm around Lance’s shoulders and steered him toward the door.

“Come on, Casanova, let’s go get you some food goo." 

“Hunk, my man, you speak the words to my heart.” Before he walked out the door, Lance looked back at Keith. His words were as soft as the smile he wore on his face, “See ya later, Space Cowboy.” The door shut behind Lance and Hunk, separating them from the shocked silence that filled the room in their wake. Keith could feel everyone’s eyes on him so he looked at the floor instead and ran a hand through his hair.

Pidge wore a mischievous grin as they looked between Keith and the now-empty doorway. “I’ll be working on Green if anyone needs me. Glad you’re not dead, Keith!” They quickly walked out the door, mumbling something that sounded a lot like “Hunk owes me twenty bucks.”

Shiro could feel Keith’s anxiety without even looking at him. He closed the distance between him and Keith and placed a hand on Keith’s shoulder comfortingly. “Keith, do you want to talk about—”

“I’m going to go see Red.”

“Wait, Keith, you really should eat something and then rest.” Coran stepped forward, worry clearly drawn on his face. 

“I will. I just…I want to see Red first.” Keith looked up at Shiro and shrunk a little under his disapproving frown.

“You have to start taking care of yourself, Keith.”

“Shiro, Please.”

It was Allura who came to his rescue. “I don’t see why not. As long as you are quick about it and promise to eat and go to your room right after.” Shiro didn’t look convinced, but he let go of Keith’s arm. Keith took that as his cue to leave before anyone tried to stop him.

As the door slid shut behind him, Keith let out a small sigh before heading in the direction of Red’s hangar. He could feel the weariness of his body trying to convince him to give up and just go to bed, but he knew that the minute he laid down his mind would be restless.

 

When he finally reached the entrance to his lion’s hangar, Keith hesitated. He pulled on his hair with a hint of nervousness as he realized that he didn’t know what condition he could expect Red to be in. It had only been five days since he crashed her into the planet, and the team had probably been busy with both him and Lance in pods, so his lion could easily still be torn to pieces. He knew she wasn’t too badly damaged, since he could feel her buzzing in his head, but he also knew first-hand just how hard they had hit.

Keith took a deep breath as he put his hand to the door to open it. He hadn’t taken more than two steps before he was immediately flooded with images from Red. Keith felt the familiar pinprick of tears forming in his eyes as he laughed with relief. “I missed you too, girl.” Keith walked slowly as he looked over his lion. It looked like critical repairs had been made, but there was still a lot to do before his lion would be back to normal. _At least this will give me something to do while I’m supposed to be “resting.”_

Red dropped the particle barrier and rested her head on the ground so that Keith could climb in. As soon as he was safely inside her, Red snapped her jaw shut and the barrier went back up.

**_Mine._ **

Keith laughed, running his gloved hand across Red’s interior as he walked. He made a mental checklist of everything that he would need to fix later; right now he just needed to be with his lion.

When they had first bonded, Keith would have never guessed just how strong their connection was going to become, but now the two were inseparable. Everyone thought that Lance and Blue were the closest, but Keith and Red had a special, unspoken bond that most red paladins never reached. Maybe it was Keith’s instinctual thinking, natural skills, or hot-headed nature that Red loved. Or, perhaps, it was that Keith needed Red just as much as she needed him. Everybody assumes that fire will continue to burn no matter what happens, but even the brightest and hottest of flames will die out if left alone for long enough.

Keith grimaced when he saw the state of Red's cockpit. He hadn’t really noticed the full extent of the damage when he had been trying to get out to find Blue, but the crash had done a number on it all. “I’m sorry, Red. Looks like I messed you up too.”

Red growled, but it wasn’t in anger. **_It’s okay, little one._**

Keith shook his head as he sat down in his chair. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his crossed arms. “That’s what everyone keeps saying, but it isn’t all okay. We almost lost Lance forever because of me…how is that okay?”

**_I almost lost you, too._** Keith held his breath as he felt Red’s emotions of that day wash over him. He felt her pain and her fear when she initially lost power and when they took the hit that sent them crashing to the ground. Her frustration and helplessness when she couldn’t protect him or move out of the way. Her panic when Keith left to help Lance. Her relief when the other lions showed up to rescue them. Keith felt a hot tear sliding down his cheek, the manifest of Red’s emotions.

“I don’t know what to do.” Red purred in response. It was here, inside his lion that Keith felt safe and home. Here he didn’t have to pretend to be anything he wasn’t; at first he’d tried to, like he did with everyone else, but Red saw through his mask. As a result, Keith found someone to completely confide in and trust for the first time in his life. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Shiro and the rest of Team Voltron, but opening up was hard and explaining himself was even harder. Red understood everything without Keith even having to think of the words.

Keith was lost and confused and, honestly, a little scared. He tried to pinpoint where exactly it all was coming from, but Red filled in the blank for him. The image was from Keith’s own memory—a soft and warm smile, brown hair, shades of blue.

“So what? Yeah, that’s Lance.” Red was silently amused, watching as her paladin mulled over the thoughts flying through his mind and out his mouth. “I was just worried because he’s a part of this team!” Keith felt Red’s laughter and he blushed. “Okay, maybe he’s my friend. That’s a normal thing, Red, for someone to be scared for their friend since said friend sacrificed himself for me.” 

Red chose then to show Keith something he had completely forgotten from when he was unconscious. His dream that he was back in the desert with the team. Lance standing right next to him. His insides melting as his lips met Lance’s, and the dizzying high that followed that first kiss. The feeling of Lance’s body beneath his fingers.

The memory faded, but Keith put a finger to his lips as if to savor the feeling. He froze as he realized what he was doing, and his blush deepened, which only made Red laugh more. It wasn’t often that her paladin was so flustered.

“That didn’t actually happen and it never will! That’s Lance. The same guy who hates my guts and pretends to be my rival? Besides, I don’t even think of Lance that way.” His words sounded fake to his own ears. But he didn’t allow himself to ever get attached enough to have a relationship with anyone like that. Romantic feelings just made everything more difficult, not to mention how much more painful it would be when that person would leave him like everyone else did. He was better off alone, that way nobody could get hurt.

He thought back to the last few days. The small touches between the two. The smile that brightened the room and took his breath away. Eyes that looked at him like nobody had ever looked before. That voice that sounded so small and scared in space at the end of their last mission. The unspoken words between them as he held him in his arms only moments before. His own desperation and anger at that boy putting himself in danger. His chest feeling ten times lighter the minute that pod opened up and those starlit eyes finally opened again. 

“Holy shit. I like Lance.” Keith felt Red purr.

**_It’s about time you figured that out._ **

“What do you mean ‘it’s about time?’”

**_You two have been pining over each other for weeks, but neither of you will admit it to yourselves._ **

“Um…I don’t know what kind of things Blue’s been telling you, but there’s no way Lance feels the same way. Besides, why would he? He could have anyone, so there’s no way he would pick me, of all people.”

Red laughed again. **_Why don’t you ask him yourself?_**

“Wait, what?!” Keith shifted in his seat as Red lowered her head. He flipped on a screen that showed the outside of his lion and immediately wished he hadn’t. None other than Lance-freaking-McClain himself was walking toward the space where the particle barrier no longer stood and to Red’s open jaw. Keith groaned and pulled his knees back up to his chest, hoping that he would maybe disappear if he made himself small enough. “Traitor," he hissed to Red, much to her amusement.

“Uh…Keith? Are you in here?” Lance’s voice echoed as he made his way into the red lion. Keith didn’t answer and stayed silent when he heard Lance enter the cockpit. Lance hesitated when he saw dark hair peeking out the side of the red chair.

“Hey, sorry to bother you. Shiro said you might still be in here and we all knew you hadn’t eaten yet, and knowing you, you probably wouldn’t have eaten until later, so I brought you some food, but if you don’t want it I can just leave it here and…yeah. Sorry I came in without asking, Red just opened up so I took that as a sign that she wouldn’t try to turn me into a flaming Lance-kabob if I came in here. And you’re still not talking so I’m guessing you just want to be alone and now that I’m here I realize that’s probably why you came here in the first place so I’ll just go.” Lance turned to leave.

“Don’t go.” Keith turned around to face Lance, but he kept his eyes focused on his hands. “I, um, I appreciate you bringing me food…and you’re right, I did come up here to be alone, but…I wouldn’t mind if you stayed.” Keith slowly looked up and saw Lance looking at him with shock clearly written on his face. “I mean, you don’t have to! You can do whatever you want, I just thought maybe you—”

“I’d love to.” Lance smiled and Keith felt his face heat up. Lance walked over to Keith and handed him a bowl before sitting down with his own bowl, leaning carefully against the control panel. He stretched his long legs out and closed his eyes with a small smile. “Red looks pretty good, all things considered. I haven’t been to see Blue yet…” Lance laughed as he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m a little nervous to see her after…everything. I was unconscious for the whole thing, but I’ve heard enough to know that it wasn’t a pretty sight.”

Keith tried to stifle a wince at Lance’s words. He dropped his eyes back down to the bowl of green goo that sat next to him. “I’m sorry.” His words were barely a whisper.

Lance looked at Keith with a frown. “Sorry for what?” 

“For everything. For being stupid during the mission and getting myself into that mess. For you taking that hit instead of me. For not being able to do more. For being an asshole in general.”

“Wait, why are you sorry?” Lance put his own forgotten food on the ground beside him. “Keith, I made that decision. I shouldn’t have let you get dragged into that mess alone in the first place. We were supposed to have each other’s backs, and I messed up. I had to try and help any way I could, even if that meant pushing you out of the way…even though you ended up just as hurt as I did, in the end. You have nothing to be sorry for. And you’re not an asshole, you’re just you.”

Keith finally looked at Lance with an incredulous look. “How can you say that? Lance, you got hurt because of me. Blue got taken down because of me. Hell, you _died_ because of me, and if Allura hadn’t gotten the castle on that planet when she did, you would still be dead!” Keith angrily stood up and turned to face the other wall, away from Lance. He didn’t want to keep talking, but the words were clawing their way up his throat and out of his mouth before he could even stop them. “It was all my fault and then I couldn’t even help you. All I could do is sit there and watch you die because I was too weak to do anything else.”

“Keith, that’s not true!” Lance had stood up too. He crossed his arms and scowled, waiting for the red paladin to turn around. His tone must have done the trick because Keith whipped around to face Lance with a glare fixed on his face.

“Yes, it is! Dammit, Lance, did you even hear what I said? You were _dead_. Because _you_ had to save _me_. You would still be dead if it was not for everyone else. Because I couldn’t save you.” Keith felt the betraying tears starting back up, but he held them back. He would not cry, not again. God, he was pathetic. “If you died, Team Voltron would be over. You are the most important person to everyone here, and if you were gone there is no way they would be able to pick up the pieces and start over again.”

Lance’s mouth opened in shock at Keith’s words. Not only had he never really heard Keith talk this much, but his words were so angry and emotional and _wrong_. How could Keith not realize that he was important, too? 

“I was ready to die. Yeah, I was scared, but that’s my issue. But then you were there and you pushed me out of the way and all I could think about was the fact that you were going to die because of me and never have I hated myself more than I did right then. Voltron is nothing without you, Lance! How can you not see that? You were going to give up everything to protect me, but why? I’m the one always causing fights and ruining Allura’s visions of peace and messing things up for everyone—hell, I’m part Galra, do I even need to say anything else?”

Keith zeroed in on Lance, looking him dead in the eye. “I’m a monster, Lance. But you? You’re not. You’re good and you should _never_ put yourself in danger because of me. Do you think that I could live with myself if you had stayed dead? Dammit, Lance!” Keith’s voice broke, and for what felt like the millionth time that day he felt traitorous, hot tears making their way down his cheeks. “I could never live in a world where you did not exist; never mind if the reason for your death was me. I would rather have never been born. I deserve to die, Lance!” Keith screamed. His lip trembled and he couldn’t make the tears stop pouring. He screwed his eyes shut to avoid seeing Lance. He couldn’t bear seeing Lance’s reaction. _I should have died. I deserve to die. I was supposed to die._

Lance’s body crashed into Keith’s, long arms wrapping around the shaking boy and pulling him close. Keith stiffened but Lance held onto him tightly. “Don’t ever say that again.” Lance’s voice trembled with anger. “Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I felt the same way? That I couldn’t let you die? That maybe I thought that I could finally be useful and I could be the hero; I could save you and do something right for once. Keith, I—I care about you. More than I should and more than I ever thought I could, but I do. In that moment, I realized that if you were going to die, I would rather die trying to save you than do nothing, because I couldn’t have come back to this castle without you. I would rather still be on that planet, all alone if it meant that you got to come back alive. You might think that you weren’t worth it, but, Keith—to me you are worth so much more.” 

Keith pushed Lance away so that he could look at the other boy. Lance dropped his arms to his side but didn’t lower his gaze. Lance was looking at Keith with a fire that Keith had never dreamed of seeing directed at him.

Lance was crying too now, and Keith was brushing Lance’s tears away before he even realized what he was doing.

“Can I kiss you?” 

Lance looked at Keith in shock. “What?”

Keith blushed but repeated himself as he brushed away another of Lance’s tears. “Can I kiss you?”

Lance let out a breathy “yeah” and then Keith’s lips met his and everything felt like it was on fire. Nothing mattered except for the need for more contact, more kissing, and gasping for breath when lungs threatened to burst. Keith pushed Lance into his chair, straddling his long legs and deepening the kiss. He ran the tip of his tongue across Lance’s bottom lip, and Lance moaned beneath him. Lance’s hands tangled in Keith’s long hair while Keith ran his hands down Lance’s chest, feeling the strong muscles tensing behind the thin fabric of Lance’s shirt.

Lance broke off the kiss with a smile and cupped Keith’s face in his hands. Keith was smiling too, more happily than Lance had ever seen. Lance was being undone by the boy with violet eyes sitting on his lap like he was meant to fit there. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

Keith’s face turned red, but his grin only widened. He grabbed Lance’s shirt and pulled him back in close. “Shut up and let me kiss you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Space Nerds Roll Out™!!
> 
> As promised, here is chapter six! Red talking to Keith gives me life, and I know that Red and Blue are secretly making fun of their children by the end of the chapter. Aannndddddd we finally got some fluff in here (it's about damn time). I don't count the dream as much, because it didn't ~actually~ happen. I didn't think it was possible, but with every word, I grow to love Klance more and more and more. 
> 
> I'm not really sure what is going to happen next, but it should be interesting. More fluff and more angst for sure, so brace yourselves. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that people actually like reading this, but I am seriously so excited and thankful for all of your comments and kudos. You guys are amazing <3 
> 
> See ya next time Space Nerds!
> 
>  
> 
> (HUGE shoutout to SimplyEssa for encouraging and assisting in the trademarking of Space Nerds. You should also check out their fic "Guess Who's Back?" because it is amazing and yep so good so good you won't regret it)


	7. Out In The Open

_He’d always been alone, that’s how things just were._

_That was the way it was supposed to be._

_But now **he’s**  here._

_Would this be enough to save him?_

 

* * *

 

Eventually, Red got tired of the two paladins making out rather aggressively in her cockpit. She growled loudly, and Keith placed a kiss to Lance’s smile before he pushed himself off Lance’s lap. “Okay, okay, we get it, Red.” Keith was grinning when he grabbed Lance’s hands and pulled him up out of the chair. Lance was holding in a laugh that did not escape Red’s attention.

 _ **I’m glad that you are happy, but please leave your human mating rituals for when you are outside**._  Keith let out a strangled laugh and pulled Lance by hand out of Red.

“Do I even want to know?”

“She, um, just said congrats?”

Lance laughed at Keith’s answer but didn’t push it. He could hardly imagine what Blue would have said to him, never mind what Red probably told Keith.

Keith was still leading the way and holding Lance’s hand when they left Red’s hangar and started making their way back to the kitchen. They hadn’t really touched their food when they were sitting in Red, and after being in the pods for so long both boys were starving. Keith could feel Lance’s eyes on him a step behind and he allowed a small smile to reach his face. He had never held anyone’s hand before, and he had expected it to feel awkward and forced; this was the exact opposite. Lance’s hand was warm and wrapped around his perfectly. It felt safe, like a tether keeping him from disappearing into the vast empty darkness of space that surrounded him.

A tug on his hand brought him back from his thoughts. They had reached the door to the kitchen and Lance had stopped walking. The smile on his face made Keith’s breath catch in his chest. He found his voice after he remembered how to breathe. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“Because I’m still not convinced that this isn’t a dream that I’ll wake up from soon—OUCH!” Lance dropped Keith’s hand to rub his shoulder dramatically. “Why’d you punch me?!”

Keith smirked. “To prove this isn’t a dream.” He put his hands on Lance’s shoulders to pull himself up to gaze into sparkling blue eyes before dropping a quick kiss on pouting lips. Lance’s eyes went wide and he was speechless. Keith took the moment to throw a hand on the scanner to open the door. He stepped into the doorway, stopped, turned back to Lance and  _winked_  before walking the rest of the way into the kitchen.

For all the flirting he did, Lance didn’t do well with others actually flirting back. He stood outside the open doorway with his mouth wide open, staring at Keith. ErrorCode:Lance failed to notice that the rest of the team was sitting around the table watching him with mixed confusion and amusement. It took the door automatically sliding shut in his face to snap him out of his trance.  _Holy crow, did Keith just WINK?!_  

Lance scrambled for the scanner and the door slid back open. Keith was sitting in a chair next to Shiro facing the door, and he met Lance’s flustered expression with an all-too-innocent look. Lance angrily pointed at Keith. “You cannot just—what makes you think that—and then just—everyone else—sitting there acting innocent—I can’t even.” Once it appeared that Lance was done stumbling over his words, everyone in the room, Keith included, burst into laughter.

After groaning and throwing his hands up in the air, Lance stomped over to fill up a plate. He dropped one in front of Keith before plopping down in the chair across from him, which silenced everyone again. Keith looked between the plate and Lance several times before mumbling a small “thanks” with an even smaller smile on his face. Instead of responding, Lance stuffed his face with goo, bouncing his knee to fill the awkward lapse in conversation. 

 

“Sooooo…did you guys finally kiss?”

All eyes flew to Pidge as Lance choked on his food. “Um, what?!” 

Pidge stared Lance down from across the table, their eyes daring him to keep talking. “Oh, you heard me.” Lance could only let out a small squeak in reply as he tried to collect himself. Shiro shot Pidge the most disapproving look he could manage given the fact he was holding back his own laughter. Next to him, Keith hadn’t so much as twitched.

“What?” Pidge put a hand on their chest in mock offense. “Oh, come on, like everybody else wasn’t thinking it. We totally crashed your post-we-almost-died-for-each-other Bonding Moment™ and how else are you going to explain the fact that Keith rendered you, Mr. I Can Flirt With Anything That Breathes, speechless two minutes ago.” The shit-eating grin on Pidge’s face would forever haunt Lance’s nightmares. The soft words spoken next would fuel his dreams. 

“I kissed him.” Keith didn’t bother suppressing the soft smile that followed his confession.

“No fucking way.”

“Pidge! Language!”

“Sorry, Shiro.” Pidge loudly slammed their hands on the table as they stood up. “Correction: No quiznaking way.” Shiro groaned, knowing that arguing with Pidge was a pointless fight right now.

“Wait,” Hunk looked between a still shell-shocked Lance and a blushing Keith. “You guys actually kissed. Like, on the mouth. And  _Keith_  initiated it. Dang, Galra Keith has game.” Hunk put a hand on Lance’s shoulder and shook his head sadly. “I bet on you, my best friend, and you let me down?” This seemed to be enough to shake Lance out of his trance. 

“You WHAT?”

“Looks like the cat’s out of the bag. Or should I say, the lion’s out of the hangar.” Pidge snorted and held an open hand out in Hunk’s direction as they sat back down in their seat. “You owe me some serious cash… or whatever alien currency they use out here.” Shiro looked like he was about to jump in and lecture the paladins for placing bets on each other, but Allura jumped up with a laugh.

“Ha! I win, Coran!” She turned to Coran, who was hanging his head in defeat.

“You guys too?” Shiro looked at Allura with disbelief and a hint of admiration.

“First off, Princess I am hurt. Second, you guys were placing bets? Since when? And why?!” Lance made a point to look at everyone except for a certain dark-haired boy across from him.

Pidge gave Lance the best  _isn’t it obvious_  face that they could make. “Seriously, Lance? You two have been pining over each other for forever; it didn’t really take any effort to figure it out. We finally got bored and decided to place bets. Hunk here was convinced that you were going to make the first move, but I’m more of an underdog person. Plus, Keith is impulsive as hell, so odds were that he would not even think about it and just go for it.” They shot a questioning look to the other end of the table. “Shiro wanted nothing to do with it—I know you were rooting for your brother all the same—but I had no clue Coran and Allura jumped in! You two have been holding out on me.”

They continued to argue with the others for a minute, but then a bubbling laugh escaped Keith, who was staring at Lance. The Cuban boy still had his mouth open in shock from learning that Team Voltron had known he had feelings for Keith. Keith tried to hold in the laughter, but Lance looked so offended and comical that he couldn’t. It didn’t help that he still had the adrenaline from their kiss giving him confidence and filling his veins with a feeling that he didn’t know existed anymore.

Keith gave up all pretenses of holding back his laughter, which drew everyone’s attention—especially Lance’s. He found his jaw dropping again at the sight of the beautiful boy in front of him. Lance had rarely seen Keith laugh like this, but he decided in that instant that Keith’s laughter was the most incredible thing he’d discovered in the universe.

“Uh, guys,” Hunk looked concerned as he stared at Keith. “I think we broke Keith.”

This only set Keith off to laugh more. He didn’t know what was so funny, but he just felt so light and carefree and…  _happy_. Wow, he felt happy; happier than he had felt in years. Everything felt right, like the planets in this galaxy had finally aligned and decided to give him the break that Earth had adamantly refused to give all his life.

He fought for his breath and opened his eyes, only to meet the starlit blues that he knew he would get lost in if he looked for too long. Maybe he wouldn’t mind drowning in them if it meant those eyes kept looking at him like that. “Nah, I think you’re fixing me.”

Lance’s eyes somehow widened even more as Keith’s words settled in. Keith stiffened as he realized what he had said, and he immediately dropped his gaze to his lap, his face turning bright red.

“Oh. My. God.” Pidge wheezed, breaking the moment and laughing so hard that they fell out of their chair and onto the ground, still laughing. Lance’s blush was starting to match Keith’s, and his heart felt like it could explode at any moment. Shiro and Allura shared a look that was so parent-ey that it would have made Pidge gag had they not been predisposed on the ground.

Keith decided now was a good time to leave before he slammed his own face into the table to prevent his mouth from ever opening again. “I’m going to bed.” He stood up, making a point to ignore the still rolling around Pidge. As he passed Lance, he hesitated before glancing over with a shy smile. “See ya.”

The door closed behind him. Pidge finally stopped laughing so that they could copy the whole situation to their memory for blackmailing purposes at a later time. Lance slowly turned away from the door to look at the now-empty chair in front of him. Hunk patted him on the back comfortingly as Lance groaned and dropped his head onto the table, his arms hanging limply at his side. “I’m so screwed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crow, this fic has gotten over 400 hits and I'm just in shock. Thank you all so much.
> 
> This chapter took so long to write because I realized that it is SO much harder to write fluffy/normal Klance then it is to write help-everyone-is-dying-and-bleeding-out-let's-confess-our-love Klance. I hate myself too, don't worry. 
> 
> In other news, I think I know where the story is going again now, so put on your seatbelts because it could be a wild ride. I'm sorry in advance. Hopefully I can get an update out before the weekend since my family is going camping for the fourth of July. If not, happy independence day to all of y'all in the U.S.!
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr @ midnightruse (I'm lonely and have no friends in this state SOS). I'd love to hear from you guys! 
> 
> Later Space Nerds™


	8. No Escape

_Can he still call it a dream if everything is true?_

_How much was real?_

_Things are getting complicated and messy but…_

_They also sort of feel like home._

 

* * *

 

 

He was so tired. He hadn’t been sleeping much before they had crashed, and then there was the added stress on his body from being in the healing pod for so long. It took a special type of exhaustion for him to go to sleep quickly—it had been that way all his life.

Keith was asleep the minute his head hit his pillow.

That’s when the nightmare started.

* * *

 

_“Keith, what are you doing? Get out of there!” That was Lance. Wait, why was Lance yelling? Keith realized a second too late as a Galra ship crashed into Red, throwing his head painfully against his chair. They were fighting a huge fleet and he and Lance had gotten separated…why did he have a bad feeling about this?_

_Keith fought for the controls but his stomach dropped as he realized that his lion was unresponsive. “Shit!” Keith slammed his hands onto the control panel, hoping to trigger a reaction from Red, but the only sounds in his head were the hammering of his heartbeat and the panicked voice of the boy he loved._

Wait, what?! _Why did he just think that? Sure, he had a tiny, super-secret crush on Lance, but he knew he just had to push it aside, along with everything else in his life that was too messy to deal with. When did his brain decide to replace those unrequited feelings with the word ‘love?’ That meant something way more, something that could never happen because there was no way in hell that Lance would ever like him more than a friend, and that was on his good days… right?_

_“Wait, Keith, I’m almost over there, there are just so many of them and they won’t—they won’t let me clear a path to you.” Keith felt his blood go cold. Where had he heard these words before? “Shit, hold on, Keith, I’ve got this, I can help you!” Keith’s hands were shaking, even as he curled them into fists. Why was he so scared? No, he wasn’t scared. He was terrified._

_“Wait, Lance, don’t come over here! I’ve got this.” Keith saw the looming Galra ship charging up for a blast that was going to shoot him out of the sky, but for some reason all he could think about was Lance._

_“NO! I’m going to make it! I can save you, Keith!”_

_Keith watched helplessly as Lance pushed through the last of the ships surrounding him, only to come barreling full-speed at Keith. “Lance, stop! What are you doing?! You’re going to die!”_

_Time froze as the blue lion came nose to nose with the red lion. Keith could see Lance’s lips move as the words came through his helmet. “I know. And it’s all your fault.”_

_“Lance? What are you talking about, just get out of here!”_

_Lance’s face twisted in anger. “This is all your fault, Keith! If you hadn’t screwed up we wouldn’t even be here, now would we.”_  
  
_“...Lance?” Keith could barely hear his own voice over the pounding of the blood in his ears._

_“I’m going to die, Keith,” Lance’s face shifted, dropping the anger for helplessness and fear. His voice shook and Keith could see the tears on his face. “It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt so much and it’s all because of you. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you.”_

_Familiar voices flooded through the comms._

**_“He’s right, you know.”_ **

**_“We shouldn’t have trusted you, Keith.”_ **

**_“You’re a monster, just like you always were.”_ **

**_“If you hadn’t been here, none of this would have happened.”_ **

_“ **Do you even know how many times you’ve lost control and almost gotten us killed?”**_

**_“Jesus, Keith, don’t you even have a heart?”_ **

**_“A Galra could never be the Red Paladin, what made you think you were any different?”_ **

_“ **You’re holding us back. I mean, come on, you got kicked out of the Garrison, for crying out loud.”**_

**_“It’s no wonder your parents left you.”_ **

**_“You killed Lance.”_ **

**_“It’s your fault.”_ **

_“_ **Why did you do it?”**  
  
**“It should have been you.”**

**_“We’d be better without you.”_ **

_“...Keith?” Lance’s voice silenced the others. “Why did you let me die?”_

_The beam fired, and Keith watched as Lance and the blue lion took the hit. He couldn’t even move. He saw and heard every second of Lance being ripped apart. Heard the screams. Blue roared as she shattered, pieces of blue and white scattering across the cosmos. Somehow Lance was still alive, but his helmet was gone and he was screaming, trying to breathe in the gasses that only burned through his lungs. His body stilled as his eyes landed on Keith’s. His gaze was hard and cruel. He choked out the words before his eyes rolled back in his head._

_“You killed me.”_

* * *

 

Keith woke up screaming. He jerked upright as he gasped for breath, ripping at his shirt desperately. His cheeks were wet and his hair was plastered to his face from sweat and tears.

The door flew open as someone came running at Keith. Hands gripped his shoulders tightly. Keith flinched, his eyes wild as he tried to push off his attacker. “Let go of me!” Keith’s voice was raw from screaming, but he ignored it as he kept yelling. The hands on him only held onto him tighter. “Get off me!”

“KEITH, IT’S ME! It wasn’t real, okay? I’m not going to hurt you!”

“I killed him! It’s my fault!” The panic in his voice rose even more, but Keith’s fight to throw off the person holding him was getting weaker and weaker. His body felt like lead. 

“You killed? ...Keith, I’m right here! It’s me, Lance, I’m okay!” Keith’s eyes finally focused and everything snapped into place. Lance was on the bed, sitting on Keith’s legs and holding onto his arms. Lance’s eyes were searching Keith’s face desperately. His face was pale and his heart beat erratically in his chest.

“Lance?” Keith looked so small and broken.

Lance let out a shaky breath in relief. “Yeah, it’s me. You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?” The smaller boy was trembling, and though he was finally back in the present, his mind still lingered on the dream.

“I watched you die again.”

“What?” Lance’s brow furrowed in concern and confusion.

“In my dream. I saw it again.” Keith’s eyes stared down blankly at a spot in the blankets. “Everything was the same, but then you stopped and…and everyone was there and… they told me how it was my fault and that I should have died and I shouldn’t be the Red Paladin and… and I watched you die in space and you…you told me I killed you.”

The room was silent. Then a hand gently gripped Keith’s chin, forcing him to look at the boy in front of him. Lance smiled softly and shook his head. “We’ve been over this. It’s not your fault. And I’m here now, alive. We both are. That’s what matters.” Keith’s lip quivered, and Lance felt a sharp pang in his chest to see it. Lance leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against Keith’s lips, if only to prevent them from shattering his soul. He pulled back with open eyes, watching as Keith seemed to be fighting something internally. Finally, the violet eyes opened back up to look at Lance.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Lance let out a small laugh. “I don’t mind. Besides, I can’t have someone else taking care of my boyfriend.”

Keith’s eyes widened, but the start of a smile sat on his lips. “Your boyfriend, huh?” 

Lance pulled his hands back, realizing what he had said. “I mean, if you don’t want—I didn’t mean to—it’s just that we—look we don’t have to—”

Keith’s mouth cut him off, drawing a small whine from Lance that sent a shiver down his spine. Keith pulled back, smiling brightly at the breathless and vulnerable boy. “I like that sound of that.” Lance visibly brightened at that, which made Keith chuckle. “Come here, let me cuddle with my boyfriend.”

Keith pulled Lance down onto the bed with him, curling into the comfort of Lance’s chest. After a moment of hesitation, Lance wrapped his arms around Keith, pulling him closer. He placed a tender kiss on Keith’s forehead as he closed his own eyes. “Get some sleep now. I’m here.” Keith grumbled something incoherently. He was already drifting off, Lance’s body giving him the security and safety that didn’t know he had been searching for, but desperately needed all the same.

One thought drifted through Keith’s mind as he melted into Lance’s soft embrace.

_I think I’m falling in love with this idiot._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates so close together? What is this? Okay, if I'm being honest, I wrote this the night after the last update because I couldn't stop thinking about these space dorks. I figured posting an update at 3 AM wasn't entirely necessary, so here we are. 
> 
> Your comments and kudos mean the world to me, holy crow. Thank you all so much <3 T_T <3
> 
> ALSO it is officially one month away from Lance's birthday, which means it is one month and three days away from my birthday, which means it is one month and seven days until season three drops. Everybody panic. 
> 
> Come yell with me on tumblr!! midnightruse, I'm lonely and think about Voltron way too much for it to be healthy. Join me Space Children. 
> 
> Hasta la later Space Nerds™


	9. Boys of Stardust and Fire

_He loved **him** and **he** loved him back._

_Is this what home feels like?_

_Who knew that he just needed to leave;_

_To leave Earth in order to find himself._

 

* * *

 

 

After that, Lance slept in Keith’s room every night. And every night went similarly to the first.

Most nights Keith would wake up from a nightmare, drenched in sweat and unable to catch his breath until he felt long arms pull him close with a kiss into his hair. Reassurance that they were alive. Other nights it would be Lance, whimpering and crying out into the night, and Keith would run his fingers through the brown hair and whisper quietly until the boy fell back asleep. Reassurance that they were not alone.

* * *

 “Do you ever think about what you would be doing right now if you were back on Earth?”

Keith turned his head to look at Lance, who was keeping his eyes fixed on the empty space filled with stars in front of them. The two had found the small observation deck while they were running around the castle and trying to hide from Coran to avoid being handed off another strange chore. The castleship had many tall windows to the outside, but this one was tucked up and away from everything else in what was like the rafters of the hall. They had to climb up to it, but because of its height and the fact that no one had ever noticed it before, nobody ever thought to look for them up there. It had quickly turned into the place where the two of them would go to think, to talk, or to simply _be._

“Honestly? Not really. Before Shiro and the Kerberos mission maybe I would have, but after that…” Keith hugged his knees to his chest and let out a shaky breath. “I wasn’t in a good place before we all found each other. And as sad as it sounds, being up here in the middle of freaking space has felt like more of a home than I’ve known probably my whole life.” Keith saw Lance’s small smile, but he knew that it was hiding something else below the surface. He wrapped an arm around his boyfriend and pulled him to his side. Lance curled up into Keith’s side and was quiet. 

“What do you think about, Lance?”

Lance laughed quietly. “I think about being on Earth a lot. Even if I was just at the Garrison having to listen to Iverson tell me how I can’t pilot. But mostly I think about my family. There are my aunts and uncles and cousins, too of course, but I miss my mom and my siblings the most. I don’t know, Keith, it’s like thinking of another life that isn’t my own. Before all this, before Voltron and defending the universe.” Lance pressed closer into Keith. “Before you.

“And I think about life now and try to piece it together with what happened before, and it just doesn’t seem to line up, you know? Like, sure, I figured there was other life out here, but I never even thought that there could be an intergalactic war that’s been raging on for tens of thousands of years or that I could ever possibly be chosen by some sentient robot-lion to pilot a freaking space Transformer.”

“Lance—” Keith tries to stop the boy, but Lance keeps talking like he didn’t hear Keith.

“And then I start thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t snuck out that night we found Shiro. Like would Blue have picked someone else to be her pilot? What if we hadn’t taken Blue off Earth that day? The Galra could have destroyed Earth by now! And even if Earth was still safe, what would have happened to all of us?

“And…and what about us, Keith? I’d still be crashing the simulator and you’d still be living in the desert and we wouldn’t have _this_. I wouldn’t ever have gotten the chance to learn that your hand fits into mine perfectly. Or that your awful mullet is actually, like, really soft? And that my favorite part of the day is the exact moment that I wake up in the morning and see you lying right next to me and I realize that this wasn’t a dream and that somehow you chose me, of all people. And I wouldn’t have any idea that you really like sweet things and that you are super cute and grumpy right when you wake up and that you’re actually really funny when people take the time to listen and that you probably secretly care about this team more than anyone else and that when we get back home after all this I want you to meet my mom because Keith, I know she’ll love you. I mean, that is, if you want to meet her, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable or anything and wow I guess that’s a stupid idea anyway and—”

A hand on his chin stopped Lance from talking any further. He looked up at Keith with a question already forming on his lips. Keith leaned down, kissing Lance gently.

“What was that for?”

Keith smiled softly. “For being you.” Keith kissed Lance again, his lips barely moving off of Lance’s as he kissed him again and again, as if to accent every point. “For being perfect. Mildly infuriating.” Keith laughed softly into Lance’s mouth. “Beautiful. Witty. Brilliant. Charming. Compassionate. The best cargo pilot I ever pretended to forget.” It was Lance’s turn to laugh. “Irreplaceable. Important. Yourself. Mine.” Keith deepened the kiss as he whispered the last word.

Keith opened his eyes to look at Lance, who was humming with contentment as he drowsily traced patterns with his fingers on Keith’s legs. Keith felt his breath catch in his chest when Lance looked back at him, smile wider than Keith had ever seen before. Lance was looking at Keith with such wonder and amazement, like Keith was not just some boy in space, but rather an entire unexplored galaxy full of endless possibilities.

Keith felt a pang in his chest, but he realized it was not painful. It felt like his heart was going to burst any moment if Lance looked at him like that for any longer. It felt like nothing Keith had ever felt before. He wanted to protect and savor this moment forever. In that instant, Keith knew he would do anything to keep Lance smiling, no matter the cost. He would burn the entire universe if it meant that his paladin would never feel sad or worthless or insecure ever again.

The words left his mouth before his brain even could catch up with his train of thought. 

“I love you.”

* * *

 

It was moments like these that they wished could last forever, when the boys of stardust and fire simply _were_. When Blue and Red would spend hours staring at the stars, playing with fingers and sharing more kisses and secrets than either knew they could give to another. They didn’t have to worry about defending the universe or fighting for their lives and hoping that they would get to live and see another day.

 

Weeks turned into months. Months turned into a year. The Paladins of Voltron and their Alliance were slowly pushing back the Galran Empire, freeing planets and galaxies from their control.

The bonds between them all grew and grew; the most profound was the connection between Lance and Keith. The two were inseparable. On the battlefield, they were a force to be feared. They grew stronger as individuals, but together they were unstoppable. Lance still dreamed of the day he would introduce his now fiancé to his mother. Keith finally found what he’d been looking for his whole life. He found home in Lance and a family in his team. They both looked forward to the day that they would finally be back on Earth, where Keith insisted they wait to be married.

They all fought hard battles and everyone had more scars than they could count. Pidge had a prosthetic leg that they had built and hardwired. Shiro still suffered from flashbacks to his time in the Arena. Hunk had a nasty scar stretching from his right shoulder to his left hip—a wound resulting from him stepping in the path of a Galra soldier attacking an alien child. Allura and Coran both lived in constant fear that they would fail to save other races from meeting the Alteans’ fate. Keith still had nightmares from the day Lance almost died for good and from several other close calls among the team, but Lance always knew what to say to calm him down and coax him back to sleep. Lance still missed his family on Earth, but he couldn’t really complain, not anymore. His family in space was pretty damn incredible.

 

Deep down, they all knew it was only a matter of time before these days of victories and successful rescues would come to an end. You didn’t live as the Defenders of the Universe for this long without knowing the risks involved. They all fought to prevent the inevitable. Each day was another day that their family was whole and together and safe.

 

The day they all dreaded came. Unannounced. Unexpectedly.

Nobody could have guessed what was going to happen.

Nobody was to blame.

Nobody could have prevented it.

But it happened all the same.

* * *

 

The castle’s alarm systems rang loudly in the quiet, early hours of the morning. Lance and Keith quickly got out of their bed and helped each other put on their paladin armor. They met everyone else in the control room for a quick debrief before separating to get in their lions. Keith and Lance shared a quick kiss in front of their lions, as had become the tradition between the two before every mission.

Nobody was ready for the attack that was heading their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am so sorry for the late update, but here it is nonetheless! 
> 
> This chapter was super hard to write, mostly because I had the last chapter planned and then the next one, but this was just an empty "thing" that needed to somehow happen. I'm actually pretty happy with how it worked out, so hopefully, you guys feel the same way.
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter will be a rough one. Things are going to go downhill, and fast. That's all I'm going to say. I'm sorry.


	10. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding new tags as I go, but things do get a little dark here, more so than they were in earlier chapters. It will probably get more intense too as I keep writing it. I will try my best to tag everything, but if there is anything that I miss, please let me know!

_Everything hurt._

_Where was he?_

_At least **he** was safe. _

_He had finally kept them all safe._

 

* * *

 

 

“We have to get him back!!” Lance screamed into his helmet, shooting at every Galra ship that made the mistake of crossing his path. Blue let out a low whine, echoing the turmoil raging in Lance’s head. Lance felt her reaching out for Red, but the smaller lion was unresponsive. The residual sparks of energy dancing through her body were the only signs of movement.

Lance looked at the empty space on his dashboard where his video feed was normally connected.

The warning lights flashing in his cockpit were the wrong shade of red.

He pushed down another wave of nausea.

“Shit! Hunk I need help over here!” Pidge yelled as another ship rammed into Green. “I’ve almost got a lock on the main fleet’s signal. If I can just get it uploaded to the castle, I can create a tracking program. That way, no matter where they go, we can at the very least figure out what system they are in… I think.”

“I’m gonna need better than ‘I think,’ Pidge,” Lance practically growled. 

“Lance, we’ll figure this out. We all want him back as much as you do, believe me.” Though Shiro spoke with his usual confidence, the team knew him well enough to note the tinges of fear lacing his words.

“I’ve got you covered, Pidge. How much longer?” Hunk used his lion as a shield, protecting Pidge from any ships that he and the rest of the team didn’t take down.

“I’ve almost got it,” Pidge mumbled and the sounds of them typing and hitting their equipment filtered through the comms.

Sudden static cut off any sounds from Pidge's lion. Everyone held their breath, hoping for a sign, for anything, but radio silence was the only noise that followed. Quick bursts of static sporadically came through their comms, and though they didn’t say it out loud, the paladins knew who’s helmet it was coming from.

The Galra ships had amped up their security, something the team learned when they had broken into a prison ship several days earlier. Halfway through the mission, all communication from outside the Galra ship was blocked from reaching those who were in it, and any signals were prevented from leaving the ship as well. Somehow the Galra had found a way to render the communicators in the paladin suits useless once they entered the enemy ships. Luckily, everyone made it out unscathed and they rescued several dozen civilians and rebels, but now their missions were going to get harder. They had all agreed that until they figured out a way around it, nobody was to enter any Galra ships. 

Nobody had entered willingly.

“Got it!” Pidge turned Green away from the mothership and back toward their rendezvous point where Allura was beginning to open a wormhole. Pidge let out a frustrated yell. “We have to get out of here, guys. There’s too many to take out on our own without…without forming Voltron.”

“We can’t leave him! We have to get in there and get him back!” Lance continued shooting down every ship he could see, but for every one that he took out, another would appear. His hands were shaking as they gripped his controls, and his breaths were coming out short and fast, but it wasn’t from his severely bruised ribs.

“You know Pidge is right, Lance! If we stay here, we are all going to be captured or killed, and then what use will we be to him?” Hunk spoke with urgency, but his voice was low and calm.

“Hunk,” Lance’s voice broke over the name. “Please, I can’t leave. I can’t leave him alone.”

“I know, buddy, but we have to leave—now. We need a plan, and nobody is in the shape to break through that security. Plus, we can’t even stay connected in there. We will find him, Lance, we just need time.” 

“Hunk is right, Lance.” Shiro sounded distressed and more than a little choked up. 

“Paladins,” Allura’s voice came through hesitantly. “Please return your lions to their hangars. We need to leave.”

Lance looked all around him, searching for the signal that would never come, the signal that _he_ was okay, that this was just a dream and he would wake up any minute now and run his fingers through soft, black hair and press a kiss to that perfect face and see those violet eyes, the color that had become his favorite shade in the universe.

“I’m bringing in the red lion,” Black gently grabbed onto Red, the smaller lion still dark and unmoving. She had deep divots carved into her sides from where _they_ had grabbed ahold of her body before sending wave after wave of the lightning-like druid energy through her.

“Lance…” Hunk sounded like he was holding back tears.

“I’m coming.”

Lance fired off a few more rounds as he cast one last look at the ship carrying away his everything. He pulled his trembling hands off the controls and let Blue take control. The wormhole had opened and Lance watched as Shiro made his way through with the red lion, quickly followed by Pidge. Hunk made sure Lance was following before he moved Yellow after the others.

As Blue reached the edge of the swirling energy, she let out a strangled roar of pain and anger to match the yell that tore its way out of Lance’s throat. He looked over his shoulder one last time before they left the Galra fleet to go wherever Allura had plotted their course. Lance’s eyes burned, but he refused to let any tears fall. He had to be strong. He had to get him back.

“I’ll find you, Keith. I promise. I’ll bring you home.”

* * *

 

 

_It hurts_

_It’s dark_

_I’m scared_

_Where am I_

_What happened_

_Where are they_

_It hurts_

_Where is he_

_Who did this_

_Where is he_

_I need him_

_It hurts_

_Please stop_

_Stop_

_Please_

_Make it stop_

_It hurts_

_It hurts_

_It hurts_

_It hurts_

_I need him_

_Please_

_Where is he_

_Where am I_

_Why does_

_Please_

_It hurts_

_It's so dark_

_I can't see_

_How long have I been here_

_Where is ‘here’_

_I need him_

_He can’t be here_

_Please don’t let him be here_

_Lance_

_I need Lance_

_No, Lance can’t be here_

_It hurts_

_It hurts_

_It hurts too much_

_Lance_

_I love you_

_Please_

_It hurts_

_Stop_

_It’s too much_

_Lance_

 

* * *

 

When he woke up, he was screaming. Nothing mattered except for the excruciating pain wracking his body without stopping. He didn’t know how long he had been screaming, but soon his throat was raw and no sound came out. What little he could make out with the dim lighting was worthless as his vision spun and faded in and out of its own accord. He couldn’t feel his body. All he could feel was the pain. After what felt like hours, his body finally shut down and he slid into blissful unconsciousness.

*

*

*

He could hear whispering around him, but he couldn’t make his body move even enough to open his eyes. It hurt to focus. He didn’t know what was happening or where he was. Had the pain always been with him? Where did the pain stop and where did he start. Were they the same? Who was he? He was distantly aware that he should be more concerned, but the thought disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. 

“Ahh, it looks like our little Red is finally waking up.” 

He knew that voice. That was the voice that brought the pain. A soft, involuntary whimper left his lips. The voice cackled. “Have you had enough fun yet? I don’t think that you have. Do you want some more?” The footsteps were loud and hurt his ears, and he instinctively curled into himself. Or, tried to. The instant he attempted to move, all feeling came flooding back into him. The pain slammed into him all at once, eliciting a scream that dragged along his raw throat like something sharp and jagged.

He heard more laughter. He forced his eyes to open a sliver when the footsteps stopped somewhere near his head. Glowing, yellow eyes stared down at him with sick, twisted glee. 

_Haggar._

The name slid out from his memory, and with it came the flood of his full consciousness. A red lion, a giant robot, hard-fought battles, tanned skin, laughter, a shack, the stars, blue eyes, his friends, his team, Voltron, _Lance. Oh, God, Lance._ Lance was blue and he was red, and their love was as bright and passionate as the galaxies that they protected. He was Keith. Keith. How could he forget his own name? How did he get here? The last battle…

 

* * *

_“Awe, come on, babe, I can totally take out more than you can.” Lance’s snarky voice didn’t quite match the loving look on his face that came through the video screen in Keith’s lion._

_“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” Keith tried not to laugh, dodging Galra fighters as he maneuvered Red around them, searching for a weak point._

_“Space Cowboy, I don't need anything extra to help me sleep at night. That's what I've got you for,” Lance winked._

_“Eww, can we please end this inappropriate MID-BATTLE conversation before it goes any further, because no freaking thank you.” Pidge gagged as they typed away at their display screens, working to hack into the Galra’s systems._

_“I’ve gotta side with Pidge on this one,” Hunk meekly laughed. “Sorry, Lance.”_

_“Hunk! You wound me. My own best friend. I’ve been abandoned. I cannot go on. Sorry Keith, the wedding is off. Let it be known that I was betrayed midst-battle by my best friend, my brother, and perished at his hand.”_

_Keith laughed, a sound that Lance would never get tired of hearing. It took months of working Keith out of his shell, but eventually, he opened up to them all. Before it took a miracle to get him to laugh. Now? He was happy and it was easy. Lance made it all make sense._

_Lance gasped dramatically. Somehow, even when they were surrounded by a horde of enemy ships, he found the time for his signature theatrics._

_Keith wouldn’t have it any other way._

_“You would laugh at my demise? Keith, how could you? And here I thought we had something special.”_

_Keith rolled his eyes as he tore through another ship. “Lance, you know I love you.”_

_“Damn straight you do!”_

_“There is absolutely nothing straight about either of you,” Pidge deadpanned, not even pausing from their typing._

_“That’s it, Pidge, Hunk, you are both uninvited from our wedding.”_

_“Does this mean the wedding is back on? I thought you had met your demise?” Keith teased._

_“It will take more than those two to keep me from loving you every day for the rest of my life. Not even Hunk’s betrayal or Pidge’s relentless roasting can keep me down. Sorry, but you are stuck with me forever!”_

_Keith smiled with a fondness in his eyes that was reserved only for Lance. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”_

_Lance and Hunk soon broke off and continued bantering, but Keith’s attention was drawn to the complicated battle unfolding in front of them. Something didn’t seem right. They were responding to a distress beacon on an abandoned planet, which was weird enough in itself, but what really had Keith tripped up was the formation of the Galra ships. They attacked the lions, but their attacks never were put together well and the paladins easily defeated every ship that came their way._

_Even so, they kept attacking over and over again, their supply of ships seeming to be inexhaustible. The main ship hung back, far enough away that none of the paladins could reach it without having to fight through all the ships between them. This was a new tactic of the Galra’s that they had seen a few times, but something about it all just didn’t sit right with Keith. The formation, the number of ships, the weak attacks… it almost seemed like this was just…_

_“IT’S A DIVERSION!” Keith yelled as he watched a new ship quickly approaching them at an uncomfortable speed. The team shouted back their understanding and shock as they put together the pieces like Keith had. As soon as they did, all hell broke loose._

_More ships came at them, and this time they fought with purpose. They were still relatively easy to take down, but they were more resilient and there were so many of them. Keith fought off his attackers the best he could while he watched the approaching ship. Now that it was closer, he could see that it had what looked like a giant grappling hook attached to the side._ Why would they need that if they have beams to suck ships in?

_Keith hissed in brief shock as the ship disappeared. He started to explain what he had seen to the team, but Red yelled out at him._

_**You need to get out of here!** _

_Before Keith could even react, the strange ship appeared directly in front of him. The long hook shot out faster than Keith could track. It soared over Red, but reeled back in to lodge the long spikes into the metal siding of the lion, preventing her from moving anywhere._

_“Keith! What’s going on?” Lance noticed that something else was wrong before anyone else did._

_“I don’t know! This ship is holding Red and I can’t get out of its grip.” Keith aggressively twisted the controls, but nothing changed. The ship holding onto them was strangely still._

**_Keith, it isn’t safe. Something is coming._ **

_“What do you mean?” Keith got his answer as dark lightning rushed toward Red from the enemy ship. He tried to pull them free one last time, but his efforts were stopped short as the energy shot through Red and into him. He bit back his yell of pain, but the coppery taste of blood filled his mouth. He tried to speak, but his vision started swimming and he felt nauseous._

_“Keith!! What is happening? Are you okay?”_

_Keith tried to answer Lance, knowing he needed reassurance before he did something stupid, but another surge of energy latched onto Red. This one lasted longer and felt twice as powerful. Keith couldn’t hide his yell this time. As soon as the volts of energy ended, another one fired. And another. And another. Dark energy (likely from a Druid, Keith realized) tore at his nerves. His body felt like it was on fire and he felt like he was going to pass out, but something kept him awake._

_“You’re going to make for an interesting subject, halfbreed.” The voice of the Druid who had evaded their grasp for over a year hissed through the communicators in all the paladin’s suits and in the castleship._

_“Haggar! Let him go!” As Allura yelled, all the Galra ships picked up their pace, all fighting the other paladins with greater vigor and preventing them from going to Keith’s aid._

_Haggar cackled. “I don’t think so. Say goodbye to your precious friends, paladin.”_

_Keith could only watch through half-lidded eyes as the witch released more energy into Red. He was only faintly aware that he was screaming. He was even less aware of his team’s yelling. The only voice he could distinctly pick out was Lance’s, but even his words were melding together._

_Red was offline and Keith could feel the sparks around him as the residual energy crackled around the cockpit. His head dropped to his chest. He couldn’t move._

_Footsteps rang loudly through his lion, but the sense of dread in his gut told him it wasn’t one of his teammates._

_Sharp nails dug into his cheek as a hand jerked his head up. Haggar’s yellow eyes glowed from under her hood. She looked at Keith for a moment, turning his head from side to side as if examining him. She drew closer to Keith, close enough that he could feel her breath on his face. “I am going to have fun breaking you.”_

_Haggar released his face and it dropped back down to his chest. It was getting hard to breathe. Keith could feel his body sinking into unconsciousness, but he tried to fight it. He had to escape, he couldn’t let them take Red, he had to protect Lance, he had to—_

_His half-delirious thoughts were cut off when he heard a crackling sound that could only mean one thing. He only had time to process one thought before Haggar pressed her hand to his chest, releasing her power into him directly._

_“I love you, Lance.”_

_*_

_*_

_*_

_He didn’t realize he managed to say it out loud. Lance heard him. Lance also heard what came next. He instantly knew the scream that ripped through Keith would haunt him the rest of his life._

_What was even worse was the silence that followed._

_With Keith finally unconscious and his heart barely beating, Haggar took him to her ship._

_The Galra ships kept coming, preventing the remaining paladins from trying to reclaim their comrade._

* * *

It had been three days. Three days since they lost him. Since Lance lost his other half. Three days since Keith was taken away by the Galra. Three long days with little sleep on the castleship as everyone fought to come up with a plan.

Lance still didn’t cry. He had to stay strong. For Keith.

He was going to save him. He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Space Nerds... I am sorry. But not really because you gotta love that Hurt™ stuff. I want to emphasize that this story could keep getting pretty dark, so if that's not your thing, you can just pretend everything ended the last chapter, pretend the alarms were a drill and that the Space Fiancés lived happily ever after without ever fighting another battle. To everyone still here... buckle up folks, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
> 
> If you notice any continuity errors, please let me know. I've been reading too many fics and seriously cannot remember what is canon, fanon, another author's universe, or my own story. In other words, my life is a mess, but what's new.


	11. When Nightmares Become Reality

_Physical pain used to be easy._

_It was his only constant for so long._

_He’d finally found a place without pain._

_He forgot how to block it out._

 

* * *

 

Time didn’t exist in the room. In the beginning, Keith had tried to keep track of how long he had been locked up, but after the tenth time (or was it eleventh?) that he passed out, he gave up. It could have been days or weeks, hell he could have been here months.

He really missed his team. He missed Lance.

 

It was always the same. Haggar would come into the room, flanked by several other druids. They would heal the worst of last session's wounds to keep him from actually dying, but usually, it was nothing more than preventing his broken ribs from puncturing his lungs or making sure he didn’t die from blood loss. Only once had Haggar made them heal him all the way. That was the worst because she made sure to leave even more damage on his body than she had left all the times before.

Once he was “healed,” then it was Haggar’s turn to inflict whatever torture was on her schedule for that session. First, she had just shot him with various levels of energy, trying to gauge how long his body could hold out before he collapsed. That’s when Keith’s Galra genes started to show themselves. Every time he would be shocked, he could hold out a little longer. His body was  _adapting_ , but that didn’t make it any less painful. If anything, Keith missed the first times when he had dropped into unconsciousness. At least it was quiet there.

Haggar quickly got tired of just pumping him full of her dark energy. That’s when she brought in various weapons, trying to break Keith physically from the pain. She had cut and healed him in more places than he could even keep track of. At this point, he was pretty sure his scar count was going to be rivaling Shiro’s when he made it out.  _If he made it out._  When Haggar was feeling particularly angry, she would chain Keith to the wall by his wrists and wait for gravity to do the hard work of making the blood slowly leave his body through one of the many gashes and holes she left on him. Once she had left Keith strung up for too long—when he finally passed out he hadn't been sure if he was going to wake up or not. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or not that he had woken up healed sometime later, lying in a pool of his own blood. 

Haggar was pleased to find that his body was starting to heal faster than a normal human should have. She credited his half-Galra DNA to the accelerated blood clotting and the way his body began to manipulate the Druids’ healing powers to focus where it wanted to be healed. The minor bouts of self-healing were just as painful as the injuries themselves.

After so long, Haggar grew bored of physical torture alone. Keith quickly decided he preferred being stabbed and having his bones crushed to having the Druid messing with his head.

At first, she just played with his memories, making Keith feel like he was home again, forcing him to relive his father’s abandonment, the abuse from the foster homes, the pain at never knowing his mother. She would give him his best memories—ones of Lance and of his team—only to rip them away and replace them with his greatest fears. It wasn’t until Haggar started changing his memories that it really started to affect Keith, though. 

Haggar noticed early on how strong his relationship with the blue paladin was. She figured that was the key to breaking the red paladin. She had been shocked and impressed with how he had held up with everything else. She had taken Keith to study him in the hopes that she could learn how to eliminate the other four paladins, as well as the damned princess and her advisor. Keith intrigued her though. No matter how hard she pushed, Keith refused to bend. Half the time he wouldn’t make a sound, no matter how much blood ran down his face or how many nightmares she sent into his head. Her orders had been to interrogate and to exterminate. But she had decided that the red paladin was too much fun to get rid of just yet. She would break him, and she believed she finally figured out how to do exactly that.

Keith was reliving the day he had asked Lance to marry him.

* * *

 

_“You know you love me.”_

_“Remind me why, again?” Lance’s smug expression dropped into a pout at Keith’s sarcastic tone._

_“Babe,” Lance whined as he piloted Blue to hang upside down over Red, causing both lions to laugh to each other. Keith ignored Lance, but he couldn’t ignore the smile on his face. He remembered a time when nobody could get him to smile, but now? Anytime he was around Lance he was smiling. That boy was like a freaking sun, how could he not smile?_

_“Come on, Keith!! You know I’m just dying to_ hang _out with you!” Keith snorted and rolled his eyes. This boy…_

_Keith touched a panel on his chair, opening the small cubby that held everything that was important in his lion. Keith liked to keep things with him on missions to remind him of everything that he had. It was something he had started after he had been stranded on a planet some months back with no contact with the team for several days. There were tons of photos—mostly taken by Lance—trinkets from various planets, a few books and a journal, and a little black box that he had stashed in there two months ago. He ran his fingers over the box as Red gave an encouraging rumble._

_Lance was still waiting for a response as he hung upside down. Keith pulled up the video stream between their lions. Lance’s face popped up on Red’s dashboard and he quirked an eyebrow at Keith. “Yeah, Space Cowboy?”_

_Keith grabbed the box and threw it up in the air a few times, smirking as Lance curiously followed the box with his eyes. Finally, Keith flipped the box open to reveal a metallic band that was a deep, deep blue. Lance’s own blue eyes widened in shock across the screen. “I know we are pretty much stuck in space together and all, but what do you say, Sharpshooter? Will you spend the rest of forever with me?”_

_Lance’s mouth opened in a small ‘oh’ and a tear rolled down his cheek. Keith’s heart stuttered as he started to second guess himself. Maybe it wasn’t the right moment, maybe Lance didn’t want it, maybe maybe maybe…_

_“Fuck yes!” Lance’s face broke out in a smile but he kept crying. “Yes, Keith, yes. Dios mío. Te amo Keith.” Keith felt his own cheeks wet with happy tears. Lance pressed his hand against the camera and Keith did the same. It was their way of being together when they were apart in their lions._

_“Te amo Lance.”_

_Keith laughed as the comms broke out in yelling, all from the team shouting in excitement. He should have known that Pidge would have hacked and broadcasted his video feed to the rest of the paladins back at the castle._

_“Wait!” Lance yelled, finally slipping out of his shock. “I was going to ask you! Dammit, Keith, why do you always have to one-up me?!”_

_Keith rolled his eyes and laughed. “I got the first kiss, and you asked me to be your boyfriend. That means it’s my turn, babe.” Keith shot a smile at Lance, but he stopped short as static ripped across the screen. “Lance?” The comms had gone quiet. “Say something. Lance!”_

_A scream broke the silence. Keith’s screen flickered back on to show Lance slumped in his chair with a blade through his chest. His eyes were glazed over with pain and he was gasping for breath. “LANCE!” Keith tried to make Red eject him so he could jetpack over to Lance, but his lion didn’t respond. Keith put his hand on the screen as he started to hyperventilate. “Lance, what happened? Lance? Lance stay with me!”_

_The blue paladin coughed as a trail of blood dripped out of his mouth and down his chin, falling onto the handle of the blade. “…you…”_

_“What? Lance hold on, please, Lance I’m going to help you, just hang in there, okay?”_

_Lance winced and let out a small noise that was laced in agony. He looked at Keith through the screen with betrayal in his eyes. “Why? Why did you do this?”_

_“What are you talking about Lance? I didn’t do anythi—” Keith felt sticky metal beneath his fingers. He looked down and saw his hands covered in blood, wrapped around his Galra blade. He let go and stepped back in shock, looking at his lover bleeding out in front of him with his own blade buried in his chest. “…Lance?”_

_“You…you killed me…Keith…Why did…I thought…loved me…” Lance’s head fell forward onto his chest and Keith watched as a steady stream of blood fell from his unmoving lips._

_Keith fell to his knees and grabbed Lance’s face. “NO! Lance, baby, no, stay with me no Lance come back to me Lance no I didn’t mean to Lance I Lance I love you don’t leave me please I’m sorry Lance!” Keith sobbed as he pressed a shaky, tear-soaked kiss to the Cuban boy’s forehead. He pressed his fingers to Lance’s neck but felt no movement. No pulse._

_Lance was dead._

_He killed Lance._

_He killed Lance._

* * *

 

Keith physically jerked out of the memory, pulling away from Haggar’s hands that had been on his face to finally break the connection. He distantly realized he was sobbing in reality, but he couldn’t even focus on that right now. He was still trying to convince himself that he hadn’t killed Lance. That Haggar had changed the memory. That after he proposed, he and Lance made it back to the castle and made out in Red’s hangar and had spent an amazing night together in their shared room. That the proposal was  _months_  ago, and Lance was fine.

Haggar reached toward Keith to drag a long, sharp nail across his face, drawing blood that mixed with the salty tears staining his cheeks. “Well, that was fun.” She pushed Keith’s face away as if in disgust before turning and walking out the door. She stopped in the doorframe to look back at the boy curled up in the corner of the barren cell. “I’m just getting started with you  _halfbreed._ ” She spat the last word as she slammed the door shut, leaving Keith alone.

Keith sat in the corner of his cell curled into as small of a ball as he could get. His knees were pulled to his chest and his head was tucked in as he tried to control the tremors wracking his body. He hadn’t felt this way since before he and Lance had started dating, back when he had panic attacks and nightmares about the time Lance almost died. Keith knew that the memory had been fake, but it  _felt_ real and he couldn’t get any of it out of his head. 

The tears kept coming and his breaths got shorter and shorter as his panic continued to set in. He bit his hand to keep from screaming out in frustration, pain, loneliness, helplessness. His body continued to shake and he honestly couldn’t calm his mind enough to separate reality from memory from Haggar’s influence.

_Help me, Lance. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please help._  

Keith didn’t know how much more he could take.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long to update!! Life has been so ridiculously hectic lately that I haven't had any time to breathe.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and felt your heart being ripped out like mine did! I'm really not sure why I do these things to myself...
> 
>  
> 
> See ya later Space Nerds™


	12. Things We Wish We Could Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I wanted to tell you guys that this chapter gets pretty gruesome, and the story is probably going to continue to be like this for a while. 
> 
> I also wanted to clarify a timeline of sorts here to make sure the jumbled thoughts that have become this story actually line up with… everything else.  
> So when our story starts we are somewhere post S2E7 (since Keith’s Galra genes are known), but aside from that we take off on our own timeline. It’s been… a while. When the story really begins, they’ve been in space for 6 months, give or take a few weeks (space time is hard, folks). So Keith’s headaches, passing out, and all that jazz lasted a week or so (weird Mal, why haven’t you addressed this issue since everything else that happened? Maybe there is more to the situation than we know?) Then the attack happened. Keith and Lance were both in pods for five days, they wake up and Keith kisses Lance. That night is when the nightmares started, Lance comes to the rescue and dubs Keith his boyfriend. They date for almost a year before Keith asks Lance to marry him, then they spend 4 more months as fiancés. That’s when Bad Stuff™ happens and Keith is taken by the Galra. He’s been there for 2 weeks now. Safe to say, it’s been a long two weeks for everyone. 
> 
> And now, back to our regularly scheduled program.

 

_He used to think being alone was better._

_Now he just wanted to see them again._

_Maybe he really was a burden._

_Maybe they’d given up on saving him._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Lance was losing his mind.

Fourteen days. It had been fourteen days since he last seen Keith. Fourteen days since he had kissed the love of his life. Fourteen days not knowing where Keith was, what they were doing to him, or if he was even alive.

“Lance,” Hunk suddenly pulled Lance into a warm hug, recognizing the look of desperation on his best friend’s face. Hunk soothingly played with Lance’s hair until he caught his breath. “We’re going to find him, Lance.” 

Lance took a shaky breath and tried to smile, he really did, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I know, big guy.” _In and out in and out in and out he could do this he could breathe fourteen days fourteen he would find him the team would find him god what if they didn’t find him fourteen whole days…_ A choked gasp from Pidge startled Lance out of his thoughts. He and Hunk exchanged a confused look before walking over to where the youngest paladin was sitting. 

The three of them had taken up permanent residence in the common room ever since they all realized the first night that they didn’t want to sleep alone. Shiro basically never left the control room with Allura and Coran, but Hunk, Pidge, and Lance needed someplace where they could help without being in the way. The last two days Pidge hadn’t moved from their spot, their metal leg propped out in front of them while their human leg was tucked under them. A laptop sat propped in their lap, and surrounding the entire space were more devices, papers, cords, and empty water pouches than should have been possible.

“What is it, Pidgeotto?” Half of Lance was dying of anticipation; the other half was dying from the fear of what Pidge might have found.

Pidge absentmindedly pushed their glasses up with a finger without breaking their methodical typing. “I think I hacked the ship’s central command.”

* * *

 

The five of them stood around Pidge as they inserted a few commands to bring their screen up on the control room’s display screen for everyone to see what they were doing.

“So you guys remember how I was getting a lock on that ship’s signal when Keith…” they stumbled over their words, pushing away the memory. “Well, I still can’t track them because somehow they’ve found a way to be untraceable, which is infuriating, really. _But_ , while I was trying to bypass their security, I think I broke into the ship’s mainframe. I’m hoping that eventually I can destroy the program keeping me from putting the trace on them from the inside. It’ll take a while but…I think it could work.”

“That’s great Pidge!” Leave it to Coran to be overly-enthusiastic about literally everything.

“Well, that’s not all.” Pidge hesitated before continuing but never ceased their typing.

Shiro took a step toward Pidge. “What do you mean?”

Pidge was silent for a minute before startling everyone when they jumped in their seat. They pounded the keys and slammed the last button with a small victory yell. The screens around the room were flooded with information from the Galra ship—energy levels, things that needed maintenance, the current chain of command on the ship, and dozens of other panels and folders that nobody else could interpret. Pidge, however, turned to them all, a dangerous gleam in their eyes. _Holy shit did their glasses just do the anime thing??_  

“I’m in.” 

“Okay, Master Hacker, that’s great and all but how is this going to help us find Keith right now?” In normal circumstances, Lance would have taken extra care to not shoot down Pidge’s achievements or breakthroughs, but these were not normal circumstances and he was done with this all. He wanted answers. He wanted Keith.

“I can pull security footage from the ship’s logs. We can see what’s going on, when it’s going on. Not only is this great for the current situation, but in the future, this will come in handy if we have to infiltrate a Galra ship or if we need to keep tabs on them.”

Pidge’s fingers flew over the keys as they spoke. Everyone else was silent, eyes flickering between the Green Paladin and the display screen. Within ticks, the screen showed footage of an empty hall on the ship. Before clicking to find the other camera feeds, Pidge hesitated and looked down at their hands. 

“We don’t know if there will even be a camera where Keith’s at, and even if there is…we don’t know what shape he’s in. So, um, just be ready.”

Lance’s fingers wrapped themselves around the headrest of a chair, his knuckles white within seconds. He felt a strong grip on the shoulder of his jacket, but he didn’t shift his gaze from the screen in front of him. 

“We’re right here with you, Lance.” Shiro gripped Lance’s shoulder even tighter, but he only got a small grunt in acknowledgment from the boy. The entire room held their breaths as Pidge flipped through several feeds, showing rooms and Galrans from every area of the ship. Shiro had explained after the failed mission that the ship was a modified prison ship, designed to hold important prisoners of war. He hadn’t been held on one since he and the Holts were ranked at the bottom of the food chain based on the appearance of the human species alone, but he had heard about them from his time back at the Arena. Aside from that hell hole, these ships were the place you didn’t want to be. Had they known what the ship really was ahead of time, they wouldn’t have approached it in the first place. Once again, Team Voltron was reminded that hindsight is 20/20.

A pin dropping across the room could have been heard when Pidge finally located the cameras that were monitoring the prison wing. There were more cameras here than anywhere else on the ship—it made sense, considering that the prisoners were considered especially dangerous or valuable—and the team had to watch as one horror after another filled the screens. There were too many prisoners being held here, and each one wore the look of someone who believed they were already dead.

Pidge’s hands trembled as they kept flipping through screen after screen. They bit down on their lip to hold in a sob when a familiar glimpse of red could be shown in the corner of the screen. The camera was inside the cell, pointed at the bars and the hallway beyond to monitor who went in and out. The inside of the cell was mostly out of the frame, but resting on the floor against the bars was a discarded red and white helmet. Something had put several sizeable dents in its sides, and there were black scorch marks everywhere.

Pidge slowly tapped their screen one more time to switch to the camera that would be facing the inside of the cell.

Pidge let out a strangled curse word. Lance didn’t breathe.

Lying unmoving on the floor, face down, was Keith, and all of their worst fears came true in that one second. They had missed Keith’s latest session with Haggar by only a few minutes and she hadn’t let either of the druids with her heal Keith’s injuries in the slightest.

Lance didn’t even realize he was falling until his knees hit the floor. He could barely recognize Keith and he couldn’t take his eyes off the screen, even as tears silently fell to the floor. 

There were too many bloodstains on the ground. A new puddle was slowly forming around Keith’s body. His paladin armor was in pieces, revealing the tattered black flight suit underneath. In some places there was nothing hiding the long-healed scars that the team knew Keith hadn’t had before. They all had too many scars to count, but they were battle scars—messy and rough. These were clean cuts, they were deliberate and they had been healed just to be replaced by another. 

Keith had always been small, something Lance had loved to tease him about, but he was too thin and his suit hung off his body awkwardly where it was supposed to be skin-tight. His long hair covered his face. The only sign he was alive was the unsteady rising and falling of his back, which they could barely make out.

“What the fuck?” Hunk’s voice came out small and scared. It seemed to be enough to break everyone out of their trances because no sooner had he spoken that Shiro turned and left the control room, only to collapse with his head in his hands the minute the doors closed behind him. Coran looked like he was going to be sick and Allura’s chin was quivering like she wasn’t sure whether she should scream or break down crying. Pidge was angry and trembling and doing everything they could to keep their panic buried down. Hunk didn’t feel like he could stand much longer, so he took a few steps forward before sitting next to Lance. Lance hadn’t moved. 

He couldn’t stop _looking_. He wanted to. _God, he wanted to stop looking_. He wanted to close his eyes and forget it all and not look at anything again until small kisses and gentle whispers in his ear and fingers running through his hair brought him out of this just like it brought him out of every other nightmare he’d had the last two years. He wanted Keith to sit up and give one of his small smiles, the one he only reserved for Lance, and tell everyone he was fine. Lance just wanted him to be okay. But Keith wasn’t. Lance was stuck in the castleship, watching as Keith bled out on a cold floor in a Galra prison ship and who knows how many times he’d bled in that room, living through every possible horror that Haggar could come up with.

The sound of Keith’s scream the day he was captured and being hit with Haggar’s magic rang through Lance’s head. How many times had they hurt him? What had they done, to give him so many scars in only fourteen days? Did Keith think they’d forgotten about him? They still didn’t know where the ship was, and who knew how long it was going to take them to find it and the Galra could do so much more to Keith in that time what were they trying to do why wouldn’t they leave him alone, just leave Keith alone he doesn’t deserve this just leave the boy I love alone please leave him alone Keith don’t give up you can’t die before I get there I promised I was going to find you Keith please I’m coming don’t die please don’t die don’t die don’t die Keith please— 

Two bodies wrapped themselves around Lance, pulling him back into the present. He hadn’t realized he’d been saying everything out loud. Pidge and Hunk had snapped out of their panic when Lance’s voice reached them, panicked and spiraling out of control. Hunk pulled Lance into a tight embrace while Pidge wrapped their arms around Lance’s waist, burying their head into his shirt to muffle their own sobs. Lance let the weight of his friends ground him back into reality. When he finally realized the wetness on his face was from his own tears, he made a great effort to stop any more from falling. He’d kept it in up until now, and he wasn’t going to let himself break down anymore. He had to be strong. For Keith.

The three of them sat like that for several minutes before Allura and Coran left, only to come back moments later with Shiro trailing behind them. They made their way to the young paladins and sat beside them. The six of them watched Keith’s screen with red eyes and clenched fists, holding onto each other for support without saying a word.

They stayed like that for a long time, but Keith didn’t move once. It was well into the late hours of the ship’s artificial time cycle when they finally stood, gave a few reassuring hugs and sad, half-smiles, before splitting off and leaving the control room.

Their time to process it all was over. They had a job to do. They were going to find Keith.

* * *

 

“It seems the little Green Paladin has accessed our central command. What should we do?”

“Nothing.”

“But, ma’am, they have visuals on every room in this ship, we cannot allow them to—”

“That was my plan all along. Let them come to rescue their precious paladin. They’ll be falling right into our trap perfectly.” Haggar smiled cruelly as she watched a screen that mirrored the one playing in the castleship several galaxies away. “But before they do, I’ve got a certain _halfbreed_ to play with some more.” 

Haggar left the room and made her way to Keith’s cell.

The other prisoners in the wing cringed as his screams rang through the halls.

* * *

 

Lance was the only one in the control room when Haggar appeared on his screen.

When Shiro came in later, Lance was making significant progress in driving his fist completely through the wall, completely oblivious to the pain as he shattered the small bones in his hand. He just needed to feel _something,_ anything but the emptiness that remained after Haggar had finally left Keith alone in his cell. Shiro looked at the displays and saw Keith was now on the other side of his cell, arms chained to the wall above him. One look at Lance told Shiro he didn’t want to know what had happened to Keith while he was gone. He pulled Lance away from the wall and guided him out of the room with one last glance at the blood dripping from his little brother’s slack mouth.

Shiro walked Lance to the med bay quietly to get the boy’s hand patched up. Before they walked in, Lance at Shiro with a terrifying, raging fire in his eyes.

“We have to get Keith back. We have to get him back now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...well shit.
> 
> You can yell at me on [tumblr](http://midnightruse.tumblr.com/)


	13. Breaking Point

 

_He forgot what it felt like to feel._

_It had been so long._

_He'd always been in the desert._

_He was fading away to nothing._

 

* * *

 

Keith was numb. Deep down he knew it was a bad sign that he couldn’t feel anything anymore, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He didn’t feel the new and old wounds on his body, the rifts torn in his mind, his loneliness or his longing for his family.

Keith didn’t feel anything anymore.

Haggar was pissed.

She’d been having more fun with the Red Paladin than she’d had in the last 5,000 years. He was everything she’d ever wanted in a test subject and victim. Someone who evolved with her experimentation. Who refused to cry out, even as his body slowly was torn apart and resewn bit by bit. A subject that reacted as none had before. Half-Galran children were not easy to come by, especially since Zarkon had taken over most of the universe, so little was known about how their bodies would reflect their mixed genes. This Paladin seemed to have won the genetic lottery. He had the strongest traits from both species, at least from what Haggar had gathered of the Humans. The boy was quite perplexing at first, but like all species, he had to have a breaking point.

Unfortunately, Haggar had overstepped that point. She had rendered her prisoner useless. Sure, she had gotten some valuable data on what the other Paladins would be able to withstand, how much damage their fragile human bodies could take and what their weakest points were—but she couldn’t test any more of her theories with an unresponsive creature.

The final straw in damaging the Paladin had been Haggar’s latest experimentation. She had introduced a parasite into the boy’s body that slowed down all bodily functions to the brink of failure. It was a form of torture that had been banned and deemed too inhumane tens of thousands of years ago by the Galra, but she had stumbled across data explaining the processes and decided to recreate what those before her had failed to recognize as a genius method to interrogating particularly strong-willed war prisoners.

Haggar had assumed that the results would leave the Red Paladin weak and ready to cooperate and tell the secrets of Voltron that he somehow kept locked in his mind, even from Haggar’s infiltration. After three days left alone and at a constant brink of death, Haggar removed the parasite from the boy’s body, but he hadn’t spoken a word since. Where he’d usually defy Haggar or whisper to himself, he only stared blankly at something not there. He didn’t react to what should have caused him pain. When Haggar had tried to push through his mind, all she found was white noise and an image of a dry, barren landscape. She’d finally found the boy’s breaking point, but she’d unknowingly pushed it too far and now he was useless to her.

In frustration, Haggar lashed out at Keith as he sat upright against the wall. She struck him with a powerful wave of energy that should have caused immense pain, but the only reaction she got from him was the faintest flicker in his eyes, but then it was gone. She left angrily, deciding that she was done with him. He’d rot in his cell like many prisoners had before him. He was useless. She didn’t need him anymore.

* * *

 

 

He was in the desert, sitting on a hill of sand with the sun at his back and the wind tousling his hair as he stared at the horizon. He didn’t know why he was there or how long he’d been there for, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He didn’t matter.

Every once in a while there’d be a noise and he’d try to find where it was coming from, but every time it would stop before he could. Nothing came or went. He was alone.

Sometimes he’d see figures and colors, but he could never remember what they meant or who they were. He’d always been alone, so who could they be?

Lately, he’d been seeing the blue one most frequently, and it made him feel different than the others but no matter how hard he tried he could never find a word for the feelings or a name for the figure.

He couldn’t remember, so it must not be that important.

Keith sat still, eyes never leaving the horizon for more than a few seconds. There was nothing for him to do. He was alone. He was nothing. Maybe soon he’d blow away with the wind that carried the sand and dirt across the plain, fading away into the nothingness that he felt inside.

 

* * *

They finally had a plan. They were going to get Keith back today. They had to get Keith back today.

Another week had passed since they first hacked into the prison feeds, making three whole weeks that Keith had been held prisoner by the Galra. They’d spent that week working non-stop to build a plan while they worked on locating the ship that Keith was on. It was harder than it should have been since their enemies seemed to be changing location more and more as the days passed, but early this morning Pidge had called them all to the control deck with the news that they had finally locked down on the ship’s coordinates.

After a brief, final rundown of their plan, the team jumped into their lions. Lance had tried not to look at Red when he passed her on his way to Blue. The Red Lion hadn’t moved since Keith had been taken. Allura told them that the connection between Red and Keith had somehow been fractured when Haggar hit them with her Druid magic and until Keith was back there was nothing she could do to fix it. They could worry about that after Keith was back and safe with them. Defending the Universe could wait, Lance needed Keith back.

Their flight to Haggar’s ship was quiet. Everyone was on edge. After three weeks of waiting, one of which was filled with watching Keith being tortured (Lance was even more worried after Keith hadn’t moved from his spot in the last two days), they were finally going to rescue him.

Of course, nothing could go completely smoothly for Team Voltron.

When the ship finally came into view and they were about to start their rescue plan, an explosion rocked the ship.

“What the hell was that?!” Lance yelled into the comms. The four paladins stopped where they were, trying to figure out what was happening before continuing.

“Um…unless one of you rigged the ship with explosives, I’d say we’ve got company. Look!” Hunk pointed, forgetting he was in his lion and nobody could tell where he was pointing, but they didn’t have to wait long to figure it out. Flying in from the opposite direction were several unfamiliar fighter ships. One was flying around Haggar’s ship, having set off the explosion moments before.

“Everyone focus,” Shiro barked into the comms when the three teens broke out into loud chatter, each talking over the others. “Change in plans. We don’t know if they are friends or foes of Voltron, but they are providing a distraction. The Galra will be focused on them and will not be expecting another invasion. Lance, you’re going in to find Keith. Pidge, go with him to bypass security and to relay any codes and info you come across. Hunk, you and I are going to stay out here and provide cover and to be on standby if either of them needs an extraction.” The three gave their confirmations that they understood. “Nobody is getting left behind today. We are all going home.”

Lance and Pidge flew their lions down to the side of the ship. Lance created a nice door with Blue’s blasters, and the Green Lion followed him quickly into the ship. Pidge, who had already hacked into the controls, opened a hatch to a room that locked behind them, sealing off the uninhabitable space from the rest of the ship. Once the lions touched down and put up their particle barriers, Pidge and Lance jumped out and made their way down the halls of the ship. 

“We’re actually really close to the prison wing. We just need to get there, take down any sentries, find Keith, and get out of here before the Galra realize they’ve got another problem on this end of the ship.” Pidge tracked their progress on a screen displayed in front of them as they walked around. Lance shot down the few guard drones stationed around, but they made it to the first cell blocks without much trouble.

They reached the first few cells but were confused to find them empty. Each cell looked like it had been inhabited, but now there no prisoners.

“…Where’d they all go?” Lance kept his gun ready as he walked by cell after cell, each as empty as the last. He pushed down his rising panic. Keith would be there. He had to be.

When he and Pidge finally reached the block where Keith was being held, Lance broke out into a sprint. Pidge trailed right behind him and almost ran into Lance’s back when he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. “Lance, what the fuck?”

“Put him down,” Lance growled.

Two figures with dark helmets stood at the end of the hall, an open door behind them. Several other similarly-clad people were moving beyond the door, ushering a dozen prisoners further away from the cell blocks. The frozen figures in front of Pidge and Lance had an unconscious Keith held up between them. 

Lance stepped forward with his gun raised. “I said to put him down!”

They didn’t move to release Keith. “Who are you people?” one of them said.

“We should be asking you the same thing!” Pidge took a step forward angrily, Bayard in hand. “Give us our friend back!” The other stranger visibly flinched as Pidge spoke. “You going to listen or am I going to have to convince you?” Pidge’s Bayard sparked as they yelled again, taking another step toward Keith.

The person tilted their head to the side, as if in confusion. “…Katie?”

Pidge stopped as if they had run into a wall. “How—how do you know that name?”

The arm not supporting Keith moved to tap the side of their helmet. The dark material retracted, revealing the face of the person underneath—a face that had been haunting the team for far too long.

“Matt?” Pidge stood frozen, too shocked to move.

“Katie…Katie is that you?” the shock on Matt’s face matched the look on Pidge’s own face. 

Pidge felt tears welling up in their eyes. “I found you.” The shock finally released them, and they ran towards their brother. Pidge jumped at Matt, mindful not to make him drop Keith. “Matt, oh my god, I finally found you, I knew you weren’t dead I’ve been looking for you for so long.” Pidge’s hands balled into fists on Matt’s chest as they sobbed.

Matt looked like he was still in shock at finding his younger sibling on a Galra prison ship in the middle of space. “Katie you're not...what…how are you?” He looked to Lance for clarification, but Lance was too busy looking at Keith’s unmoving figure, dark hair obscuring Keith's face as his head hung down against his chest. Lance took small steps toward Keith, his jaw clenched as he tried to keep his raging and conflicting emotions from spilling out.

“Keith…babe,” Lance reached a hand out as he closed the gap between them all. He looked to Matt and the other stranger, who was supporting most of Keith’s weight since Matt was a little preoccupied with a crying Pidge. “I’m taking him.” Lance wrapped his arm around Keith’s back, taking Matt’s side before carefully bending down to pick Keith up entirely, his other arm under his knees. The stranger made sure Lance was stable before letting go completely, not wanting to drop the last prisoner they had freed.

Lance bit his lip as he felt Keith’s weight in his arms. He was so light and Lance could feel his bones protruding where there was supposed to be lean, toned muscle. Keith’s head rested on Lance’s chest, and Lance pressed a soft kiss to his lover’s forehead, taking note of the bruising and dried blood on his face. “I’ve got you now. You’re safe Keith. I’ve got you.”

“We need to be going.” 

Lance wanted to argue with the stranger trying to give him orders, but he rationalized that the person was right. Keith needed put in a cryopod quickly, before things got worse. They needed to get back to the lions and back to the castleship.

“Pidge, let’s get back to the Lions,” Lance looked to Pidge, who was still holding Matt close. “Matt, nice to see you’re alive and well, but we’ve got to go. You and your…acquaintances can follow us back to Allura and Coran—they’ll be able to help with the other prisoners I’m guessing you guys all freed.” Lance tapped his wrist to turn his communicator on. “Shiro, we’ve got Keith. Prepare to cover for us.” 

Matt had an arm around Pidge as he looked at Lance in confusion. “Shiro?” 

Pidge smiled brightly at their brother. “Dude, you’ve missed  _so much._  I’ll catch you up on our way back.”

Pidge gave Matt’s companion the coordinates of the Altean ship after Matt gave them instructions to go and help the others. The stranger disappeared around a corner, leaving the four alone. Pidge stepped toward Lance and gestured toward the unconscious boy in his arms. “Do you need help?”

Lance shook his head and pulled Keith closer to his chest. “I’m not letting him go.”

The walk back to the lions was quiet. Pidge and Matt were on guard, looking for any sentries trying to prevent them from leaving. Lance couldn’t take his eyes or attention off of Keith.

As they neared their lions, he felt Blue growl comfortingly.  ** _I told you it would all be okay._**  As soon as Lance was settled inside, Blue took off on her own, leaving her Paladin to just hold onto Keith. Lance wasn’t sure if Keith’s condition constituted “okay,” but he was alive. He was with Lance. He was safe now. Lance got him out of there. Everything was going to be okay.

Keith made a small noise when they landed back in Blue's hangar, but he didn’t wake up. Lance pulled him closer, burying his face in Keith’s hair even though it was tangled and matted with dried blood and dirt from the last three weeks. Everything was going to be okay. It had to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a while. I moved back to my university this week and my sorority is in the middle of hell week pt. I so that's been fun. I will try my best to update regularly though!!! Hopefully, this semester doesn't murder me.  
> In any case, I hope you enjoyed all of this so far! I've been planning on the Holt sibling reunion since the beginning basically, and I'm so glad it finally happened.


	14. Memory

It was cold.

Why was it cold?

It didn’t make sense. He had been sitting under the sun so why was it cold now? Did something happen? He wanted to open his eyes to look at the sky but he was so tired. Maybe he’d just sleep for a little while longer.

Sleep. When was the last time he’d slept? Keith tried to think back to the last time he had gone to sleep but he couldn’t remember…he couldn’t remember much of anything. It felt like there should be something there _or was it someone?_ He was missing something, but if he couldn’t remember it must not have been that important, right?

His body felt so heavy but it felt like he was almost floating. He was so tired. Yeah, for now, he would sleep. He could worry about thinking later. Right now, he just needed to rest.

 

* * *

 

When Keith finally opened his eyes, he immediately closed them again when he began to fall. Something, no, someone caught him and lowered him down to the ground so he was resting against the resealed wall of the cryopod. He kept his eyes closed tightly as a wave of nausea and dizziness swept over him. A small groan slipped past his lips.

“Keith?” a voice hesitantly spoke. It was loud in his ears, but something about it made Keith feel warm inside. Keith slowly opened his eyes and had to blink several times before his vision would focus. 

Worried blue eyes peered into his as recognition flooded his senses. “Lance? What’s going on?” Keith looked around, wincing slightly as his body protested the movement.

“Don’t try to move too much, you’re all healed but your body is probably super weak and sore. Allura said it was something about the time in the pod and the damage and, um, everything else.” Lance slowly reached out a hand to cup Keith’s cheek. Keith let out a small sigh as he leaned into the touch. He’d missed this.

Wait.

Why had he missed Lance? They’d been together earlier that day before the mission, so why was he reacting like he hadn’t felt Lance in weeks? 

Keith must have been showing his confusion on his face because Lance adopted a concerned frown. “What’s wrong? How are you feeling?”

That made Keith laugh a little. “Like someone just ran my body through a blender.” When Lance visibly winced at the comment, Keith’s confusion only increased. “Hey, I was kidding…mostly…but really, I’m fine. I probably just need to sleep off the post-cryopod exhaustion and then I’ll be good as new, promise.” Keith leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss on Lance’s forehead. He really did feel like he’d been run over with a semi-truck, but Lance didn’t need to know that.

“You don’t have to pretend to be strong, you know.” Keith stiffened at Lance’s words. What was he talking about?

“I’m not? Lance, I’m fine, just a little shaken up from that fight is all.” Lance pulled back from Keith and fixed the boy with an incredulous stare.

“You call that ‘just as little shaken up,’ Keith?!”

Something in Lance’s tone sparked ugly fear in Keith’s gut, so he responded the only way he knew when he was scared—with anger. “Yeah, Lance, I do! What the fuck are you getting so pissy about?”

Lance stood up angrily and gestured wildly with his hands at Keith. “Are you fucking serious right now, Keith? I know I have no clue what happened to you in there, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t get to be upset and scared and angry too. I almost lost you, Keith!” Tears were starting to well in Lance’s eyes and Keith knew it, but he didn’t know why. Lance was scaring him.

“What are you talking about Lance?! You’re acting like this wasn’t just another day of being a part of this team. I’m fine, okay!?” Keith moved to stand up, but his legs gave out before he was even halfway up. Lance was there to catch him for the second time that day as Keith frustratedly cursed.

Keith just wanted to go to sleep and forget this whole conversation. He just wanted things to go back to normal. He just wanted to kiss Lance and make his tears go away and dig a hole for the fear and panic in his stomach to go in so he could just stop feeling so scared and confused for no reason.

Lance pulled Keith close to him, pushing away his emotions when he realized that the smaller boy was trembling. Lance took several deep, steadying breaths while he let Keith’s words settle in his brain. That’s when the realization struck him.

“Keith…” Lance pulled himself away from Keith so he could look at him better as he spoke. “What do you mean it was just another day?”

Keith frowned. “We were fighting those ships and Haggar grabbed Red and attacked us with her creepy Druid magic. It hurt like a bitch, I eventually passed out, and then I woke up here, what else do you want me to say?”

Lance couldn’t even try to hide his shock from Keith.

“Lance, what’s wrong?” 

“Keith…” Lance bit his lip and grabbed one of Keith’s hands tightly before continuing. “Keith, that was two months ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter, I know, but I needed to get it out.   
> In case there was any confusion, right now Keith doesn't remember his three weeks of being tortured and he spent over a month in a pod after Lance and the team rescued him.  
> I'm (not) sorry.


	15. Broken Memories

_Can you remember something that didn't happen?_

_Why was nothing making sense?_

_He just wanted **him**._

_What is going on?_

 

* * *

 

 

“Keith, that was two months ago.”

The words hung in the air long after they’d left Lance’s lips. Keith could feel his heart pounding, and each beat felt heavier than the last. What was Lance talking about? That made no sense.

Lance pulled Keith to his feet but kept the shorter boy in his arms, steadying him. “Babe, what are you thinking? Are you okay?”

He could see the concern in Lance’s eyes. Keith didn’t want concern. He wanted Lance to act like normal. He’d seen Lance yesterday, he was sure of it. There was no way two months had passed. Two months? Two months is way too long to be in a pod from one fight. And even so, why did Lance look so scared, hell if anyone was supposed to be scared it should be the one who had just dropped out of a cryopod feeling worse than he’d felt when he’d taken that first blast during that fight.

_..._

_But does it hurt as much as having your fingers snapped, one by one by one?_

…

  _Or when they left you bleeding out on the table after they’d cut you open so they could see what was inside your body?_

…

_I bet you felt worse when they tied you down and fired shot after shot of their magic into your skull and your bones, when they used their magic to keep you from escaping into unconsciousness._

…

_But nothing hurt worse than when you killed Lance, over and over and over again for days on end. Yes, that was the worst pain of all._

...

The cold hard metal of the floor jarred Keith back to reality as his legs crumpled and his knees hit the ground. Lance was down in an instant, hands gently cupping Keith’s face.

Keith could see Lance’s lips forming words, but the sound didn’t reach his ears. All he could hear was his heartbeat getting louder and louder. What were those thoughts? Where did they come from? Why did Lance think two whole months had passed, it made no sense, why weren’t things making sense anymore? Why did his body feel like it was on fire, like the ghost of something painful was tugging at his skin in ways he’d never felt pain before?

Keith’s breaths grew ragged and his eyes were unfocused. He was distantly aware of someone calling his name, but everything was muffled. Images flashed through his head too quickly for him to focus on any one. There was red, so much red, no wait, that’s not red, that’s blood, there’s so much blood, that’s his blood why was he bleeding so much what happened he was in the pod he should have been fine. He’d seen Lance yesterday, nothing had happened Lance was just confused everything was going to back to normal all he had to do was stop the pain…why did he hurt it hurt so much why won’t it stop someone needs to make it stop now it needs to stop.

Fragments of scenes danced across his vision, scenes he didn’t remember but looked to vivid to be made up. Keith closed his eyes to make them stop, he didn’t want to see them anymore he didn’t know what they were or where they came from or why they wouldn’t stop. He tried to take a deep breath but the air stuck in his throat.

He couldn’t breathe.

Why couldn’t he breathe?

A new image. This one of a shadowed face twisted in anger. Purple sparks lighting up the air. Clawed fingers wrapping around his neck, pushing him up against the wall too high for his feet to touch the ground. What was happening? Where was this coming from? Who was being choked…was it him? No he was with Lance and he was with Lance yesterday nothing bad had happened in the last day except for a few hours in a pod he was fine. But if he was fine why couldn’t he breathe? Could memories choke you—wait. Memories? Were these memories? They couldn’t be. There was no way. How would he have memories he didn’t remember? What was happening?

Keith opened his eyes in panic, finding Lance desperately trying to bring him back to reality, to get him to _just breathe._

Keith shook his head as tears sprung loose and ran down his face. He was getting dizzy. He couldn’t breathe.

Black spots filled his vision, covering the blue he’d wanted to see for so long.

Why had he not seen that blue? He was there yesterday. He had to have been. There was no way. The images couldn’t be memories.

Unless they were. Oh god. What had happened. Why had it been two months. Why couldn’t he breathe. Why was Lance so scared, he didn’t want Lance to be scared, he just wanted to see Lance smile again please smile Lance…

Keith’s body went limp as he passed out. 

“CORAN! SHIRO! SOMEONE HELP!”

* * *

 

Soft voices mixed with quiet beeping.

Where was he?

It felt nice. It felt safe.

When was the last time he felt safe?

He was tired, so tired.

Maybe he’d just sleep a little more.

* * *

 

The gentle fingers running through his hair stopped when Keith made a small noise as he woke up. He opened his eyes slowly and found himself lying in one of the Castle’s med beds with Lance sitting anxiously on the edge over him. Keith opened his mouth to ask Lance what they were doing there, but he stopped as he finally noticed the Oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

“Hey, Keith, just take it easy for a sec, okay?” Lance’s voice was quiet and gentle as his hand resumed playing with Keith’s hair. “Shiro will be back in here in just a minute to turn that off. We had to get your heart rate stabilized and your lungs weren’t wanting to cooperate.” Keith could feel the trembling in Lance’s fingers even as the boy tried to play his feelings off with a laugh.

As if waiting for a cue, Shiro walked in a moment later. His face softened into a relieved smile when he saw Keith was awake. He briefly squeezed Lance’s shoulder as he walked by to the machine next to the bed.

“It’s good to see you, Keith. You had us worried there for a minute.” Keith watched as Shiro punched in a code. “I’m gonna take this off now, Buddy, okay?”

Keith nodded his head, still feeling too tired to move any more than that. He noted how slowly Shiro moved toward him and how his hands shook just the slightest as they brushed against Keith’s face.

The fresh air felt cool against his skin, and Keith took a deep breath before clearing his throat. “I passed out, didn’t I?” Lance and Shiro shared a knowing and worried look, making Keith nervously laugh. “Just like old times, right, Lance?”

Lance’s confusion was quickly replaced by a genuine smile. “Yeah, back when you refused to take care of yourself and kept passing out on me even though we were _rivals?”_ Keith didn’t know why seeing Lance’s smile brought tears to his eyes and made his chest feel heavy. But he was tired, he could figure it out later.

Keith felt his eyelids starting to close, even as he tried to keep them open. “’m sleepy, ’nce” he mumbled. He leaned into the hand that caressed his cheek. He loved Lance so much. He just wanted to stay like this forever.

When Lance leaned down to press a soft kiss to Keith’s lips, Keith’s eyes slid closed. Lance let out a little laugh. “Then sleep, my love. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Keith hummed with a small smile in response.

Keith could feel himself quickly falling asleep, catching only parts of the conversation happening around him.

“…—edication will probably knock him out for a while.”

“Good, he needs it.”

“Lance …. –figure this out, trust me.”

“I just want him to be okay, is that too much—…”

Keith heard the soft hiss of the door shutting. Shiro must have left. He was so tired. He felt himself gladly slipping into unconsciousness, but not before Lance kissed his forehead and softly spoke.

“I’m here. I’ll never leave you alone again. I’m here now.” 

Keith thought he felt something wet drip onto his face, but he was asleep before he could figure out what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy heck. Guys, I am so sorry it is taking me so long to update this. College is actually murdering me. I hope you haven't given up on this fic, I promise I have full intentions to keep updating and eventually finishing it!! <3 
> 
>  
> 
> *Please ignore any typos, I didn't edit this time because it's late and I have work in the morning but I needed to get this out*
> 
> ~ Sky ~


	16. Catching My Breath

_What is a memory?_

_How do you tell reality from the illusions?_

_They finally saved him._

_How much of him is really left?_

 

* * *

 

 

_How long had he been here?_

_Where even was he?_

_Why wouldn’t the pain stop?_

_He wanted it to stop._

_He wanted to see Lance._

_No, no don’t think of him._

_They make it hurt when he thinks of him._

_Why was he still here?_

_Would he ever make it out?_

_Why hadn’t his team come for him yet?_

_Had they forgotten about him?_

_Did they even care he was gone?_

_Would they ever come for him?_

_The door of his cell slid open, revealing the tall, hooded figure of Haggar. Keith wanted to move away from her, but his injured ribs protested even the slightest of movements._

_“Are you ready for another turn? I was quite intrigued by yesterday’s session.”_

_Keith barely suppressed a whimper. He didn’t want that to happen again. Anything but that. She could break his other arm or smash the rest of his ribs or let him bleed until there was nothing more to bleed—anything, just not **that.** Not again. He couldn’t take another day like the last. He couldn’t._

_“I’ll take your silence as a good sign.” Haggar smiled cruelly as the other two druids entered the cell behind her. “Set him up.”_

_Keith tried to push away from the cold hands that painfully gripped his arms, but he had virtually no strength left. He refused to make a sound though, even as he was pulled upright and pushed into a chair. His wrists and ankles were strapped down to prevent him from getting up (as if he could stand up on his own even if he wanted to). He kept his face free of emotion, but he couldn’t cover up the way his hands trembled in their restraints._

_Haggar grabbed a fistful of Keith’s hair, jerking his head up so he would meet her gaze. The second he did, her other hand was on his forehead. Keith couldn’t help the way his breath caught in his chest as her power flooded his senses and the walls of his cell melted away into the familiar shapes and colors of the Castle-Ship._

_He told himself it wasn’t real. He **knew** it wasn’t real. _

_When he felt familiar arms hugging him from behind, all he wanted was for it to be real. He just wanted to see Lance again. He wanted to feel safe again. He wanted to tell Lance how much he meant to him. He knew what was coming, but he still wanted that moment to be real._

_Even as everything started to change._

_Even as his hands turned red and the room grew cold._

_Even as he saw the hurt, angry faces of his friends staring at him._

_Even as he looked down and saw Lance._

_Lance’s body._

_Lance bleeding out at his feet._

_His blade still buried in Lance’s chest._

_Even as it happened over and over and over and over again. Each time Keith told himself it was another one of Haggar’s illusions, and each time he let himself believe it was over. He just wanted it to be over. And each time the vision would end after he killed Lance, only to start over again on a different planet, in a different time, in a different way._

_Haggar won. Tears fell from Keith’s eyes even as he bit his lip to keep from sobbing or screaming or both. He wanted it to end. He just wanted it to end. He didn’t want to hurt Lance anymore. He didn’t want to hurt Lance anymore. He didn’t want to hurt Lance anymore._

* * *

Keith jerked awake with Lance’s name on his lips. Hands gripped his shoulders and he jerked away, surprised when the hands actually let him go.

_They never just let go… What was happening?!_

Keith curled into a small ball. If he was small enough they couldn’t hurt him as much. It was easier to pretend to be unconscious. Maybe they would just leave.

“…Keith?” The voice was small and sad. That wasn’t how they sounded… “It’s okay now, you’re home. It’s me, babe. It’s Lance. Keith, it’s me, baby.”

Lance? No, it couldn’t be Lance. If it was, that meant he was going to have to kill Lance again. He didn’t want to hurt Lance anymore. Keith shook his head as his body trembled. He was so weak. He hated himself. He just wanted it to stop.

“You’re not real.”

“What? Keith, what do you mean? I’m right here.”

Keith fisted his hands in his hair as he spoke into his knees that were pulled to his chest. “You aren’t real, you’re **never** real.” His eyes burned, but he refused to let any tears fall. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction if he could help it. Even though he usually couldn't stop the tears in the end.

“Babe…this is real. You’re back home, okay, just open your eyes and let me prove it to you.”

Keith laughed bitterly. He was done. He wanted it to stop. Every time he tried to stop and he tried to make it end differently, but every time ended the same—with Lance dead at his feet. This time wouldn’t be any different. Why wouldn’t they stop playing this game with him? He didn’t want to play anymore. “I’m not falling for it, okay?” Keith sat up as he yelled, looking at the not-Lance in front of him. “I’m done! I can’t do it anymore. I’m not going to kill you again, okay? So just LEAVE ME ALONE!” The tears pushed through as his voice cracked. He just wanted to go home.

Keith watched through blurry eyes as not-Lance started to move. He closed his eyes, bracing himself for whatever horror was going to follow. He wanted for the pain to start.

It never came.

Instead, a warm, soft hand cupped his face and oh-so-gently brushed tears from his cheeks. Keith’s eyes opened in confusion. “Why are you doing this?”

Not-Lance fixed Keith with a sad but heartfelt gaze. “I’m here now, Keith. I know you would never hurt me, and I would never hurt you.”

Keith wanted to believe it, he really did. But he was scared. He didn’t want to hurt Lance anymore. That’s all he wanted. He just wanted Lance to be safe and happy and far away from—

Lips softly pressing against his halted all of Keith’s thoughts. Nothing made sense. Not-Lance had never kissed him before. He never kissed Keith back. Every time it was the same. Except for now…did that mean…

“Is it really you, Lance?” Keith’s voice was barely a whisper. He looked desperately into the twin pools of blue for a sign that this could be the truth. That maybe he wasn’t still locked up and stuck inside the prison they’d made in his mind.

“I brought you home, Keith. You’re safe now. I’m real and I know you would never hurt me. This is real, my love, I promise. Do you remember waking up in the cryopod yesterday?”

Keith almost shook his head, but the pieces of the day before slipped into place. He gasped and looked at Lance. New tears were making their way down Keith’s face, but this time they weren’t brought on by fear or pain.

“You’re really real. You’re okay.” Keith flung himself forward at Lance. He wrapped his arms around the lanky Cuban and bunched his hands up in the fabric of Lance’s T-shirt.

Lance pulled Keith closer to him. He rubbed Keith’s back and whispered soothing words as the small boy buried his face in Lance’s shirt and sobbed.

After a few long minutes, Keith’s breaths evened out and Lance wiped away any lingering tears on his cheeks. They stayed like that, Lance holding Keith tight to his chest, for a while in silence before Keith spoke again.

“I missed you, Lance. I missed you so much.” Keith could feel Lance’s breath catch as he spoke. “How…how long has it been?”

“It took us a month to get you out.” Keith cringed at Lance’s words. “And you spent another month in the cryopod.” Keith felt Lance’s grip tighten. He pushed away from Lance so that he could look him in the eye.

"Hey, it’s okay now, Lance.” Lance shook his head. Keith could tell he was fighting his own tears.

“No, Keith, it’s not.” A tear escaped and was followed by another. All Keith wanted was to make Lance’s hurt go away, to erase the last two months—not only to escape the murky remnants of his own pain but to also take away every sleepless night and anxiety-ridden day he knew Lance had suffered through while Keith was gone and then when he was healing. But Keith didn’t know what to do. He knew Lance better than he knew himself, but he didn’t know how to erase the pain the beautiful boy in front of him held in his heart.

“You were gone for so long, Keith. I was so lost and scared and alone and I didn’t know what to do without you around. I knew you weren’t dead, I never lost hope. You have to believe me, Keith!” Lance looked to Keith with desperation written plainly on his face. “I _never_ stopped looking for you. But then we hacked the feeds and saw what they were doing to you and I couldn’t do anything to stop it and I was so scared Keith that it was going to be too late then we finally got you back but you were so hurt. I held you in my arms, Keith, and you were so small and so broken and I can’t stop thinking about it all and hating myself for not being able to protect you.” Lance was sobbing by the time he got the last few words out.

Keith pushed down every thought and emotion running through his head. He gently reached out to cup Lance’s face in his hands. Keith leaned forward and rested his forehead against Lance’s, closing his eyes and taking a deep, steadying breath with his hands still holding Lance.

“It’s not your fault, Lance. None of this was any of your faults. I cannot imagine what the last two months have been like for you. If you had been missing for a month, Lance, I…” Keith swallowed hard as he pushed down the thought before it could develop into full-blown panic. “I couldn’t have done it. But you were there Lance. Every single day, you were there for me. When I had nothing else, I still had you. You got me out and you saved me, Lance, okay? You cannot blame yourself. You did everything right, so stop thinking that way. I love you, Lance, nothing will ever change that.”

Somewhere during Keith’s speech, Lance had stopped crying. Keith leaned back so that he could see Lance’s eyes. He had missed that color. He didn’t think he was ever going to see it again for real. Keith smiled, laughing a little when Lance narrowed his eyes in confusion, a soft smile on his lips as well.

“What’s so funny?”

Keith kissed Lance softly. “Just thinking about some things.” He was thinking about how good it felt to be in Lance’s arms, even if they were on one of the small, uncomfortable beds in the medical wing of the ship. He thought about how he loved the way his lips tasted after Lance kissed him and how the oversized green jacket felt on his bare arms when Lance wrapped him up in it and how much Lance must have worried when he had been missing. Keith suddenly stiffened as he remembered something Lance had said.

“Lance, what do you mean you guys hacked the cameras?” He didn’t like where this idea was taking his thoughts.

Lance frowned and looked down, not wanting to talk about it but knowing Keith deserved to know and would find out one way or another. “After about two weeks Pidge got into the security of the ship you were being held on. There was a camera in all the cells, for guards to monitor and stuff…” Lance played with the edge of the thin sheet that covered the bed.

Keith put a slightly shaking hand on Lance’s arm. “Lance, you can tell me. It’s in the past but we’ve got to deal with it so we can move on from here.”

Lance laughed. “When did you become the wise one?” His smile turned somber as he took a minute to breathe before continuing. “There was a camera in your cell. When we first saw you, you were alone but barely breathing. But eventually, someone came in and…I _watched_ as they tortured you and I couldn’t do anything but wait for our plan to come together so we could break into the ship. Honestly, Keith? I don’t know how you’re still in one piece.”

Keith had a small frown on his face that Lance picked up on immediately. “What are you thinking about, babe?”

“I only remember some of it…Like things keep coming and going in my head that make it so hard to figure out what’s real. When I first came out of the pod it was like I was in a dream and I couldn’t remember anything, but then something triggered this voice in my head and then it was like I was back there. And then when I woke up I thought you were another illusion…I think that was something that happened a lot…” Keith chewed on his lip as he tried to think back. “Part of me doesn’t want to ever think about what happened there but the other part is telling me that I’m going to remember eventually, no matter what I want. But if I try to remember something specific, like why I thought you weren’t real, it just…slips away.”

Keith didn’t realize how tightly his fists were clenched until Lance’s fingers were gently pulling at them. “I hate that I can’t help you more. I feel absolutely useless. Again.”

“You’re here.” Keith let his hands relax in Lance’s. “You’re with me. That’s all I’ll ever need.”

Lance all but melted at the words spilling from Keith’s mouth. The two pulled closer, perfectly content to just exist with the other by their side. They laid silently together in the small bed, fingers intertwined and gentle kisses burning fire into their skin.

Keith felt himself dozing off when his stomach decided to remind him he didn’t know the last time he’d eaten. Lance looked at Keith in surprise for a moment before the two broke into loud laughter. “I guess we know what we’re doing next.”

Lance got off the bed first to help Keith to his feet. His legs felt wobbly from disuse and his body felt tight in all the wrong places, but he was standing. With one of Keith’s arms around Lance for support, the two slowly made their way down the hall in the direction of the kitchen.

They had to stop halfway for Keith to catch his breath and let the dizziness in his head settle down, but Lance made sure to fill the silence with encouraging and loving comments, knowing how frustrated Keith was getting at the state of his body.

When Keith was ready to go again, he smiled up at Lance as he leaned into the taller boy’s side. “I love you so much.”

Lance just smiled. “Love you too, Space Cowboy. I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected Wishes has reached over one-thousand hits and I just want to thank each and every one of you for reading and supporting this story. I never expected to have this reach so many people, and to know that you enjoy the story I'm creating is the greatest feeling in the world. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
>  
> 
> The story is not over yet, and our Space Children still have a way to go before we reach the end. I'm a sucker for happy endings just as much as I love angst and tears, so take that with a grain of salt.
> 
> Until next time <3 
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://midnightruse.tumblr.com/) !


	17. Never-Ending Apologies

_How do you tell reality from a nightmare?_

_Sometimes they are one and the same._

_He kept causing everyone around him pain._

_He just wanted to take it all back._

 

* * *

 

 

_“You’ll never be good enough for them.”_

_“Who do you think you are?”_

_“They are all going to die.”_

_“It’s all your fault.”_

_“Why did you do it?”_

_“Why?”_

 

“Keith, wake up, babe, come back to me.”

Keith opened his eyes with a gasp, his heart pounding. The gentle hands brushing his damp hair out of his eyes brought him back to the present. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to steady his heartbeat and calm his jittery nerves.

“How long?”

“How long what?” Lance’s fingers stilled for only a second, but Keith picked up on it.

“Lance, please.” Keith rolled onto his side so he was facing the other boy. He grabbed one of Lance’s hands and intertwined their fingers before bringing the tanned skin to his lips for a small kiss. “How long did I sleep this time?”

Lance frowned. His concern was drawn all over his face. “About four hours.”

Keith turned on his back again, throwing an arm over his face to hide his eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry.”

“Babe,” Lance moved so his head was lying on Keith’s chest. “You don’t need to apologize, okay? I don’t care. I’ll always be here for you.”

Keith’s chest was tight as he tried to restrain his frustration. “It’s just so stupid and I feel so helpless. I can’t even make it through the night without waking you up with at least one nightmare. Some Paladin I am.” God, he hated this.

“Keith. Keith, look at me.” Keith slowly pulled his arm back so he could look at Lance.

“…What.”

“You are the strongest, bravest, most stubborn, determined, loving, badass person I know. You went through something **nobody** else could ever understand, you hear me? Not even Shiro. The fact that you’re alive is a miracle in itself, and it is enough for me just to have you back. I’ll wake up every night the rest of our lives if it means I get to hold you close and never have to live without you again. So stop being so damn hard on yourself. You can’t help it and you are doing the best that you can.

“I know you are frustrated, babe. I do, but you’ve got to give it more time. It’s only been a week since you woke up, and it is going to take a while before you can completely process and move past what happened. You might not ever completely get over it, but as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be by your side to help you however I can.”

Keith stared at the boy beside him in silent awe for a minute before a small smile danced across his lips. He leaned down and gently kissed Lance. “Thank you.”

Keith smiled more as Lance deepened the kiss and twisted his fingers in Keith’s hair. Keith grunted as Lance moved and straddled Keith, sitting with his thighs on either side of Keith’s hips. He shivered as Lance’s cold hands slid up his shirt. Keith leaned forward to meet Lance’s lips again. He gently bit Lance’s lip, smirking as Lance moaned above him when Keith ran his tongue across Lance’s lip.

Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s shoulders, gripping him tightly. Then, before Lance realized what was happening, Keith pushed Lance off of him, twisting as he did so he was now on top of Lance. Keith kissed Lance again, this time rolling his hips and grinding down on Lance. When Lance rose up to push back against him, Keith couldn’t help the small whine from escaping his mouth.

Keith brushed his thumb over Lance’s mouth, admiring the soft shiver coming from Lance underneath him. He trailed his fingers to trace Lance’s jawline, his throat, and his chest. He tugged at Lance’s waistband, kissing Lance as his fingers brushed the soft skin. Below him, Lance was squirming, his hands desperately pulling at Keith, asking for more. Keith pulled at Lance’s pants again ready to take them off so that—

“Paladins, report to the training deck.” Allura’s voice ordered over the castle’s PA system.

Keith and Lance froze, looked at each other, and then both groaned.

“Just because Allura isn’t getting any sex doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be able to,” Lane grumbled. Keith pushed himself up and stood up next to the bed. He reached down and pulled up an angry Lance. The two got dressed quickly and headed to the training deck with the promise they would pick up where they left off later that day.

* * *

“For the record, I think this is a really bad idea.”

“Lance, it’ll be fine.”

Lance whirled around to glare at Keith with his hands on his hips. “Of course you think it’ll be fine, you’re you! And I’m not saying you can’t handle it.”

“Then what are you saying, Lance?” interjected Pidge.

Lance rolled his eyes in frustration. “I’m saying that doing a mind-melding exercise this soon is not a good idea. I don’t think any of us are in a place right now that should really be shared with everyone else.”

Hunk raised his hand. “I have to agree with Lance. It’s been two months since we’ve all been together to train...”

“That’s exactly why we need to do it.” Shiro walked onto the training deck with Matt by his side. The two were carrying the headbands that the Paladins used for mental training and exercises. They had left to get them right after Allura had explained to everyone what she wanted them to do together. Lance had immediately argued that he didn’t want to do it and they had been discussing it for several minutes now.

Lance opened his mouth to argue, but Keith put a hand on his shoulder, silencing him.

“Lance, it’s fine. We need to do this. You guys were focused on getting me back for a month and then you spent the next worrying and waiting for me to wake up. It’s been another week since then and we haven’t done any Voltron stuff.” Keith let his bangs cover his expression as he continued. “I’m not going to hold you guys back anymore. I’ve done enough of that.”

“Nobody is holding anybody back, Keith,” said Shiro. “We are going to take this slow and see where it takes us. We’ve also got Matt now, so everyone just needs to refresh and re-learn their connections to the group.”

Everybody took the headgear and sat down in a circle. Keith sat next to Lance, their fingers brushing. As much as he would never admit it, he was more than a little anxious to do this.

“Okay,” Shiro started. “Everyone close your eyes and just focus on _feeling_ each other. Take it slow, and don’t push anything. Today is about refreshing our bonds, not advancing them.”

Keith closed his eyes. Now that nobody could see him, he pressed his lips together tightly. After taking a deep breath, he concentrated, reaching out for the mental chord that would allow him to connect with everyone else.

It was a lot harder than he remembered. Keith shivered as he felt the smoky wisps of everyone’s consciences brushed across his mind. Back in his body, he gripped Lance’s hand tightly as he steadied his mind. He could feel everyone else was together, even Matt, and they were just waiting for him to connect.

Keith reached out and allowed himself to sync up with everyone else. At first, everything was just as he remembered it. But then somebody reached out little too far, getting too close to Keith’s thoughts.

Keith stiffened as a wave of malice pounded in his head. He was distantly aware of everyone else recoiling at the feeling, so he knew they weren’t coming from any of them. So where…

Images flashed through Keith’s mind, which was wide open for everyone else to see.

_Haggar smiling wickedly at him with a blade in hand._

_Looking down to see the end of the blade sticking out of his stomach. There was so much blood._

_Falling back on the cold ground, unable to breathe._

_The other druids coming in, ripping the sword out. Him screaming in pain. The gaping hole painfully being drawn closed as they sealed it with druid magic._

_Haggar yelling, saying she could finally break him now that he was so weak._

_Another presence in his head. He wasn’t alone._

_The voice wouldn’t stop telling him things. Why wouldn’t it stop?_

_It made him remember things that didn’t happen. Made him kill his friends. Made him kill his parents. Made him kill the children he didn’t have yet. Made him kill Lance._

_He needed it to stop. He was sorry. He was so sorry. He didn’t mean for any of that to happen. He should have never let them in. He should have died back on Earth. He should have died in that attack. He should have died. He should be dead. He didn’t deserve to be alive. He needed to die. Why couldn’t he just die? He had to die. He couldn’t be allowed to stay there. He had to go. They had to get rid of him. They needed to protect themselves. They needed to kill him—_

Keith ripped off the headpiece and threw it on the ground, struggling for breath. It broke the link, sending everyone back to the present. Pidge was crying, Hunk looked like he was going to be sick, Matt and Shiro both looked like they wanted to kill someone, and Lance... Lance looked like he’d just had his entire world pulled out from under him.

Keith couldn’t move. He didn’t know what he had just seen. Was it a memory? It had to be, but then why didn’t he “remember” it until he was reliving it with an audience? What did it mean?

Something touched his arm and Keith flinched, closing his eyes and instinctively bracing himself for whatever pain was going to come next.

“Keith?” Lance’s broken voice brought Keith back. When he opened his eyes and looked to Lance beside him, he noticed the hand still in the air. Lance had just tried to comfort him and that was how he reacted?

“I’m sorry!” Keith was shocked to hear his own voice break as he spoke. He only then realized he was crying. He watched as Lance slowly reached over and brushed a few tears off Keith’s cheeks.

Lance cautiously and carefully pulled Keith closer to him and into a tight embrace. “It’s okay. I’ve got you now, Keith. Nobody can hurt you anymore. I’m here.”

Keith couldn’t stop the tears or how his body trembled as his brain replayed the scene over and over again. Small details started to fill in the gaps, and he felt like he was back there in that cell being stabbed and tortured.

One by one, everyone huddled around Keith, whispering kind words and giving comforting touches. Lance held him tightly, tighter than he’d ever held Keith before. Keith felt himself shaking more and more as his body tried to process the flood of memories and feelings.

He gave up trying to be strong. He was so tired of holding it together.

Keith openly sobbed into Lance’s chest, while the rest of Team Voltron sat around him, giving him all the comfort they could.

Keith knew he was mumbling, but he couldn't stop repeating the same phrase, even when Lance told him again and again that he was okay.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I love Keith more than my life.  
> I just love Hurt Keith almost as much.
> 
> Also, did anyone catch the Hamilton reference??


	18. Sleepless Days

_Every time it gets better something goes wrong._

_The voices are right._

_I need to be stronger than this._

_I can’t hold them back anymore._

 

* * *

 

 

After the incident with the mind-melding tech, Keith retreated back into himself. Though they tried their best to hide it, the others couldn’t hide the pity and anger and other conflictions of emotions every time they saw him. He knew they didn’t mean it, but he hated this. He hated causing them more pain than they had already suffered because of him. They’d had to worry about him while he was missing, then when he was in the pod healing, and now that they’d gotten a glimpse inside his head…

Keith drove the blade of his bayard through the gladiator with a yell. When it disappeared, Keith stumbled, the momentum of his attack carrying him several unsteady steps forward. He regained his footing and held his sword back up with shaking arms. “Begin next training sequence.”

The gladiator reappeared and charged at Keith. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his blurred vision. By the time Keith could figure out where the bot was attacking from, it was too late for him to block the blow with his shield. Keith turned away, trying to dodge the long blade, but the gladiator’s sword sliced through his loose training clothes, cutting his left bicep and across his back.

Keith hissed in pain and dropped to a knee. The room was spinning and he was tired. He was so tired. Tired of hurting everyone, tired of the memories and nightmares that kept him from sleeping or eating or connecting with the team, tired of the whispers trailing through his mind day and night, telling him he was worthless, stupid, pathetic, detestable, insignificant, unimportant, alone—he was tired of being alone, but…nobody else could get hurt if he was alone.

“END TRAINING SEQUENCE!”

Keith turned in time to see the long sword about to strike him before the bot dissolved into the air. He blinked and stared at the space, mind trying to process what had happened. Someone was yelling at him across the room. What did he do now?

“Keith, what the hell are you doing? You’re going to get yourself killed!” Pidge rushed over to Keith, who was still kneeling on the ground with his bayard in one hand while blood stained the long sleeve of his other arm.

Keith met Pidge’s worry-filled eyes. His stomach sank. He’d messed up again. He’d scared Pidge. Keith dropped his head and stared at the red starting to stain his fingers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Pidge opened their mouth to respond but stopped short when they saw what Keith was looking at. “Keith, you’re bleeding! Where are you hurt?”

Pidge dropped to the ground in front of Keith, trying not to react when Keith flinched involuntarily at the sudden movement. Pidge bit their lip to stop the tears when they saw the dark red spreading across Keith’s shoulder and down his back. “Dammit, Keith, this is bad. What happened?”

Keith only shrugged. It took too much effort to respond. What did it matter anyway? It was all the same. He messed up again. He deserved this. They didn’t need him. He was weighing them down.

Pidge took his silence as enough of an answer. They pulled out their communicator from their pocket and pushed a button to open up a channel. “I need your help on the training deck. Keith’s hurt.” Pidge tucked the device away and took a deep breath. It killed them inside to see Keith like this. Pidge just wanted to destroy every last person that had done this to Keith, to make them feel even a fraction of the pain he was bottling up inside.

Keith stared blankly at his hands, wondering how they were so useless, wondering how he was so useless. He barely noticed when Pidge gently unwound his fingers from the handle of his bayard or when the doors to the training deck opened as someone came running in.

“I’ve got this. Thanks, Pidgey.”

Keith didn’t look up. He didn’t move.

When a hand gently cupped his face, he kept his gaze down and bit his lip. He knew that touch.

Keith wanted to stop hurting him.

Why did nobody understand?

Lance broke the silence, comfortingly running his thumb across Keith’s cheek. “Keith, babe. Please look at me.”

Keith slowly lifted his head up, his eyes plainly showing the tortured feelings inside. The pain he saw reflecting in Lance’s ocean eyes made him feel like he’d been stabbed in the gut. Lance deserved so much more than this. Lance shouldn’t have to feel this way. Lance shouldn’t have to deal with him. He loved Lance so much and he couldn’t bear to hurt him anymore.

Keith jolted out of his thoughts when Lance gently pressed his lips to Keith’s forehead, his other hand coming up to hold the other side of Keith’s face tenderly.

Keith couldn’t do anything but stare blankly ahead. He didn’t deserve Lance. He didn’t deserve his love.

“Hey, it’s okay, my love,” Lance whispered, brushing aside the tears making their way down Keith’s face.

Keith hadn’t even realized he was crying.

“Talk to me, please, Keith.”

Keith was still, save for the slight trembling and the tears running across his cheeks. When he finally spoke, it was barely audible, not even a true whisper.

“I’m tired, Lance.”

He waited for the mocking, the disappointment, the pain, the _something_ that was bound to come, but it never came. Instead, fingers laced in his hair and pulled him close, carefully avoiding his injuries.

“I know, Keith,” Lance mumbled into Keith’s hair with a kiss. “I know.”

They sat like that for several, long minutes, Lance holding Keith as the dark-haired boy quietly sobbed. If Keith noticed Lance’s tears falling into his hair, he didn’t say anything.

After a while, Keith grew quiet. Lance slowly pulled away and gently brushed away the moisture around Keith’s red-rimmed eyes with a soft smile.

“Let’s get you to the med bay,” Lance stood up and extended a hand to Keith. Keith reached up with his good hand and stood up, cradling his injured arm to his chest with a wince.

Hand-in-hand, Keith let Lance lead him out of the training room. They walked in silence, but Lance’s gentle and reassuring tugs on his fingers were more than enough.

The door to the medical bay opened automatically as they neared it—a modification they had made after they realized pushing the button to open the door wasted precious time when someone was hurt. Allura was inside, her back to the door, and she turned to see who was coming inside. She began to smile in greeting but stopped when she saw Keith’s blood-stained suit. Her eyes grew wide and she pursed her lips but didn’t say anything. She turned to clear a bed, gesturing for Keith to sit on it while she walked into the back room to grab some supplies.

Lance helped Keith sit down. Keith controlled his expression when Lance pulled off his shirt, but he knew the tightness in his face wouldn’t go by without Lance noticing.

Now that he was calmed down and his wound was hitting the open air, the full exhaustion and pain settled down on him, covering him like a heavy blanket. He could feel his eyes growing heavy, and if not for Lance’s hands on his chest and good shoulder he would have fallen over.

“Hey, are you okay?” Lance’s eyes were bright with worry. Keith blinked hard as he focused on Lance, watching as the blue eyes scanned his violet ones for answers.

“’m tired,” Keith slurred. Lance gently sat down on the bed next to Keith’s uninjured side, letting the boy lean on him.

“When’s the last time you slept?” Keith laid his head on Lance’s shoulder, his body visibly relaxing when Lance started running his fingers through his hair.

“A few days?” Keith shrugged, wincing when the movement pulled at his injury.

Lance sighed, but he didn’t sound disappointed. “Babe, you’ve gotta sleep. You’re going to keep getting yourself hurt if you don’t.”

Keith shook his head, his eyes closing as he mumbled over a yawn. “Can’t…nightmares keep me ‘wake.”

Keith smiled when Lance pressed a kiss to his forehead. He really loved Lance.

As Keith drifted asleep, he was faintly aware of Lance speaking to him.

“Sleep. I’ll protect you. No matter what.”

* * *

 

Allura walked back in just as Keith drifted off. She looked at Lance, who was holding onto Keith like he was afraid he might disappear.

Lance slowly moved so he could talk to Allura without jostling Keith too much. “Let’s patch him up while he’s asleep.” Lance carded his fingers through Keith’s hair again, relishing the feeling of the silky strands running across his fingers.

Lance held Keith while Allura cleaned the jagged wound starting on his arm and going across his back, ending just before his spine.

“What happened?” Allura quietly asked.

“He was fighting the gladiator again,” Lance bit his lip as he looked down at Keith. Every once in a while he would flinch in his sleep when Allura worked on the deepest parts of the cut, but he didn’t wake up. “If Pidge hadn’t walked in, it could have been a lot worse.”

“He’s lucky the sword missed his spinal column,” Allura ran a scanner across Keith’s body, checking for more damage. “If the cut had gone any farther…”

“I know. He hasn’t been sleeping and he just keeps training,” Lance said, voice dropping to a low whisper. “I don’t know what to do, Allura. I don’t know how to help him.” Lance’s voice cracked on the last words and his eyes shone with unshed tears.

Allura was quiet as she finished disinfecting Keith’s injury. She set aside the red-stained towels and spread an Altean healing gel over the cut.

“Doesn’t he need stitches or a pod or something?” Lance looked at Allura questioningly.

“In the data Pidge collected from that ship, there was a report detailing how Keith’s body, during his imprisonment, started to heal itself at an accelerated rate. The cut wasn’t as deep as it looked, so it should be nothing more than a scar within a few days.”

Lance looked at the cut for a long moment. “Does it hurt him?” He tilted his head up to meet Allura’s gaze. “Since he heals faster, wouldn’t that put more strain on his body and everything else?”

Allura sighed and pulled off the gloves she had been wearing. “Because the injury is not too serious, it will not cause much more discomfort than it normally would. But a larger wound in the future would most certainly be incredibly taxing on his body. The Galra are much stronger for their advanced healing capabilities, but it comes at a steep cost. Of course, their bodies are much more capable of handling damage than your human ones, so that would put Keith at another disadvantage.”

Lance chewed on the inside of his cheek as he listened to Allura. The hand not holding Keith traced patterns on his leg, one of his many tells of when his anxiety was getting worse.

Allura noticed. She stepped over and placed a hand on Lance’s to still the movement. Allura squeezed Lance’s hand reassuringly. “He’s going to get through this, Lance. We all will.” She released Lance’s hand and brushed Keith’s bangs away from his eyes. “Let him rest, and you get some sleep as well.”

Lance watched as Allura left the med bay, leaving him with a sleeping Keith. Carefully, Lance slid off the bed and pulled Keith into his arms, taking it slow to avoid aggravating his injury too much.

Keith didn’t move as Lance carried him out the door and down the hall to their bedroom. Pidge passed them in the hall, and Lance gave them a small smile. Pidge looked relieved to see Keith asleep and okay, at least for the time being.

Once inside their room, Lance carefully settled Keith onto the bed, taking the boy’s boots and belt off before kicking his own shoes off and crawling onto the other side of the bed. As soon as Lance was laying down next to Keith, the sleeping boy instinctively curled himself up closer to Lance. Lance wrapped an arm around Keith protectively, shaking his head in quiet laughter when he saw the small smile on Keith’s sleeping face.

He loved this boy so much. He would protect him, no matter what it took. They were going to get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been A MINUTE since I updated. Thank you guys for being patient and for waiting so long. I will not abandon this fic, or my other Klance one, but I cannot promise when I will be updating. This semester is taking a serious toll on me and my mental health, and it wasn't until last night that I could finally bring myself to start writing again. Hopefully, things get better, but until then please know I appreciate and love each and every one of you. Thank you all so much <3


	19. The Truth About Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD. So sorry for the wait, I'm The Worst™.

The throbbing pain of a healing wound dragged Keith up from unconsciousness. For a few terrifying seconds, he thought he was back in his cell, recovering from another session with the witch. His breath hitched and he opened his eyes slowly, unsure what he would see.

The familiar, dimmed lights of his room were the first thing to bring him back to the present. But what made it really all come together was the warmth radiating off the other person in the bed.

Lance.

Keith smiled as he turned his head to look at the boy beside him. Lance was asleep and his mouth was slightly open as soft breaths made their way in and out.

Keith wanted to kiss him.

He tried to roll over, but stopped short with a sharp gasp of pain. Lance jolted awake at the sound and quickly sat up.

“Are you okay, Keith? What’s wrong?”

Keith smiled again softly at Lance’s concern. He was so lucky. He loved this boy so much.

“I’m fine, it’s just my back…” Keith trailed off as he slowly remembered fighting the gladiator and getting his ass handed to him. “Wow, that was really stupid.”

Lance chuckled and laid back down, turning onto his side to face Keith. “Yeah, just a little. We’re all a little stupid out here sometimes, though.”

Knowing what to expect, Keith braced himself and rolled onto his uninjured side so he was facing Lance. He let out a slow breath as his muscles adjusted to the new position. He could feel his injury had mostly healed together while he was out, but it still hurt like hell. Now that he was facing his lover, Keith tilted his head up so he could kiss the corner of the taller boy’s smile before burying his face in Lance’s shirt and tucking his head under the security of Lance’s chin.

Lance carefully wrapped one arm around Keith and moved the other so he could play with Keith’s hair. He knew how much Keith loved having his hair played with, even if he would rather face an angry swarm of bees than admit it to anyone outside the confines of their bedroom.

The two quietly laid with each other, taking in the quiet and softness of the moment.

“I thought I was back there when I woke up,” Keith murmured. “It was just for a second, but it still sucked.” Keith shivered as he spoke, and Lance kissed the top of his head.

“I’ll never let anything like that happen to you ever again, Keith.”

“I know, and I know it’ll probably all be okay…” Keith trailed off.

“But?”

Keith sighed. “It just feels like it’s not getting any better. For every bit of progress there’s a huge setback and it’s like I’m right back where we started.”

Lance pulled Keith closer. “You can’t blame yourself for any of that. You know that, right?”

“I know, Lance,” Keith pushed himself away from Lance so he could meet his eyes. “I know, and I keep telling myself that it’ll get better and that progress isn’t easy and patience yields focus and you’re here keeping me sane but…dammit, Lance, I feel like I’m missing a part of me and no matter how much I try or train or think, I can’t get it back.” Keith’s eyes burned, but he didn’t drop his gaze. Lance would know how he really felt anyway.

“Part of me is still locked in that fucking cell, Lance. I’m still there, rotting away and being tortured and dying and it _hurts._ It hurts, Lance, and I don’t know what to do.” Keith’s voice broke, as did the fragile barrier keeping his tears at bay. “I just want to feel okay again, but I, I don’t even know what ‘okay’ is anymore. All I can feel is this burning emptiness everywhere inside me, and it keeps taking more and more of me. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“Hey, it’s okay, babe,” Lance sat up and pulled a crying Keith into his lap, cradling the smaller boy in his arms. “I know exactly who you are and I love you so, so much. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know, and I know it’s terrifying and you feel so out of control and helpless, but you aren’t. Keith, you are so much more than you think you are.”

“But…but, Lance, what if I’m never the person I was before? I’m already so much different, I hardly recognize myself! How can you say any of that? I keep you up almost every night with my nightmares, sometimes I forget I’m here and not there, I keep hurting myself…wouldn’t it be easier if you just forgot all about me and moved on?” Keith cried even harder as he forced the words out. “You deserve so much more than this, Lance. I can’t keep holding you back! I’m a burden to you and the team and it’s only goi—”

Keith cut off abruptly when he felt something wet fall onto his forehead. Looking up, he saw the tears streaming down Lance’s face. Lance covered his mouth with a hand, barely holding in a sob.

“I could never leave you, Keith. Never.” Lance smile radiated pure adoration, even through the tears clouding his eyes and the quivering of his lips as he struggled not to cry harder. “I love you, no matter what, and I will never leave you or give up on you, on us. You are my everything, Keith. I married you, not because you are strong or a good pilot or a valuable member of this team, but because I love **you.** The real you.

“I love waking up next to you every day. I love your messy hair in the mornings and the messy way you brush your teeth while you’re still yawning and half asleep. I love your laugh and your small smiles. I love the way you crinkle your nose when you are thinking hard,” Lance kissed the tip of Keith’s nose as he spoke. “Just like you are right now.” Keith let out a small laugh, heavy with every emotion racing through his body.

“Keith, I love your bond with Red and how you would probably do just about anything for any of us. I love every scar on your body, new and old. I love the little things you do for people without expecting anything out of it. I love that you proposed to me in the middle of a fight. I love that one day I will get to take you home to my family. Keith, I love you so much, and I will spend each and every day making sure you know you are loved and you are important and you are **you.** You don’t have to be anything else. Shit, you don’t even have to know who you are, all you’ve gotta do is exist and it’s enough for me.” Keith was sobbing into Lance’s chest, clinging to him tighter than he’d ever held onto him before.

“And you know what else, Keith? I would get in Blue and take that hit for you, that one that started this all, again and again, if it meant I could spend the rest of my life by your side. I love you, Keith. I love you so much more than you will ever know.”

Keith let his tears keep falling, letting loud sobs shake his body as he let it all go. He didn’t know what he did to deserve Lance, but he knew he would endure any pain to keep Lance safe and by his side.

Keith rubbed his face dry when the tears stopped falling. He looked up at Lance and smiled, earning a smile in return, one that was brighter than the sun. Come to think of it, Lance was Keith’s sun. Lance was his everything. Keith wrapped his arms around Lance’s neck and pulled him down for a long, slow kiss. He’d never been good with words, but he knew he could show Lance how he felt. He loved Lance more than he’d ever thought was possible. His purpose in life was to make sure Lance, the boy who gave all he had to everyone else, knew his own worth and importance. They were galaxies from Earth, but Voltron still had a sun warming all their lives each and every day. Keith was lucky enough to call him his husband, the love of his life.

Keith kissed Lance harder and pushed him down onto the bed. Breakfast could wait a little longer. Hell, saving the universe could wait. Keith had a boy to love, and he wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: the Epilogue. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking around and waiting over a month for an update. It's been so hard to write this because I needed it to end right, and finally this chapter wrote itself. 
> 
> If you have any burning questions or any massive plot holes I've forgotten about after going AWOL and writing several other fics (so sorry), please talk to me! Leave a comment or follow me on [tumblr](http://midnightruse.tumblr.com/) !


	20. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy quiznak, guys. I'm back?
> 
> I'm so sorry to have left you for like...two months...
> 
> Long story short, my mental health took a turn for the worse, school started up again and got crazy, my personal life is falling apart, I'm falling apart a little?? But I'm here. And I'm going to finish this damn fic if it kills me. I hope you enjoy as "Unexpected Wishes" comes to a close <3

“Are you ready?”

Lance let out a shaky breath, running trembling fingers through the long hair falling over his shaved sides as he looked at himself in the mirror. “I’ve only been waiting seven years for this day, why wouldn’t I be ready?” He didn’t bother trying to cover up the nervous laughter bubbling around his words.

Keith gently grabbed Lance’s fingers between his own and pressed them to his lips with a chaste kiss. He looked at Lance through their reflections in the mirror. “It’s okay to be nervous. And a little scared.”

“You aren’t though!”

Keith laughed and shook his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. I’m downright terrified to meet them.” Before Lance’s concerned words could leap from his tongue, Keith cut him off. “NOT because I don’t want to, believe me, I do. It’s just … I don’t know,” Keith dropped Lance’s hands to fix his own hair, pulling the top portion into a messy half-bun, his trademark look now that his hair had grown into a more “acceptable” length for Lance to stop calling it a mullet.

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Keith,” Lance turned toward his fiancé, eyes serious yet full of adoration. “What isn’t there to like? They are going to love you, no matter what. Trust me.” Lance leaned down, pulling Keith in for a kiss.

“Hey, are you two lovebirds almost – GOD WHY!?” Pidge came to a sudden stop, throwing their hands over their eyes in a dramatic fashion.

“Hey Pidgey, we all ready to go?” Lance said, faux ignorance dripping off his lazy grin.

“Yes,” Pidge growled, turning around to make a point not to look at the two. “If this is what I get for trying to be helpful, count me out next time, okay? I can’t go anywhere in this castle without running into someone making out, I swear.”

“Just because you’re our Space Ace doesn’t mean the rest of us — ”

“Nope, not having this discussion,” Pidge said, cutting off Keith. “I have always and will forever find PDA, especially when conducted by a certain Red and Blue Paladin, to be exhaustible and foul to be around.” Pidge turned back around to give the boys a mischievous look, ponytail bouncing over an intricate design shaved into their undercut. “And don’t think that not being on the same ship means I won’t know every detail of this trip that could be used for blackmail in the future.” They turned back around and made their way out the door. “See ya nerds in five! Don’t be late, or ‘Lura might strangle the both of you.”

After a moment of silence, Keith and Lance broke out into laughter. They smiled at each other, reading the thoughts of the other in the way only soulmates can.

It was time.

They were finally going home.

__

Seven years.

It had been seven years since they’d left Earth.

They’d passed through their home galaxy once or twice, but they’d never gone too close to Earth’s atmosphere. They knew they couldn’t go back, not until the war was over and the Galra Empire finally came crashing down. They couldn’t rest, not even for a while. If they had, Earth could have finally gotten caught up in their hell, and then…they tried not to think about that too much.

But it was finally over. It had taken seven long years, but they had finally won. Voltron had won. They could finally go home.

They all knew they couldn’t stay there forever, though. After all they’d been through, they really did not think they would even want to. There was so much more out there to explore, so many more planets and people to help. Peace could only last so long, and they knew it wouldn’t be too long before Voltron would be needed to piece things back together again.

Now was not the time to think of such things.

Now was the time they’d all been dreaming of.

 

__

Lance was practically bouncing up and down in his seat. Allura had just opened the wormhole to Earth, and nobody could contain what they were feeling.

Excited. Nervous. Anxious. Scared.

After a brief moment and a flash of light, the familiar blue, white and green planet filled the front screens. A collective intake of breath. Misty eyes. Quickening heart beats.

“I forgot how beautiful she is,” Lance whispered. Standing behind his chair, Keith comfortingly placed a hand on Lance’s shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Keith?” Lance didn’t take his eyes off Earth as he spoke, voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, babe?”

“What if…what if they forgot about me?”

Rather than answering, Keith swung a leg across Lance and sat so he was straddling the Blue paladin. He took Lance’s face in his hands and pressed a soft kiss on his lips. “Nobody could ever forget about you.”

Lance smiled, but the anxiety within showed itself in his wavering eyes. “It’s been seven years, Keith. They’ve probably moved on by now. What if they hate me for not coming back all this time or, or they don’t like who I am now, or what if—”

“Lance,” Keith interrupted. “Just breathe.” Lance closed his eyes and took a deep breath, holding it for several seconds before exhaling. “Good. Now, look at me and listen. Your family loves you, and they’ve missed you like crazy and they are going to be as happy to see you as you are to see them. Yes, you’ve changed, but they are going to love you, no matter what. That’s what families do, remember? No matter how long you were gone or what happened on Earth while you were gone, they are still and will forever be _tu familia_. Okay?”

Lance smiled, genuinely this time, and he pulled Keith close to his chest. “You’re perfect, you know that?” He readjusted Keith so he was sitting sideways on Lance’s lap. Keith laid there, head resting on Lance’s chest, as Allura started their descent through Earth’s atmosphere.

 

__

“Lance, you have to knock or open the door or something,” Keith teased, squeezing Lance’s hand reassuringly.

“I know, I know. It’s just…”

“Just nothing. You trust me, right?” Lance nodded. “Good, then trust me on this.”

Lance took a deep breath and then, with the hand not slowly crushing Keith’s, and quickly knocked on the old, wooden door before them. They could hear the chaotic noises of a child-filled home from outside, and from somewhere far within the house, a woman yelled, “¡ _Uno momento por favor!”_

Lance gasped, his eyes already filling up with tears. “That’s my _mamá.”_

Keith couldn’t hide the smile on his own face. He hadn’t felt this type of pure happiness from Lance in a long time.

The two froze at the sound of footsteps and the doorknob turning.

The door opened, revealing an older, short Cuban woman. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun, strands of the brown curls falling around her face and down the back of her neck. She wore an apron around her waist, and flour-handprints stained the faded blue fabric. At the sight of the two young men on her doorstep, her brows furrowed for an instant, but as her eyes locked with Lance’s, her hands flew up to her mouth and a small gasp passed through her lips.

Lance nervously ran a hand through his hair, but his eyes didn’t leave his mother’s, even as the built-up tears started to silently fall. “ _Hola mamá.”_

Lance’s mother reached out a trembling hand, and she began to cry when her fingers touched her son’s cheek. Proof that he was real. “Lance?”

“It’s really me, _mamá._ I’m sorry I—”

Lance was cut off as his mother’s strong arms grabbed him tight and crushed him to her chest. “Lance, my baby, you’re finally home.” As she started sobbing, as did Lance, the noises within the house became quiet.

The smallest of the McClain children made his way to the door first, stopping short at the sight of his aunt sobbing next to two strange boys with scars and strange clothes. It didn’t take long before a young girl, around 16, peaked her head around the door and froze. “Who…Lance?”

Lance looked up and a new wave of tears fell from his eyes. His mother let him go, but kept a hand on his arm, as if she was afraid he’d disappear again if she stepped too far away. “Lydia, you’re all grown up now.”

Lydia shook her head in disbelief, a huge smile on her face. She pushed the door open the rest of the way and yelled as she literally jumped at Lance. “LANCE!” Lance caught her effortlessly and spun her around, laughing.

Several people pushed through the open door, some in their 20s and 30s, and even more in their teens and younger. It didn’t take but a moment of Lydia’s yelling of Lance’s name over and over again for the whole McClain family to realize what was happening. Within seconds, Lance had disappeared under a chaotic family embrace full of yelling, laughter, and many, many tears.

Amidst the chaos, Keith had taken several steps back to avoid being attacked in the emotional embrace. He could see Lance’s face through the mass of siblings and cousins, and Keith couldn’t stop smiling. He knew he made Lance happy, but this? Lance’s family was his everything. This moment, right now, was why they’d fought for so long. It was surreal.

Keith couldn’t believe, even after all the years, how in love he was with this silly blue boy, and now with his huge family.

A rough hand on his shoulder startled Keith out of his thoughts. Lance’s mom stood in front of him, having left the crying mass of people surrounding Lance.

“Don’t think you can get away without introducing yourself, young man.” Keith didn’t think he’d ever seen a face so kind.

“OH! _Mamá_ ,” Lance broke his way free, practically jumping over toward Keith. Lance grabbed Keith’s hand, blushing slightly as he did. “This is Keith. He’s been with me all this time, which I’ll explain, I promise, but we were at the Garrison together before, but we weren’t friends because he was so good at everything and I pretended to hate him for it, but then we were stuck in space together with the other Paladins, and I finally realized I had a crush on him the whole time and we started dating and then now he’s – well,” Lance held up his left hand, the one with the black ring inlaid with Altean script and tiny sapphires and rubies along the edges, a match to the one on Keith’s ring finger. “He’s my other half, _mamá_ , and I know you are all going to love him just as much as I do.”

Lance’s mother wasted no time before wrapping Keith up in a tight hug. “Welcome to the family, Keith. “Keith froze for a moment, unprepared for the sudden contact, but soon melted into her touch. He’d never known a mother’s embrace. Now he understood why it was all Lance could ever talk about when he was missing home.

Lance’s mother pulled back and rested a hand on each of the boys’ shoulders. “You two have a lot of explaining to do, but not before you eat.” She smiled warmly at the two. “Come inside and clean up while I finish making dinner.”

The small army of McClain’s surrounded the boys as they walked inside the house, asking questions and demanding answers. Where had they been? When did they meet? Why hadn’t they come home sooner? Did they almost die? Where did those scars come from? Where did Keith come from? Where was his family? Were they abducted by aliens?

Keith and Lance laughed at that one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got one more chapter for y'all: The Epilogue. If all goes as planned, it will be up within the week. I've got some cute fluff planned, so stay tuned. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for supporting me and for reading my work. It keeps me going and it means the world <3


	21. Epilogue — Unexpected Wishes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue you have all been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here. The epilogue.  
> (Also, a quick shoutout to @simplyessa for coining my favorite Keith nickname "Space Cat" which I stole briefly because I have a lot of feelings about it)
> 
> *Excuse the lack of editing. I wanted to get this up as soon as possible for you all <3 Maybe I will come back and edit it. Maybe not.
> 
> ENJOY.

Keith stared up at the ceiling, eyes blinking in the darkness while he mentally traced the constellations made up of the tiny glow-in-the-dark stars Lance had found one day when cleaning out some old boxes from his mother’s house.

 _Perseus. Canis Major. Vulpecula. Circinus. Equuleus. Draco. Piscis Austrinus._ The twelve zodiacs. The big and little dipper.

Listing off the names of the stars helped calm Keith down when he was anxious and overwhelmed. Sometimes, when he really couldn’t fall asleep, he’d listen to the soft sounds of Lance’s breathing next to him while listing off the stars once, twice, sometimes three times. He would silently recite the history behind them all before making up legends of his own.

_Volans. Pictor. Ophiuchus. Leo. Reticulum._

Lance shifted beside him in bed, turning in his sleep to curl up against Keith. Keith pulled his gaze from the stars to look at Lance. He smiled, running his fingers softly through Lance’s soft hair.

He loved Lance so much.

They’d been through so much together. They’d fought in the Garrison for several years before finding the Blue Lion and getting stuck in space with the rest of the Paladins. Lance sacrificed himself to save Keith from being obliterated, and then it was Lance who put Keith back together after he was tortured by Haggar – an event that still left Keith waking up from nightmares, sweat and tears covering his face as he frantically looked at his hands, praying to not find the blood staining his fingers moments before. The years spent together in space, fighting side by side while their love for one another grew and grew. The time Lance was poisoned during a diplomatic meeting for the Coalition, and the days Keith laid next to Lance’s unconscious body, waiting for the fever to break or any sign his love was going to be okay. The day Allura told the Paladins they were finally going home. Lance’s face the moment he realized he was going to see his Earth family again. Lance introducing Keith to his family, telling them how they fell in love, when they were engaged, the space wedding the team held only a week before they’d brought peace to the universe.

The wedding.

Keith’s hand stiffened in Lance’s hair as the anxiety flooded back through his veins.

Tomorrow they were getting married. Earth married. “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband” married.

He didn’t know why he was so nervous. Technically they already were married. Keith loved Lance, and he knew Lance loved him back just as much, so why…

Keith groaned and dropped his hand over his eyes. He just needed to get to sleep so it would be morning and they could get on with the Big Day.

“Wha’s wron babe?” Lance slurred, eyes only half opened as he looked at Keith.

Instead of responding, Keith yawned, the hours of staring at the ceiling catching up to him before he could say anything else.

Lance giggled, a little more awake now, and nestled up closer to Keith. “You looked like a cat.”

“I do not.”

“You do. When you yawn, your nose crinkles up and you look like a freaking cat, Keith.” Lance giggled again. “You’re a space cat.” Giggles became full-blown laughter, the kind that only late-night conversations bring out in people.

Keith shook his head and smiled, his heart full and warm with Lance laughing next to him.

Keith rolled onto his side so he was lying eye-to-eye with Lance now. Keith closed the small gap between them and placed a kiss on the corner of Lance’s mouth. They stayed there for a long moment, smiles pressed against each other in the darkness of their room.

It was eventually Lance who pulled back, just enough so he could see Keith’s expression. “What were you thinking about?”

Keith’s smile immediately dropped into a small pout. “It’s stupid.”

“Nothing you think is stupid, Keith,” Lance was sincere, love and adoration pouring out as he wrapped his arms around Keith and held him tight. “You can talk to me about anything, no matter how unimportant you think it is.”

Keith relished the feeling of Lance’s secure embrace. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but…

“It’s tomorrow. I know it isn’t a big deal, but something about it all is just making me go crazy.” Keith absent-mindedly traced lazy circles along Lance’s arms as he spoke, something about feeling Lance’s skin grounding him and allowing him to voice the worries in his head. “It’s not that I don’t want to have the wedding because, believe me, I do, I want to be married to you in every damn aspect of the word, but … I just … I don’t know Lance, I feel like everything is just going too good, you know? Like tomorrow is everything we, everything I have ever wanted, and I just feel like something has to go wrong or I am going to mess everything up.”

Silence met Keith’s words. He waited. Waited for Lance to confirm his fears, for Lance to say all of this was a huge mistake. He waited for his worst fear to come true – for him to suddenly wake up and find this was all a vision created by Haggar, and that he was still captive, that he was never going to see Lance again.

“Babe,” Lance’s voice was so gentle, it bruised Keith’s heart. There was no way he deserved kindness like this. “Please look at me.”

Keith looked up, blinking back the sharp stinging in his eyes. He all but melted in Lance’s gaze, the blue eyes so, completely pulling him in and holding him close. Forever a silent promise to keep him safe, no matter what.

Lance smiled, reaching out a hand to brush Keith’s bangs away from his face. “I love you so much, Keith. You,” Lance sighed as he continued to run his fingers through Keith’s hair, twisting the black strands around his fingers. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The last few years? They were crazy. Bad things happened. A lot of bad things, but do you want to know the truth, Keith?

“I’d go through it all over again if it meant I got to spend the rest of my life waking up next to you.”

Keith’s bottom lip wasn’t trembling. His vision couldn’t be blurry. His cheeks were definitely not a little wet.

Lance laughed, softly and sadly but it was so full of comfort. “I’m serious Keith. I love you so much it hurts, and sometimes I feel like my heart is going to split in two because I want to give you everything – I want to give you the entire universe, but even that wouldn’t be enough to show you just how much I love you, Keith Kogane.”

Keith stopped pretending he wasn’t crying after that. Lance pulled him closer, if that was even possible, and held him tightly. He hummed the same Spanish lullaby he often sang Keith when the boy was having nightmares and couldn’t sleep, the same song his mom sang to him when he was a child and afraid of the monsters under the bed.

“What would I do without you?” Keith whispered.

Lance smirked. “You’d probably still have a damn mullet.”

Keith pushed himself up on the bed to get a better look at Lance, a cute pout already forming on his lips. “It wasn’t a — you know what, fine. Call it a mullet, a fashion disaster, a crime to humanity, whatever.” He sat up and stretched his arms above his head, sighing as his muscles loosened up after lying down for so long. “You’re the one who fell in love with it.” Keith grinned and slid off the bed, bending down to grab the shirt he’d tossed on the floor the night before.

Lance didn’t answer, he was too busy admiring how Keith’s sweats hugged his ass, _sweet Jesus that boy was fine,_ and it wasn’t until he realized Keith was waiting for a response until a decent amount of time had passed. Too much time to deny Keith’s claim. _Oh well._

“Where ya going? Don’t you want to cuddle for a little longer?” Lance stretched over the bed, trying to grab at Keith, who was pulling a shirt over his head.

Keith swatted Lance’s hands away and pulled his hair into a messy ponytail, stray pieces immediately falling around his face.

“I’ve gotta get out of here before Shiro and Hunk realize we’ve been together all night.” At Lance’s confused look, Keith laughed. “Come on, Lance, you know it’s bad luck to see your groom the day of your wedding.” Keith softly kissed Lance goodbye before walking out the door.

The next seven hours couldn’t come fast enough.

 

-

 

The ceremony was perfect.

Lance had been adamant that they get married on the beach.

Keith didn’t care, so long as at the end of the night, Lance was really, truly his, forever and ever.

Soft wisps of baby’s breath were tucked around bouquets of red and blue Amaryllis on tables, and sitting around them were Lance’s family members and a few of his and Keith’s friends from across the universe. There wasn’t a dry eye on the beach that morning, and the boys hadn’t even said: “I do.”

Lance stood at the altar, Hunk, and Pidge by his side. Coran stood behind him, entirely thrilled the Red and Blue Paladin had asked him to ordain their Earth wedding. On the other side stood Allura, who was beaming at Lance.

He didn’t even have to smile back. The smile on his face hadn’t left since Keith kissed him earlier that morning. It didn’t leave when he got up and showered and completed his rigorous skin routine. It didn’t leave when he ate a light breakfast with Hunk and Pidge, or when he put on his light grey tux and baby blue tie, or when his mamá pinned a red flower to his lapel. All he could think about was Keith. How much he loved him and cherished him. How much he wanted to prove to Keith how much he was worth. How much Keith meant to him.

As if on cue, Keith appeared at the end of the aisle, Shiro escorting him as music played softly all around them.

Shiro looked fabulous, per usual, but Keith … Lance could already feel his eyes prickling with the start of the tears he knew he would have no control of today.

Keith wore a tightly fitted black tux and a deep red tie. His hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, and the pieces framing his face softly accentuated his features. A blue flower was pinned to his chest, his eyes were shining, and his smile — his smile lit up the beach. His eyes met Lances, and in that instant, they both knew they were home.

 

-

 

In all his excitement, Lance forgot how nervous he was about giving his vows.

He knew he shouldn’t be nervous. There was nothing to be nervous about, but … he just wanted this moment to be perfect. It had to be.

When the time came, Lance took Keith’s in his own. All it took was one glance at the smile never leaving Keith’s lips for Lance to forget his anxieties.

Life would always be perfect with this man by his side.

Lance took a deep breath.

 

“Keith, my love, you are my everything. Without you, I do not know how I would have made it through the last eight years. To be completely honest, I probably would not still be alive if not for you.

“The thing is, I’ve always been chasing after you. The first day I saw your scores at the Garrison, I knew I had to figure out who you were; I had to figure out what made you so special. I wanted to be that special, that great, that talented. When I finally met you, all the ideas I had of you, all the rumors? They disappeared.

“You were sitting outside in the shade of one of the big trees in the middle of the quad. You had your eyes closed. I thought you were asleep at first, and you looked so small, like a big gust of wind could have come through the grounds and swept you away with the Autumn leaves. I thought you were asleep, but then you opened your eyes and looked up at the sky through the leaves and you just … you looked so lonely, like the world had shut you out.”

Lance smiled as he looked into Keith’s misty eyes.

“I knew right then that no matter what it took, I would make sure you knew how much you meant to the world — how much you meant to me.

“I don’t know if I would have ever gotten the courage to finally ask you out if we hadn’t ended up stranded in space, doing the whole saving-the-universe thing. And if there’s one thing I am thankful for, after everything we’ve been through? It’s you.

“It’s the small moments we had here and there — remembered or forgotten —” Lance added with a laugh, still finding it funny how ticked Keith got that Lance didn’t remember the original Bonding Moment™. “The bad times where I missed my family and you would find me, sad and staring up at the unfamiliar planets and stars, and you just stood there in silence, letting me know it I wasn’t alone and that one day we would make it back. Back when I took that hit in Blue and we both almost died and again when you were taken and gone for so long. Keith, I knew I loved you before then, we were engaged so of course I was, but I’d never known what it was like to really lose a part of myself until I lost you. When you were gone, I told myself I would never let you out of my sight once I got you back. You don’t make that part easy sometimes, but Keith, I’ll be damned if I don’t get to spend the rest of this existence by your side. You’re my other half. _Mi amor_ in every sense of the word. I love you, Keith, and I will never stop loving you and proving to you, each and every day, that you are so much more than you think you are.”

Lance took a deep breath as he finished, not missing the single tear making its way down Keith’s face. He reached forward and brushed it off gently with the side of his hand, his thumb grazing Keith’s temple comfortingly.

 _Thank you_ , Keith mouthed.

The wedding party and guests clapped, more than a few wiping their eyes dry.

Keith’s hands shook in Lance’s. He never did like this public speaking stuff, but for Lance? He’d do anything.

“Lance,” Keith’s eyes softened, love pouring out of every inch of his being. Lance beamed back at him, causing Keith to giggle and whisper a little “hi,” to everyone’s amusement.

He took a steadying breath, trying to calm his nerves. Lance’s fingers tightened around his own. Lance was the only one who could ground him. Keith focused on their intertwined hands before him, loving, as always, how Lance’s hands fit perfectly in his. They were made for each other.

“I never thought I was capable of love. Growing up, I never saw it. I found couples infuriating, knowing their infatuation was merely that — short-lived and quick to burn out. I told myself I would never fall in love. What was the point? Everyone left, in the end.

“And then I met you. You were everything I was not, and I hated that. You were popular, funny, kind — you’d known love and you loved the world with everything you had. You were the sun, Lance. You looked at me and I was blinded.

“You’re the one thing I never regret, Lance. You’re the reason I wake up every morning, ready to try a new day. You got me through the worst days of my life. You were the only reason I made it out alive, the only reason why I kept fighting this war even when I didn’t know what was real and what existed only in my head. I’ve never understood how why you chose me, how I got so lucky to wake up every day next to the most blinding, brilliant, warm creature in the universe. I still don’t believe it sometimes.

“You taught me to break down my walls. You showed me how to laugh and put the world on hold. You made me believe in miracles, in hoping, in a future. Without you, I wouldn’t be back on Earth right now. I probably wouldn’t have ever seen this side of the war. But you taught me how to love myself, and you proved to me that falling in love was possible. I never believed I was capable of being loved — I never was as a kid, so I didn’t let myself fall into wishful thinking. Who could love me? I was an orphan, an outsider, a loner. I was a troublemaker, I was violent, I hurt everything I touched. I was the enemy, part Galra. I didn’t deserve to be loved. But you…” Keith’s voice cracked and he looked up with a tear-stricken face, only to realize Lance was all but sobbing as he smiled at Keith and gripped his hands even tighter. “You loved me when nobody else did. You’re the only reason I am alive, for so many reasons, and you are the reason I will keep on living, keep fighting, for the rest of my days. I will fight for us forever. I will fight for you and for our future. Lance, I will remain by your side forever more, as long as you will have me. I love you, Lance. You are my sun, my stars, my everything.”

When they kissed, the world all but stopped spinning, just for a moment, as the two became one, each whispering the other’s name between breaths.

_I love you._

 

\--

 

“Lance, we are going to be late if you don’t hurry up!” Keith yelled toward the long hallway from the kitchen. He pulled the black leather bag off its hook by the front door and grabbed some fruit snack wrappers out of the front pocket, tossing them in the garbage can as he walked by. Keith opened the pantry door and grabbed a handful of snacks out of the appropriately labeled “SNACKS” container. He tossed a few water bottles and juice pouches in after them before zipping up the pocket. The other side was still stocked — it was Lance who’d eaten the snacks when they went to the grocery store yesterday.

“Lance, I swear, I will throw you under the bus when everyone yells at us for being late again,” Keith tucked a piece of stray hair behind his ear, one of the many that refused to stay tied up in his ponytail. Keith slung the bag over his shoulder before bending down to retie the laces on his boots.

Loud, quick stomps had Keith looking up as tiny converse made their way down the hall, slightly off-balance but unafraid in the way only toddlers walked. Keith looked up with a huge smile, arms already stretched out wide to catch the giggling two-year-old in his arms.

“Hello, my love,” Keith picked the little girl up, spinning her around in his arms several times as she laughed. Her black hair was in two ponytails, but a few pieces had already escaped and hung loosely around her face, a stark contrast to her pale skin. He could hear Lance running down the hall.

“Shit, Keith do you have Aliana?” Lance skidded around the corner, socks sliding across the hardwood floor.

“Faster, Papá, faster!” A five-year-old boy clung to Lance’s tall frame, arms wrapped around Lance’s neck tightly as he yelled in Lance’s ear.

“Lance, watch your language around Mateo, he’s picking up on way too many colorful phrases thanks to you,” Keith tried to hold back a smile as Aliana nodded in his arms, recognizing Keith’s tone and silently scolding Lance.

Keith shifted Aliana onto his hip and walked over to Lance, reaching out an arm to pull the Latino child off Lance’s back. “Come on, Mateo, go get your shoes on so we can go.”

Keith watched as the boy ran off back to his bedroom to grab his light-up tennis shoes (his favorite since they looked cool and they were Velcro, which meant he didn’t have to wait for his dads to tie them). With the hand not holding onto Aliana, Keith grabbed Lance around his waist and pulled him close for a kiss.

“I thought we were on a time constraint?” Lance smirked.

“I’ve always got time for you, my love,” Keith kissed him again. Before they could break apart, two tiny, warm hands grabbed Keith and Lance’s cheeks. Keith turned back to her, his own face lighting up at the joy written all over her smile and eyes.

“She fits into our family so well, Keith,” Lance put his hand over Aliana’s, gently squeezing her fingers. “I love her so much and we’ve only had her a week.”

Before Keith could respond, stomping down the hall signaled Mateo had gotten his shoes on and was making sure they lit up with every step toward the door. Keith and Lance shared a look and laughed.

They’d gotten so lucky with adopting Mateo from Cuba when he was only three months old. He’d grown up loved and spoiled by two dads who loved him, possibly even more than they loved each other. It wasn’t too many years until Keith and Lance started looking for another child to adopt. Their agent at the adoption agency told them almost a year ago about a little girl in Korea, but it had taken months to get her paperwork sorted out and even more before the country had let Keith and Lance officially adopt Aliana. Their children were more than Keith and Lance could have ever dreamed of raising, and they made every single day worth living more and more.

“Let’s go!” Mateo jumped by the front door, admiring the way his shoes reflected off the floors and walls.

Lance laughed and picked Mateo up, throwing him into the air and catching the giggling boy. He turned and looked to Keith and Aliana, who was falling asleep on his shoulder, smiling as he put Mateo back down and grabbed the car keys hanging next to the door.

“Do we have everything?” Lance grabbed Mateo’s hand as he unlocked the door.

Keith shifted the bag back a little more, making sure it wasn’t going to fall off his arm as he carried his daughter to the car. “Yep! Let’s get out of here, before Pidge yells at us for keeping the kids away from them too long.”

Lance held the door open for Keith and locked it behind them before they walked to their car parked in the driveway outside the house. “I still cannot get over how good Pidge is with kids,” Lance shook his head, laughing a little to himself.

Keith bucked Aliana into her car seat and made sure the straps were tight while Lance bucked Mateo into his booster seat on the other side of the car. “Honestly, I’m convinced they are just turning all our kids into little minions. One day Pidge will come after all of us with our kids as their weapons.” He shut the back door and climbed into the driver’s seat. Lance tossed him the keys before getting in on his side.

“You’re probably right,” Lance turned around to look at Mateo. “Who do you love more, us or Pidge?”

“Lance—” Keith sighed, looking in the rearview mirror as he backed out of the driveway.

Mateo didn’t hesitate in giving his answer. “I love Pidgey-Pidge! I love Daddy and Papá too, but Pidgey is best!”

Lance’s jaw dropped in shock. “I’ve been betrayed! By my own son!”

Before Lance’s theatrics could proceed, Keith pushed a button on the steering wheel and some classic rock music started playing through the speakers.

“Keith! This is serious!” Lance flung his hands around, but Keith shook his head, feigning confusion and speaking much louder over the music than necessary.

“What’s that? I, uh, you’re cutting out, I can’t hear you.”

“Oh, really funny Samurai, just,” Lance spoke louder with each word as Keith proceeded to turn the music up, little by little, much to their kids’ amusement. “Just keep turning your music up, that’s fine, I don’t, ugh!” Lance threw himself against his seat and crossed his arms.

 _He’s so cute when he pouts,_ Keith thought as he smiled.

Mateo laughed at his parents, understanding that Keith was teasing Lance. Aliana laughed beside him, laughing because her big brother was laughing, so it must be something funny.

After a minute of Lance’s silence, Keith cracked a smile and quirked an eyebrow, keeping his eyes on the road as he reached for one of Lance’s hands. He laced his fingers around Lance’s and brought them to his lips, placing a tender kiss on the spaces where their fingers met. “You’d better stop pouting, or else the other kids will gang up on you with Pidge once we get to Shiro’s. The whole gang will be there, so you might have a fighting chance if you win some of our nieces and nephews over for the day.”

Lance perked up at that, sitting up in his seat quickly as if he was coming up with a game plan right then and there. He turned back around to Mateo, pointing at the kid with a mischievous grin. “You’re going down today, mister. Believe it.”

Keith snorted. “Okay, Naruto.”

Lance opened his mouth in mock-offense. “What is that _tone_ , good sir? Are you insinuating something negative about our lord and savior, Naruto Uzumaki, because if you are, I am going to have to ask you to please pull over, so we can continue this discussion in a less civil manner. I mistakenly left my shuriken at home, but I am sure I can improvise” Keith couldn’t hold in his laughter for long. Lance looked so serious, and honestly, Keith figured he was, at least a little. The boy fucking loved Naruto. And Keith fucking loved Lance.

 

-

 

“I am so tired. I forgot what it was like to be this tired,” Lance flopped down onto the bed, face-first and into a pillow. “Have you ever been this tired, Keith, because holy cheese am I tired.”

Keith rolled his eyes from the bathroom as he brushed his teeth. “We’re just not used to having two kiddos running around. It’ll take some time to get into a rhythm again, but you’ll get used to it.” Keith rinsed his mouth and dropped his toothbrush into the holder by the sink. “Besides, you _did_ wage an all-out war with Pidge and, like, fifteen small children today.”

They’d had a long day at Shiro’s, catching up with everybody and, most importantly, introducing Aliana to the rest of Team Voltron and all the Paladins’ kids. There were quite a few of them now. Most everyone had a kid or two before Keith and Lance were able to adopt Mateo, but the wait was well worth it for them. It had been an exciting day when Keith and Lance announced they were adopting a little girl, and nobody could contain their excitement to meet her in the months that followed. Keith and Lance had only brought her home a week before, but she had slipped right into their big, crazy family just like all the other kids had. The two had finally gotten their exhausted kids into bed just minutes before, and they were more than ready for bed.

Lance just groaned from his spot on the bed. Keith laughed at the sight. He pulled off his shirt and pants so he was just in his boxers, tossing the dirty clothes into the laundry basket in the closet. He was about to crawl into bed … but first…

_Fwump._

“What the hell!?!” Lance sputtered, rolling over quickly to see what had hit him.

Standing next to the bed was Keith. Except he was holding a pillow above his head, poised and ready to strike again. Keith was grinning mischievously, waiting for Lance to make a move. When Lance remained frozen in shock, Keith attacked again, this time jumping onto the bed as he hit Lance with the pillow. That time, it was enough to stir Lance into action.

“Oh, you’re so mine, Kogane.” Lance grabbed the pillow he’d been complaining into just seconds before.

“It’s Kogane-McClain now, get it right.”

Without a warning, Lance leaped at Keith, hitting him with the pillow and trying to hold him down. Keith was strong though, and he managed to flip Lance back over onto his back. The two wrestled for a minute, each trying to hit the other with their pillows as they laughed and gasped for breath.

Their pillow-battle ended with Lance pinned below Keith, every pillow on the bed now scattered across their room. Keith wickedly smiled down at Lance, who didn’t look all that hurt to have lost the pillow fight to Keith.

“So,” Keith said. “What do I get for defeating you in battle, great Paladin?”

“Hmm,” Lance pretended to be deep in thought while Keith poked at Lance’s still-clothed stomach. Lance met Keith’s eyes with a dangerous look. “You can have your way with me, for one night and one night only.”

Keith’s heart sped up at that. “My way, huh? In that case, you are going to need to lose those clothes.” Keith rolled off Lance, who stripped down to his boxers in no time.

“Now what?” Lance asked, patiently waiting for his instructions, Keith’s orders.

“Now…” Keith paused, letting his eyes linger as he took in the beautiful man before him.

The scars littering his body, the tanned skin, the flawless face, the blue eyes, the soft, brown hair, the tight ass, strong legs, defined muscles — his Lance.

Keith crawled toward Lance slowly, making a show of slowly dragging his fingertips across Lance’s skin as he traveled up, up, all the way ‘til his arms were loose around Lance’s neck. Keith stared into Lance’s eyes, getting lost in the colors and flecks that had become his favorite galaxy.

With a shove, Keith knocked Lance over, keeping his hold on the boy as they fell back onto their mattress. Lance looked startled, but excited, ready for whatever words fell out of Keith’s mouth next.

Words he waited for that never came. Lance felt a soft exhale against his chest, and when he looked down, he realized Keith had fallen asleep on his chest in the few seconds they’d been laying there.

 _He must have been exhausted._ Lance fondly brushed a few strands of hair away from Keith’s eyes. He knew Keith had been pushing himself extra the last few weeks. The boy had been a mess, trying to get everything ready and perfect for Aliana and then never leaving the little girl’s side once they picked her up and took her home. Lance knew it came from something deep within Keith, from a place of having been orphaned not too much older than Aliana was now. Keith wanted her to never feel as he did — lost, scared, confused, alone.

Lance smiled at the boy lying in his arms. He knew if nothing else, their kids would never know those feelings. They couldn’t protect them from everything, and Lance knew that. But they’d be damned if they didn’t make sure Mateo and Aliana knew they were loved and needed and wanted every second of their lives.

Keith shifted in his sleep, and Lance kissed his forehead when Keith nestled further onto Lance’s chest.

They’d come so far. If someone had asked Lance twenty years ago where he saw himself at this point in his life, he wouldn’t have even hoped for something this good, this perfect. He wanted a big family, sure, but wow. He stroked Keith’s hair as he thought to himself. Who could have guessed that one man could make a person feel so loved and important? Keith made him feel like he was the whole world.

Lance loved it, he truly did, but honestly? Keith was the center of it all. Without Keith, he would have _probably_ graduated from flight school, but aside from that? He would have never gotten to adopt the two most perfect children in the universe (Lance could say that since he’d, in fact, met many children in the universe and none came close to being as precious and perfect as Aliana and Mateo). Without Keith, he would never have found love so profound and complete that it could fill a part of him he didn’t even know he was missing until it was there. Without Keith, he would have never found the Blue Lion — he would have never joined Voltron, never have gotten to know the other Paladins and all their other friends from across the universe. Hell, who knows if there would have even been an Earth to live on if it hadn’t been for Keith leading them all to Blue all those years ago. The Galra could have taken over and destroyed them all by now.

Keith was the start of it all. Keith was the reason he was granted fighter class. Keith was the reason he tried so hard in the first place. Keith found Shiro and guided Lance, Pidge and Hunk to them. Keith led them to the Blue Lion. Keith stepped in as leader when Shiro was missing. Keith taught him how to love again, even when he missed his family back home. Keith taught him to love himself, something he’d never quite figured out back on Earth. Keith saved him, countless times, out there in space. Keith was his home, his future, his everything.

He was never going to stop chasing after him.

As Lance drifted off to sleep, Keith was aware of his husband pulling him closer. He smiled, still half-asleep. He loved him so much.

If either could have one wish, it would be to spend the rest of forever together. They never imagined having someone to wish that with before now.

Who could have guessed that the most unexpected of wishes would be the ones to come true?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot believe this is the end. This was the first fic I ever started writing, and to think it's been going on for so long is crazy to me. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your undying support. Seriously, I cannot thank you enough for the comments and kudos every single chapter. I never thought so many of you would enjoy my work, and I am blown away every time I look back at this fic. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 
> 
> I am going to go back to working on my other fics, as well as starting some more, so if there is something you'd like to see/read, message me on [tumblr](http://midnightruse.tumblr.com/) and I will see what I can do!


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